{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Sooo... Living a fine life. Make good salary, have a nice apartment and stuff. Somehow, I mean, being by now a mid thirty female I feel like I have failed (at least regarding this point, don't know how to proceed? (I mean, I am a 34yr old, successful person, but even though I managed having good relationships until I turned 30, by now I just seriously feel old.) Colleagues have either met their match years ago or are incompetent of relationships", "post_id": "614b8eeb3e55aa001d2d050e", "reply_count": 50, "vote_count": 15, "bowl_id": "5e8656b80bdab1002a7355dc", "bowl_name": "Confession " }

Sooo... Living a fine life. Make good salary, have a nice apartment and stuff. Somehow, I mean, being by now a mid thirty female I feel like I have failed (at least regarding this point, don't know how to proceed? (I mean, I am a 34yr old, successful person, but even though I managed having good relationships until I turned 30, by now I just seriously feel old.) Colleagues have either met their match years ago or are incompetent of relationships

likehelpful
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I am in a similar boat as a Male I have been so career driven l have let my personal relationships flounder. I mean for me it’s just about taking the time to figure out what you want to do. What will give your that measure of success. A family? Or friends? You have to take the time and really ponder what you want and make the changes you think will get you to that successful place. Whatever your new definition of success is. Basically if you don’t try to make some change you will yield the same results. Not sure if this helps.

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You two should meet

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I’m 47 F and just got married for the first time in December 2020. I felt similar to the way you’re feeling, and it was frustrating at times. My feeling though was that I would rather be single and feel alone from time to time than be in a relationship that wasn’t fulfilling. I wasn’t going to get married or event get into another serious relationship if it wasn’t what I wanted for the rest of my life. I hope you find an amazing partner who compliments your life!

likeupliftinghelpful

Aww, thank you! 2020 was a weird year … for so many reasons. But I feel thankful to have found someone who’s a great partner and allows me to be vulnerable and my authentic self. 💕

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How nice of an apartment are we talking?

likefunnysmart

Sorry OP. That's hard. Also sorry about what's probably going to happen to your DMs based on the quality of humans on 🐠 🥣.

likefunny

Facts.

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Lower your standards

likesmartfunny

P1- great post, thank you

Don’t be so hard on yourself Op. Better to be alone then be dragged down by being with the wrong person. And 34 is no where near being old.

likefunny

Mid 30s M here. Very similar self-deprecating feel of here. Feel I have achieved so much and everyone around me feels I have got together, but not me. A couple of failed LTRs and here I find myself feeling old and having failed in life. NOT ANYMORE. Have been manifesting positivity these days and it changes a lot of your attitude and the environment around you too.

likehelpful

@M2 how did you change this? I didn’t realize this was happening until you just put it into words.

I’m 31F and feel the same way. Good job with a comfortable salary, new home owner, good relationship with family but all my friends are married and here are am feeling like I’m less accomplished or put together for being single

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It’s hard like I use to pride myself on my career successes and my friends would talk it up. But you know sometimes I think about at what cost or opportunities did I miss out due to Focusing on other goals in my life. I think the more you compare yourself to other people the more it makes it worse. But maybe it’s just you realizing you want to change your priorities now. I think thats fine we grow and we change. Maybe you weren’t ready in past and if you are now then realizing that is the first step.

likehelpful

New idea: single successful ladies we can date each other. 🥰

likeupliftingsmart

Lol I mean to be fair the dating pool is a lot more vibrant from that perspective.

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Join a private club - you’ll meet people who are more relatable. That’s been my experience at least.

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Wait what are the good private clubs?

I just wrote a long response full of great advice then realized I was advising myself. So I deleted it. I need to get back to my CBT workbook now. “Mind over Mood” by Dennis Greenburger is one

likesmart

Damn CEO1 this book sounds exactly like what I need, don’t know how else I’d ever find out about it. Thanks!

OP, in line with M1’s comment about lowering standards, I recommend you read this article and possibly checking out the book this lady wrote (title is mentioned at the beginning of the article). I read it a couple years ago and as a professional woman getting closer to 30, found it kind of interesting and worthy of thought. https://www.today.com/today/amp/wbna23053553

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I actually agree with the article. I’ve always been too picky & that’s how I ended up here. Important to be honest with myself. No one is perfect so better to be practical and I wish I weren’t so brainwashed to have unrealistic standards.

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Do not lower your standards.

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