{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Sorry this is a vent 😓 found a roomie online and moved in 6 months ago. She was extremely nice first few months. Of late, she keeps commenting on my looks like ‘oh you should totally be grateful to ur boyfriend for liking you amidst all the much prettier women out there’ or ‘oh yours was not a early promotion so it’s just normal’. I have always nice been despite knowing that she has the pattern of being the other woman. Should I move out ? Put a lot of money and effort setting up the place😢", "post_id": "61ef3d84e72884002c4bf17c", "reply_count": 24, "vote_count": 3, "bowl_id": "59e88be7e2808e00149b0443", "bowl_name": "Women In Consulting", "feed_type": "bowl" }

Sorry this is a vent 😓 found a roomie online and moved in 6 months ago. She was extremely nice first few months. Of late, she keeps commenting on my looks like ‘oh you should totally be grateful to ur boyfriend for liking you amidst all the much prettier women out there’ or ‘oh yours was not a early promotion so it’s just normal’. I have always nice been despite knowing that she has the pattern of being the other woman. Should I move out ? Put a lot of money and effort setting up the place😢

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No, just confront her about it. People who make these comments are used to no one snapping back. You may not be friends, but she'll cut it out if you push back on how rude she is.

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Honestly, the next time she does something, I’d pause, look at her, and say “wow, why would you say something like that?” Or “wow, don’t you think that’s an inappropriate comment?” Call her on it, and if she drops it, I’d let the conversation drop. I bet she will back down and stop being rude once you stop ignoring her inappropriate comments.

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This is such a good idea

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Next time it happens, play dumb and say something like “what do you mean?”. Keep doing it and asking her to repeat herself and explain until she realizes how shitty she sounds

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Dish it right back! If you know she didn't get an early promo or isn't up for one say in a sickeningly sweet way "oh we're you an early promote" Or "are you up for early promotion this year?" If she comments on your looks say "I know so true, I'm so glad I can find a guy who can appreciate all of me and love me as I am" then bring up something nice your bf did for you. If she's single ask if she's found anyone who loves as she is. She sounds insecure and jealous. She needs to work on herself, but no reason for you to put up with it.

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Agree with EY1. In my experience the best responses are the ones that allow them to reflect on their behavior

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Yep. The bitchy things back won’t help but something to show “that hurts me” or “I don’t understand why you continue to say these mean things” instead is better and will make a difference

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Remember that what she is saying likely has everything to do with her own insecurities VS you. I’d def confront her on them though. “Why do feel like need to comment on my looks like that? My BF and I are both happy with how I look even if you think otherwise. I don’t appreciate it and feel your comment is misguided.” With people like this I try and frame my response as a question so they have to explain their own shitty ways.

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“I have always been nice despite knowing that she has the pattern of being the other woman” so in other words you’re saying because men cheat, she is to blame, isn’t worthy of human decency and therefore should be grateful that you are nice…sorry, you don’t sound like a nice person. Reflect to see if she’s reacting your judgement and indirect jabs. Also, be mature and directly communicate if she says something upsetting.

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Well said M3, and @M2, I may not be nice, but at-least I don’t approach and steal married people

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Let us know how it goes!

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Thanks SD1! Since it’s just 2 of us and with 6 more months left I don’t want to deal with awkwardness but yeah high time to give it back

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It is already awkward for you like I listened to the other day, Why do you choose to let someone give you a little bit of poison each day? It won't tell you, but it will make you feel bad and accumulate. She made it weird, not you. Say, when you X, it makes me feel Y. Why did you say it? Or, 'Don't say it again If she dismisses it, repeat not to say again. If she does, then, she is breaking clear boundaries.

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Thanks for all the helpful responses! I’m finally starting to feel peaceful.

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Will do MD1! Thanks for all the support everyone

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I would respond “that’s not very nice” and see what she says.

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Yea definitely definitely confront her but do it in a way that will just make her feel terrible. Use “I”statements. “Wow, I gotta be honest, I feel really hurt when u say things like that…. Can you please not make comments about my appearance?”

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