🎅🏽 SPOILER ALERT 🎄

If Santa were real, what would be the best explanation as to why he delivers expensive gifts to rich people and inexpensive gifts to poor people?

CC: Reddit

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Oh no, he delivers the less well off beautifully handcrafted bootstraps, but they can only see them if they're pure of heart. He then films the outcome to be shown at the climax of his rich clients' Eyes Wide Shut Christmas parties.

likefunny

Grade: A

Very visual. We love the climax. Intrigued.

📈

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Santa and his neoliberal workshop.

likefunny

Grade: B+

We're intrigued and want to know more!

🎅🏿
🇺🇸

uplifting

Cuz hes a fat fuk plain n simple, he aint been getting none from mrs. Klaus for 20 decades and even his chibi-ass oompa loompa elves dont respect him. Fukin bastard also punched his pet rudolph, domestic animal violence much? I hope this year, he gets his azz stuck in my chimney so i can harpoon his ass in the name of purple jesus. Use his azz as a pinata for kendo practice

funny

Grade: A-

We love the comedic violence and plotting. We're all in for harpooning. That fuk better be ready.

🎣
🔥

likeuplifting

Because life is unfair and Santa wants you to start getting used to it.

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Grade: C

We honestly expected something original from a "Subject Expert". We get it. Imposter Syndrome is a thing.

🤡

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Because he doesn’t want to make your mom realize she married a good-for-nothing guy and start texting Santa in the morning. Santa tried to tell her back in the day but she couldn’t see herself with an older guy, “the family wouldn’t approve,” weren’t those the words? Now all those years later she sees the truth and starts stalking him, which is no good for anyone (he and Mrs. Claus have a great marriage). That’s why he left you those dollar store gifts, because he’s seen it happen over and over again and frankly, he’s too busy.

funny

CW1 😂

funny

because santa is a realist

funny

Grade: B+

Ms Rona is also a realist.

🦠✈️

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He tiers his gifts based on tax bracket status.

funny

Grade: B-

The Government already does this.

🏦🏛️🏢

funny

Because Coca Cola

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The same reason rich people go to “better” school, get pardoned for crimes, and literally everything else.

He would say he doesn’t while yelling about how the Easter Bunny does. The poor half the country would love him because he isn’t afraid to speak the truth about the Easter Bunny.

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