Spouse in the US and I’m in Canada. Spouse was supposed to move to Canada but didn’t find any job opportunities so we decided that I’ll move to US. Haven’t seen him in 2 months. MIL calls me today saying I should quit my job in Canada and move to US under H4 and then keep looking for jobs. I’m a pretty career oriented woman and I’d be crushed if I’m unemployed for a few months. With my current job, job search has been slow. Idk how much response i’ll get if I’m unemployed.

Any thoughts?

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Don’t take your independence and financial freedom lightly. I made the mistake of moving to the US on H4 and it wasn’t pretty. My husband is super supportive and willing to make my life as easy as possible. But it still depressed me and made life miserable. Be careful and choose wisely is all I say.

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How was your course of action once you moved on H4?

No. Do not let guilt and centuries of toxic patriarchal bs shackle you to the irrelevant pressure from your MIL. You deserve your career and your success. And you will do what is right for you and for your relationship but don’t cave to the pressure of elders in your business.

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you can’t work remotely for canada while in US on H4 visa, It’s illegal. If your spouse is asking you to work illegally then he is following the same footsteps as your MIL . Why can’t he come to canada and continue working for his US company? please don’t give in to this patriarchal thinking. It’s not a woman’s job to do all sacrifices

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Wow, his GC process hasn’t started yet and he wants you to come to US on H4z You know it takes atleast 18-24 months to get I-140 approval stage and then another 6-8 months for EAD to come so you are looking at 2-3 years time frame to be actually legally start working in US.
another option for you to enroll into any university who will give you Day 1 CPT to work. This way you can legally work and stay in US. This is something might work for you but you have to pay university tuition fee. IMO that’d be the best option if you want to move to US , Otherwise your spouse can move to Canada and find a job there. He can take intra company transfer as well so his GC application stays in progress.

What your MIL said is BS.

However, from a visa perspective purely and if you want to expedite the move in w/ your spouse, it would make sense to see if your spouse has an approved i140? If he does, you can come in, apply for a H4 EAD and continue your job in Canada until it comes through.

Not sure if you’re Indian and I do not want to assume, but a lot of families try and pressure you to do what they think is right so don’t cave in. My husband and I were long distance for almost 2-3 years after marriage and never once did I think of leaving my job because someone else asked me to. Good luck, OP!

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This!

What does your spouse think? Is he aligned with you? If yes, then they can help deliver the message to MIL. If not, I would continue looking for jobs , but not quit current one until you have something else . If family is a priority for your spouse (just like you are expected to make it a priority) , then they have to work with you to find a middle ground , not corner you into doing something that you don’t want to .

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You can’t work on US soil when you have an H4 visa with no associated EAD. Even if it is a remote job for an employer in Canada. That’s illegal and can have severe repercussions for yours and your spouse’s immigration case. I wouldn’t risk it.

If you do not currently have a visa, you are better off coming over with a visa and then applying. You will get fewer interviews if they think they’ll have to wait a longer period of time for you to get your visa situation handled before you start.

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Yeah i wish it was that easy

It may be easier to find a job if you are located in the city you are applying to, unless you're only looking at remote positions. I don't think unemployment for a couple months would damage your job prospects, especially if you frame it as moving for family reasons if asked, but definitely do what is best for you!

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I’m applying using spouse’s address so shouldn’t be an issue

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Why can’t he be a stay at home spouse?

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Yes I agree on this. Spouse is the youngest son of theirs and I think they’re protecting him too much. They’ll say things like how he is alone moving homes, organizing kitchen and doing everything praiseworthy. Also spouse isn’t very ambitious and I’m the opposite, they may feel I’m outperforming them career wise so just wants me to step back

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Pls don't move if you are in H4 visa. There is too much restrictions.

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I’m aware! Cant even get an EAD on this visa

Nope, do not get on H4!

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Are you still in consulting? Transfer offices and get on a TN. That way, you can work on both sides of the border

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Yeah thinking of talking to boss. Last year i talked to hr and they said they weren’t relocating people

Update to this: MIL came over my place unannounced tonight (after last night’s call) with the intention of discussing this matter with me or my parents, but didn’t. FIL slipped this when he was on call with MIL while they were here and was on speaker. FIL said something along the lines of - she is not married to her job, she is married to my son. Awkward moment because everyone heard this and MIL then switched the topic. I can’t unhear or unsee this anymore now

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They’re so interfering! Put your foot down op! Time to set some boundaries.

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Any tips or ideas how to manage up without damaging this relationship? Parents in law crossed the boundary bad this time

Having had plenty of issues with my MIL, I wouldn't hide it from your husband. Let him know and frame it as how it is affecting you instead of just criticizing her.

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Wait, isn’t she far, far away from her dear son? How is she visiting you in person!

OP, where’s your Hubs in all of this? This behavior is indicative of what the long term holds. Choose wisely ♥️

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