{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Staying at my parents this weekend. 1:40 in the morning im sitting on the floor breastfeeding my baby. Door is open halfway so i can have a tiny bit of light from the hall nightlight so i can see/fix", "post_id": "5c53f3309a93fb00130fddfb", "reply_count": 18, "vote_count": 2, "bowl_id": "58f81646ae9f610010f869be", "bowl_name": "Consulting Moms" }

Staying at my parents this weekend. 1:40 in the morning im sitting on the floor breastfeeding my baby. Door is open halfway so i can have a tiny bit of light from the hall nightlight so i can see/fix

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Sigh. Probably silly to be upset by this - but feeling alone as im constantly up throughout the night as the men around me can sleep peacefully all night and now one comes and puts me/baby in the dark either because i made him uncomfortable or he stupidly thought i wasnt setup exactly how i needed to be.

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Hahaha

Ugh so sorry OP! I think of this like mansplaining, but with actions instead of words. Men just assume they know better and just do it, and it’s so common. When I was pumping I would keep my parts in the fridge so I didn’t have to wash them each time, and my husband saw them in there and assumed I was in some sort of post-partum haze and just took them out so I had to wash them before using again. I forgot to mention it to him, and he did the same thing again the next day!! I was so pissed that he assumed that the most likely explanation was that I was so unhinged that I kept putting something in the fridge that didn’t belong there, instead of maybe considering the possibility that I knew what I was doing 😤

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Ha. Youd think he would at least wash them!! If youre going to help - actually help!

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Sending so much love your way OP

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Sorry, OP. 4 and half yrs later, I feel the same. When my daughter is sick and can't sleep, I am the one who stays up to make her feel comfortable while my husband sleeps thru the night (every night). And he wonders why I have a very short fuse. Hang in there, OP. Our love and devotion to our children carry us thru. Having said all that, please find time to care for yourself. Even if it's just 10 minutes of peaceful shower or get a breathe of fresh air.

likehelpful

No one talks about how lonely the first weeks can be for a new mom - I think it happens to all of us, even the ones with helpful men. There are moments/things that are deeply yours and no one can join you/us in those moments. I say this to say, with my first I was pissed and depressed to be experiencing this loneliness, with second, I felt the same but got over it more quickly. It’s just things that make us stronger mamas and women. But I do suggest talk to the men and explain what you need, feeling lonely doesn’t mean being silent. Speak up about your needs. They clearly do.

likeuplifting

Yep - i was prepared for feeling sad about no longer being pregnant or being overwhelmed or tired or stressed ... not prepared to feel so isolated. I am the only one who can really feed him & even if someone else feeds him I have to pump. And im the one on maternity leave so i cant ask my SO to get up in the middle of the night with me just for him to change a diaper when he is up at 4:00 am to go to work. And when i get back into bed it takes so long to fall asleep as my body is tense as im listening to the small noises the baby makes through the monitor. And i just end up sitting in a room by myself so many hours a day. And i worry so much; worrying about my supply and feeling guilty when i dont want to feed him. I’m going to go to a breastfeeding support group in a week or two so maybe at least talking to those who understand will help me feel better. My SO is so extremely helpful and i dont know if there is anything more that he could do to help me not feel this way. I honestly feel guilty when i ask him to do anything extra like feed/change the baby at night & i pump or for him to stay up late to feed him so i dont need to pump and feed him. He has already handled things so i could take some time away for myself/go out with friends, but maybe we need more of a plan for when we do that for each other. And of course we need more time for just the two of us. Thank you all for your support and understanding. Its so helpful to know i am not alone in these feelings!!

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Breastfeeding support groups were a savior for me-go ASAP! And, you got this!

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OP - maternity leave isn’t a vacation, and you’re healing as well. My husband and I agreed very early on that regardless of him working and me on leave, he got to do one middle of the night feed/diaper so I could get 4-6 hours of sleep every night to heal and be able to make it through the next day. We changed when we went to bed a little so each of us could get a full 6 hours each. We also agreed that from day one we’d share the responsibility as equally as possible regardless of one being on leave vs the other working, including just doing things without being asked (cleaning, making dinner each night so I didn’t have to deal with that too, any diaper changes when he was around, etc.) Because being on leave is not vacation, and is more exhausting and draining than working our crazy hours. We did decide to give one formula feed from day 1 so I didn’t have to pump for that feed. Our LO was exclusively breastfed until 6 months outside that. She’s super healthy and our pediatrician thought it was a great balance. Doing that honestly kept me sane, and made it so much easier to go back to work because she could take a breast or bottle. There were no issues at all with ‘nipple confusion’.

likesmart

That’s awesome to hear! For the formula feed, usually for the night during the week and then on weekends I’d go to the gym for a few hours one day a weekend and he’d use it then if I wasn’t back in time.

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Deep breaths hon. Not silly at all to be upset about anything during this time. It’s such a difficult and isolating time. We’re total strangers but we’re all here for you!

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I have a 20 month old and I still feel isolated. My SO’s life has gone on just the same as before we had our daughter. I feel like I’m the one who does the majority of the parenting — at the sacrifice of my personal and professional life. To make matters worse I am the breadwinner....which means I feel resentful towards my SO most of the time.

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You should request that your SO be a more active participant in taking care of your daughter or other chores that need to be done around the house (laundry, washing dishes, making dinner, bath time, etc.). You need a break some time as well. Have him stay home with daughter while you have a spa day or brunch with friends/colleagues. Best of luck to you!

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The baby’s latch, diaper change, etc. i need to be able to see the baby but not wake the baby. 30 yr old brother walks by and likely saw my breast or part of it as i was latching baby. He SHUTS MY DOOR, putting me in the dark. Idk if it was because he was thrown off by maybe seeing my breast or if he thought he was doing me some sort of favor but - seriously?

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