{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Suggestions for handling a peer who constantly uses their years of experience to curtail discussions? Both of us are SM’s leading teams within the same Market so we talk often. This SM will say things like “I have 15 more years of experience than you so I am better at this than you/I know how to handle these things”. It’s infuriating and I often want to respond with “And I’m 15 years younger than you and in the same position, so I must be doing something right!” (Cont)", "post_id": "5eef703e3f65c7001a5ce7cb", "reply_count": 17, "vote_count": 4, "bowl_id": "552d1d24dc1c586b09d2d051", "bowl_name": "Consulting" }

Suggestions for handling a peer who constantly uses their years of experience to curtail discussions? Both of us are SM’s leading teams within the same Market so we talk often. This SM will say things like “I have 15 more years of experience than you so I am better at this than you/I know how to handle these things”. It’s infuriating and I often want to respond with “And I’m 15 years younger than you and in the same position, so I must be doing something right!” (Cont)

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As annoying as it may be, I’d recommend focusing on relationship and trust first so that you can eventually give her feedback that she won’t be defensive to. There’s a good chance that some of her statements may be rooted in insecurity, so trying to one up or use the same approach will just make her dig in.

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Great advice

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It’s about the quality of the experience, not the total length. Doing the same things for 15 years does not equate having evolving roles for 5 years. I would not use the age argument, though, as it comes across as discriminatory

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Thanks Ey1. I don’t intend to. Though she has said that too “I’m older so...”. I guess this sort of could be construed as discrimination by her. Though I’m NOT looking to go down that line of thinking. Appreciate the thoughtful response!

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Her team has started confiding in me that they experience the same things and it’s causing issues. Not for me to intervene in, so I’m looking for advice for how to handle how I am experiencing this. I appreciate any advice.

maybe same position, but he could be making 50% more due to his experience.

A1, this is not about compensation. I’m focused on the fact that she continually seems to diminish the importance of differing opinions and use her “15 years of more experience” as the argument for everything.

I’d say pick your battles. It doesn’t sound like her attitude/mindset prevents you from doing your job, so just let her have it unless your team/deliverables/credibility are on the line. When that happens, challenge with facts (or lack thereof), in a constructive way, but also be ready to escalate to whoever can put her in line. That being said, is her advice wrong?

SM1 - completely agree. I do appreciate her perspective and style a lot. Would be nice if she appreciated others, as well.

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I experienced this in years 1 and 2 of senior manager. I went head on at it. Sales and managed revenue are results and mine were higher. In a heated discussion with years experience as a back drop, I used that to demonstrate performance and that markets have changed radically in 15 years. He was citing projects at companies that no longer existed which I also made sure to highlight. I didn’t need to convince him, that wasn’t going to happen. I won the teams and the two influential partners. I was there to win projects and drive revenue, not babysit a guy in his 60’s who never made PPED. I suggest head on

“What’s changed since you’ve started?” - “Actually, a lot...” – “So, if I hear you right, there’s an emphasis on the last five years, of which I’ve also experienced.” OR “What’s changed since you’ve started?” - “Nothing much...” – “Really? There’s been a lot of changes in the last five years, starting with ...” Note these could be seen as bridge burners, so modify accordingly.

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