{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Taking a poll... This is for people who have been or are leads/managers. Have you ever been told to “flex” your management style? Post your gender identity with your response.", "post_id": "5e9c948a83c8fa001bebdd11", "reply_count": 175, "vote_count": 9, "bowl_id": "552d1d24dc1c586b09d2d051", "bowl_name": "Consulting", "feed_type": "crowd" }
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Taking a poll... This is for people who have been or are leads/managers. Have you ever been told to “flex” your management style? Post your gender identity with your response.

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Crazy idea. Maybe we’re all different, and we should be willing/able to adjust accordingly (because that’s just a decent and kind thing to do, even to people whom we perceive are not deserving of decency and kindness).

Generally, most men are much more terse than women. And most women are much more tender than men. Both are good traits that should be valued. Different, but equal, and equally valuable. Of course, there are exceptions, and a leader is expected to to know their team and adjust.

I would expect men in leadership to address everyone with the respect and dignity that they deserve, in a manor they can best receive. That may require men who lead to adjust, depending on their normal tone and the listener. That adjustment doesn’t necessarily exist strictly on gender lines.

I would think the same standard would be logical for women. I would think anyone unwilling or unable to make that adjustment is deficient is some way. And, if that unwillingness hinges on gender lines, that person is a sexist. (And yes, women can be sexist toward men, it can go both ways and is equally inappropriate, disruptive, and unacceptable.)

Bit take away: Anyone unwilling or unable to know their people and adjust accordingly should never progress beyond managerial tasks, since they lack the basic capacity to lead.

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When it comes to gender stereotypes, I prefer to stick with the data.

My understanding of the data is that men are more verbose than women in professional/public settings. When talking amongst friends, women tend to use more words and communicate more deeply, but even in writing, men use more words than women to communicate a point in the workplace.

The word "terse" is a bit nuanced, so the point may have been more about being abrupt than being to the point. This is a bit more difficult to measure, but it does seem women are more likely to be interrupted than men. This is at least in part the result of social conditioning (not some genetically innate trait), so sweeping statements like, "women are more tender," are fairly absurd.

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I have not been asked to “flex” my management style but I do constantly review it myself and self reflect to ensure I’m performing at my best. Generally I have a high EQ so understand and flex to differing situations.

I have however asked a few people to change how they manage and have advised, in a mentoring environment, to change how they manage. All of these times came from the point of view of expanding the individuals knowledge of management, styles available and the result which can be achieved in different circumstances.

I’m a middle aged white bloke so recognise it is harder for some who have to balance enough drive to move forward with enough empathy not be come across as heartless or robotic.

My mantra has always been self reflection. If giving a situation sufficient though, being self critical, I can 1, learn from the situation and sort in my head what I would do differently next time and 2, sleep at night I’m all good.

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Op why don’t you tell us exactly what you want us to type so we can give you the answer you’re looking for since you obviously have an issue with everyone’s feedback...I bet that sounds familiar doesn’t it

likefunnysmart

Tf does flex mean in this context

likefunny

Ok, so, then I double down, triple,or whatever on my response. You’ve turned this into a negative when it’s a GREAT question. I hope you’ve actually heard the responses, you’ve gotten some good ones.

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Can’t believe how people are acting so ridiculously on this post while OP asked just a simple question. Why does everyone have to mention their personal stories & take a dig at OP? Can we think about her question with an open mind and respond nicely instead of posting provocative replies that would do no good to OP nor us? She clearly mentioned it is a POLL. She is not asking for stories.

OP- Ans to your ques, I am female & no, I haven’t been told to flex my style to lead my team.

likefunnysmarthelpful

I have to say I’m really disappointed. I thought we were working together to achieve something great. So much potential wasted.

Remember to be intersectional in your analysis. Black and brown men do not have the same experience as white people and black and brown women are critiqued for their style and personality much more than even white women are. With that said...


Yes. Black Male.

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KPMG 1, you did come across a little rough in the thread, but EY7, he also definitely changed his mind at the end of the discussion. Sometimes the temperature gets warm but cools down before things boil over. It's probably best if we let good be good enough and step away from this thread, and just let what we learned be enough of a lesson for one thread :)

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I’ve never been told on a project. I’ve just always known that you achieve best results when you adapt your leadership style to your team even if just slightly. I recommend you read the invisible spotlight.

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This entire post is very psychotic indeed.

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F here. Of course I flex my leadership style. Not every situation is one size fits all. I think that the best leaders are flexible in how they lead and how they approach teams. I have great male mentors and support. I’m sorry that it seems like you, OP, haven’t. I find that it can be good to examine what you might be projecting that might elicit this type of recommendation.

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Wow women really can be as hard on other women as anyone. Way to make an ignorant assumption about OP’s situation SM2

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No. Woman.

I do practice emotional intelligence and implement organizational leadership best practices. You’ll probably be told to “flex” less if you do the same.

likefunny

Why me?

No and male.

But I have proactively engaged in developing my own style since college. I’ve tried to tailor my leadership to a specific individual and situation.

One thing that helped me in the military when I was an instructor was to tell myself if someone wasn’t getting it, that it was my fault, not theirs. It allowed me to have significantly more empathy to why they aren’t understanding, and then helped me tailor my own teaching/leading style to them and the specific topic they weren’t understanding.

I tried to apply that same mentality to my ground job as well when I was leading different units. How I motivated a top performer vs a low performer changed a lot.

likesmartupliftinghelpful

*Told* to flex it, no. Proactively adapted my leadership style as needed from one engagement/team to the next, yes.

M/30s.

likefunny

F here. I do consciously adapt/flex and my teams have told me they appreciate it.
This is just basics of good management (not even leadership IMO).

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????

likesmart

(1) Not until very recently - I tend to have good EQ and adapt style to my audience
(2) Female
(3) Comments - Have recently been met with a team not used to being called on their BS. Origin of that behavior has yet to be determined (but privilege comes to my mind). The flexing ask came after dealing with that bunch since I am allergic to mediocrity.

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This needs to be discussed more - the idea that one is asked to change to adapt to others overly privileged

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Coaching is an ongoing process, hopefully everyone in people management roles are getting it. I haven’t heard anyone over 35 use the word flex in any context. To me, it’s a bro term.

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I find that leadership styles are not the problem. It’s having the integrity or discipline to stick to the style where people fail.

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Male here, and have led many teams and engagements. I’ve never been told to flex my style, but have been coached to adapt my management style. I read the link describing “flex”, but this term may be used by some PPMDs, though none in my many years at Deloitte. Hope this helps.

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Female, no, not directly.

Flexing communication/management has been taught in every formal leadership course I've taken. I think flexing your management/communication style is a minimum expectation for interacting with others in a professional manner.

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Yes, female. Been told to flex my style.

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Yep. Male

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Management trainings I got before I actually became a manager (not in consulting), emphasized the idea of adapting your leadership style to fit the team and situation. Have kept this in mind during my time managing people.

I've never specifically gotten feedback that I need to adapt or flex my style.

Female.

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No. Female in tech for 23 years.

But I also naturally change my style based on the expressed needs of my team members.

Some want more prescriptive instructions, some like to figure things out on their own, etc. I try to meet them where they are in their career path and growth trajectory. Coach/lead without micromanaging

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