Taking a poll... This is for people who have been or are leads/managers. Have you ever been told to “flex” your management style? Post your gender identity with your response.

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Op why don’t you tell us exactly what you want us to type so we can give you the answer you’re looking for since you obviously have an issue with everyone’s feedback...I bet that sounds familiar doesn’t it

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If you’re not adapting your style to a specific client and/or team and don’t see the value of doing so, get out of management and leadership aspirations. I find this kind of post a bit embarrassing when there are actual fact-based discrimination issues women deal with.
The impression you give with your replies is you received some feedback on your style and you’re assuming it’s not you. It is. You set us back with stuff like this.

F with 20 years in tech.

likesmartfunnyhelpful

...that’s asking for gender, whether it’s m/f/x. This has been a really disappointing, potentially positive, thread.

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Crazy idea. Maybe we’re all different, and we should be willing/able to adjust accordingly (because that’s just a decent and kind thing to do, even to people whom we perceive are not deserving of decency and kindness).

Generally, most men are much more terse than women. And most women are much more tender than men. Both are good traits that should be valued. Different, but equal, and equally valuable. Of course, there are exceptions, and a leader is expected to to know their team and adjust.

I would expect men in leadership to address everyone with the respect and dignity that they deserve, in a manor they can best receive. That may require men who lead to adjust, depending on their normal tone and the listener. That adjustment doesn’t necessarily exist strictly on gender lines.

I would think the same standard would be logical for women. I would think anyone unwilling or unable to make that adjustment is deficient is some way. And, if that unwillingness hinges on gender lines, that person is a sexist. (And yes, women can be sexist toward men, it can go both ways and is equally inappropriate, disruptive, and unacceptable.)

Bit take away: Anyone unwilling or unable to know their people and adjust accordingly should never progress beyond managerial tasks, since they lack the basic capacity to lead.

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When it comes to gender stereotypes, I prefer to stick with the data.

My understanding of the data is that men are more verbose than women in professional/public settings. When talking amongst friends, women tend to use more words and communicate more deeply, but even in writing, men use more words than women to communicate a point in the workplace.

The word "terse" is a bit nuanced, so the point may have been more about being abrupt than being to the point. This is a bit more difficult to measure, but it does seem women are more likely to be interrupted than men. This is at least in part the result of social conditioning (not some genetically innate trait), so sweeping statements like, "women are more tender," are fairly absurd.

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I have not been asked to “flex” my management style but I do constantly review it myself and self reflect to ensure I’m performing at my best. Generally I have a high EQ so understand and flex to differing situations.

I have however asked a few people to change how they manage and have advised, in a mentoring environment, to change how they manage. All of these times came from the point of view of expanding the individuals knowledge of management, styles available and the result which can be achieved in different circumstances.

I’m a middle aged white bloke so recognise it is harder for some who have to balance enough drive to move forward with enough empathy not be come across as heartless or robotic.

My mantra has always been self reflection. If giving a situation sufficient though, being self critical, I can 1, learn from the situation and sort in my head what I would do differently next time and 2, sleep at night I’m all good.

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Not so much flexing but working with your team and adjusting to needs and communication styles.

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No - female

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No. Provided feedback during my time in consulting and in industry roles from; my Teams, colleague &peers, and Leaders I report to ...that I do this naturally. Male.

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As a Female, have been told my style is “too aggressive” when giving direct feedback that is less harsh than male peers.

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I understand what you’re talking about - you said there was an experiment?

It’s so funny to me how violently people react to posts that implicitly get at issues of diversity and inclusion. That’s usually a sign the OP has tapped into some real shit that people are unwilling to acknowledge.

helpful

OP’s hostile tone & tenor towards people who were trying to be helpful is what made this thread blow up.

likefunny

Your teams recognized you were changing your leadership style with each of them and commented on it? Share how that looks and sounds. Genuinely curious @BCG1

Agree with BCG1. It seems pretty clear based on your engagement within your post why you received feedback on your leadership style. Maybe instead of driving toward an answer you have already formulated you should open your mind to different opinions. Just as you have driven directly to the point you wanted here I can see that translating to the same in your leadership. Great personal improvement has to start from a place of humility and openness to the new and different. Just look at the responses that are helpful or critical of you. It should be pretty obvious that your approach is toxic. This would be a great time for reflection.

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Brown Male Manager here. Never been asked to change my management style (Yet. Knock on wood). 2 of my female ex-coworkers / direct reports still reach out to me for advice or share their career progression.

Male:

No. However, anyono who wants to be in a manager role has to understand you can't manage everyone the same and you have to adapt to your team. Never been told to do so, but consistent try with each team I have.

Male here. At my last company (large financial institution) I was put in multiple trainings about how to flex my management style. We pushed the concept broadly across teams.

F and not until very recently. I moved from consulting to industry, from a very ‘look at me’ loud and brash culture to a much more low key culture. I think the feedback was more about me learning how to adapt to that new culture, and overcoming my own insecurities, than anything. That was ~9 months ago and since then I’ve had very positive feedback & been complimented on how rapidly I managed to adapt.

Yes. Male

Yes, M, all the time.

Yes, a couple times. Male.

Yes. I’m male. I’ve been told to speak up more.

Yes, M/47

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