{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Talking to a guy and he seems nice and fun, but he’s never traveled internationally and that really bugs me. We live in nyc so it’s not hard to travel to Europe at least. It’s one thing if your family never took you on trips but at our age (26) I feel like there’s no real excuse anymore. Am I overreacting?", "post_id": "5f8cb3e300f98b002112079d", "reply_count": 264, "vote_count": 30, "bowl_id": "59e88be7e2808e00149b0443", "bowl_name": "Women In Consulting", "feed_type": "bowl" }

Talking to a guy and he seems nice and fun, but he’s never traveled internationally and that really bugs me. We live in nyc so it’s not hard to travel to Europe at least. It’s one thing if your family never took you on trips but at our age (26) I feel like there’s no real excuse anymore. Am I overreacting?

likefunnyhelpful
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I thought OPs initial question was reasonable (though I would answer yes, overreacting) but the follow up comments are another level of judgmental. I’ve always thought one of the benefits of NYC is that the world comes to you. You can meet a huge variety of different people and cultures without leaving town.

And honestly, a lot of people say they travel internationally to be broad minded or to appreciate other cultures, but does that really happen, or are they just looking for a scenic insta brag? I love traveling but don’t kid myself that a week in London really makes me a better person or gives me more than a superficial understanding of other countries. I’m an immigrant myself; I can tell when people tell me about their travels to my home country that some people really put in the effort to learn the language, read about local issues and seek to experience many facets of the culture, while others just went there to drink and be a loud american in a Hilton for two weeks and think the extent of culture is eating chicken cooked in a different sauce.

likesmartfunny

Chicken cooked in a difference sauce 👏🏻 on point

likeupliftingfunny

When I got engaged, my husband was 33 and had only been to Canada and Mexico (we live in the US).

I insisted that we do at least one trip overseas before we got married to make sure he was ok with traveling across the ocean. We went to England and Scotland because I figured that would be the easiest culturally and it had issues (we both got sick, I scheduled too much, he was bothered by people driving on the other side of the road) but it was ok.

We went to Japan next year after getting married and it was super awesome. It was his idea and he loved it. Now he talks about wanting to move to the Netherlands for a few years, even though we've never visited. This is a 180 from the guy who never had the desire to travel and was nervous about going to England, of all places.

Anyway, I'm still not sure why he didn't go on his own, but once he went with me and realized it was in his comfort zone, he's now as excited as I am to visit new countries and go explore. So I wouldn't assume that just because no one has gone, that they never will or are boring. Maybe once Covid allows, go on a trip (maybe with friends) and see how it goes. But don't eliminate him because of it - there's too many other factors that could play a role in this.

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I mean, he has. As explained above.

Growing up, his family owned a house in Mexico, so they'd vacation there every year for a few months. He visited Canada with friends. His parents traveled to Europe, but always went just as a couple. He's the oldest of five kids and they wanted to enjoy Europe while they were there rather than monitor all their children. He graduated college in debt, as he paid for most of it himself, and focused on paying that off rather than going on trips even domestically.

We started dating while I was in grad school. I was at poverty wages and he had a good salary but still a five-figure debt. We went on our Europe trip once I was out of grad school and earning a bit more and he'd paid off his debt. We were still on a shoestring budget though - our trip to Japan was much better in part because we were both making six figures and weren't as worried about pinching pennies.

Like, there are so many reasons why it didn't happen before. But he's always been a consistently wonderful, internationally aware person. He just also had other priorities, and while I love to travel and was surprised he hadn't been yet, I agreed with his immediate priorities to pay down debt. I also understand why his parents didn't take him - I'm also the oldest of five children, and my mom took us all to Spain when the youngest was 14 and even though we were older and all speak Spanish it was still exhausting to manage the schedule and activities. I'm not sure what is unusually tricky or terrible to comprehend about this, and I'm so glad he is my travel buddy now.

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When I saw "Europe at least" I spit out my drink.

Honestly this question reeks of privilege. Some of us don't have money to travel, even if we live in NYC. Some people are paying off loans, or helping family, or saving to buy a home one day, or sure-- trying to save to afford to go on a vacation some day.

likesmartuplifting

I’ve known plenty of people traveled around the world and still uncultured, so really not sure what difference does travelled internationally or not make

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I'm in my 50s and never traveled internationally. Had kids in my 20s, student loans, mortgage payments..when the kids got older it was college expenses for them, wedding expenses for them, etc... just was never a priority for me.

When I was finally able to go I had noone to travel with. Didn't feel comfortable going alone. The way things are now I may never be able to go.

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I think a lot of us (myself included) see where PWC 2 is coming from. I myself don’t feel comfortable traveling internationally alone but I don’t disdain people who are comfortable. And I’ve read helpful comments here on ways to feel safer when solo traveling.

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Lol how narrow minded... God forbid people have different experiences and priorities. Clearly, whatever you have done is so good that anyone who hasn't done the same, is behind in life

likefunny

A6 ya I was trying to aggravate the angry ladies further 😂 it worked

Seems you are tying to judge him for this which is weird to me. I never did international travel until I got married and that is mostly because I never wanted to travel out of the country alone and I don't have alot of friends so it just never happened. Thank goodness my husband never judged me for this.

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Could be a closed minded MAGA. Watch out.

likefunnyhelpful

Growing up I definitely thought part of the problem with my hometown is that ppl did not travel or get any exposure to anything different but there are lots of other ways to broaden your horizons without literally traveling especially in NYC - even more so than some consultants who travel but don’t leave the office and fancy hotel. When I first started dating SO he was terrified of heights (including flying) but even then he had a more diverse and inclusive friend group than me, introduced me to new foods including pho, shakshuka and vindaloo & loved new experiences. Plus he never held me back (even encouraged my super impulsive solo Europe/Middle East trip). I may have had the better Instagram but doesn’t mean I was in any way the better person. Guess what I’m trying to say is if this guy is not the one than that’s fair and if travel is a priority to you having someone who shares that may be a dealbreaker but let’s try not to be so close minded while calling other ppl close minded.

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As someone who has done a lot of travel domestically and internationally, some of my favorite memories were of trips within the US. Don’t get why it’s a big deal that he hasn’t gone to Europe. Honestly feel like a lot of self proclaimed “travelers” I’ve met go to foreign cities to do things they could easily do at home. I don’t think travel makes someone more interesting. The fact that you want someone who shares your travel ambitions is valid, but agree with others that your tone comes across as judgmental, privileged, and quite frankly a bit narrow-minded.

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I’m not sure what race has to do with anything? I’m not white either and I think there’s opportunity to experience other cultures without international travel. Are you saying he is white and doesn’t have good exposure to other cultures? That’s a different issue and I don’t think traveling to Europe is a checkbox for “cultured”

likesmartfunny

To be honest, I think there are a lot of US posters here, and wanted to offer an outside perspective.

Speaking to other people around the world, the US is known for having a much larger culture of people who simply don’t prioritize travelling and exploring outside cultures as often.

This may or may not be a stereotype but there are a lot of Americans who don’t even have a passport.

I’ve heard the explanation before that there’s so much variation and culture across the 50 states so you can explore a lot domestically, why bother going abroad.

To me finances aside, I find it a bit interesting that for some people there is simply no interest to go explore and to go beyond the borders. To be honest, be a stereotype or not, a lot of Americans seem to act as if the the world revolves around the US and simply don’t think that there’s any reason to see the rest of the world.

To be honest it’s more so this attitude that I would clash with and be more concerned by.

likeupliftingsmart

Seeing the world does correlate with wealth because it is easier, but it does not mean that without it you cannot travel. There are many people who choose to prioritize it - if you look in many travel Facebook groups or online travel communities you will see many people are willing to make sacrifices for it. I’ve seen single mothers post about how they will save each penny, drive older cars, not eat out, be thrifty so that they can save up to expose their children to other cultures. Or read up on Reddit r/Shoestring - there are many ways to stretch a dollar. Speaking to other travelers that’s actually one of the things that people find annoying - that people back home seem to judge and to think that you must be rich to travel when really they are able to travel by making sacrifices and by prioritizing it.

Reading about a culture and experiencing it is not the same thing. Expecting to be educated by other people who come to the US, in contrast to actually visiting other cultures is very Western centric.

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Yes, I think you’re overreacting. I’m 31 and haven’t travelled internationally either, but that’s because I bought a home when I was 26, had to save up for expensive renovations, got engaged, had to pay for my own wedding, etc.

The point is, things happen! I want to travel internationally now that I’ve gotten past some major life expenses, once covid passes.

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Yep SA2 id rather rent and travel than buy a house

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If you’re that up in arms about it please do him a favor and cut him loose.

No shade but, this reminds me of Aparna.

likefunny

Stoppp, you sound like Sima Aunty🥴🤣 I almost forgot about Aparna.

likefunny

This thread is ridiculous, and not because of OP. All of those saying she is snooty or extremely judgmental, well guess what- so are you. People have different priorities and so called red flags, and that’s ok. No need to attack OP.

OP- I think you did the right decision. Sounds like you guys have different priorities. Next!

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You have options on how to respond.

You can clarify what you mean and look for areas of agreement where they exist.

Or you can do what you did, where you dismiss people, insult them when they share perspectives you may not have considered, when you asked for our thoughts, and call huge swaths of the population, including many in this thread, "losers".

One of these things is usually considered best practice in how to respond to people disagreeing with you, but you do you.

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Why hasn’t he traveled internationally? Lack of interest or lack of resources ?

If it’s lack of resources, then yes it is hard to Travel to Europe. You don’t know what someone’s financial situation is (or was).

If it’s lack of interest then it sounds like you’ve decided that’s a dealbreaker / compatibility issue. If it’s that important to you then I guess you’re not overreacting.

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Like others said, it depends on reason. Get to know them better. If they're not interested in traveling abroad, you're probably not compatible, and this will probably end up being an issue in the future.

I have a friend that married a guy who is used to going to the same resort in Mexico once a year (sometimes multiple times) but not willing to go anywhere else. She wants to go vacation other places but they end up doing what he wants every time. Guess where they're going again this year? I think it's the 8th or 9th time in 5 years.

I have this same dilemma with guys. Here in the Midwest most guys I meet don't travel abroad and have never been outside the US. They're just not exposed to the love of traveling from a young age and as adults they don't know much about other places.

'Never had the chance' could mean a lot of things. The guys I met said they'd love to travel but have never had the chance. After getting to know them, I find out that in most cases, for them it's 'would love to go but my interests in going out drinking often or a new xbox is more important'. It's all about priorities, traveling is just not one of them for the guys I know.

Since it is a priority for me, as long as they are ok with me traveling or willing to compromise, I can't really complain.

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Ughhh... I mean yeah you “travel”, but have you lived elsewhere as an *expat* for multiple years? That’s REALLY mind expanding.

I mean you said you serve international clients... were you not good enough to go work for them longer term if you love cUltUrE so much?

That’s not a serious question, but it is a question that sounds as ridiculous as your post. Yikes.

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Yeah, I actually grew up in Asia as an expat and moved here when I was 14. What’s the point of this comment

likefunny

Alright thanks ladies! I’ll cut him loose so some other lucky woman with different priorities can make him happy 😊

likeuplifting

And yet...you posted to a professional women’s forum to ask if...Ooop nvm 🤣

likehelpful

You are snooty...

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Not at all. That would definitely be a turn off for me, Since it kind of indicates lack of being open minded. My bf and I traveled a lot pre-covid and couldn’t imagine being with him if he wasn’t open to travel outside of the US for our vacations.

like

OP didn’t say he wasn’t interested in traveling internationally. She noted that she didn’t ask follow-up questions so there could be any number of (valid or not) reasons for why he hasn’t travelled internationally.

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I think that’s a huge red flag tbh. Especially because it seems like you value traveling internationally. Take it from me sis, as a girl who had a long term boyfriend who wasn’t interested in international travel/hadn’t done it when I met him (26), it ended up being one of the reasons I broke up with him. If it’s something you value, reconsider how compatible you are. If you don’t care as much about international travel then maybe it’s not a big deal!

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Seconding this.

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My family is an immigrant family and my parents were working class but they had been able to take me on trips to Asia (China, Singapore, Indonesia) and Europe (albeit a North Sea cruise and Mediterranean cruise to countries like UK, Spain, Italy, France, Norway, Sweden) before I graduated college. Traveling internationally helps expand your horizons and let’s you learn the richness of other societies.

OP if you are seeking that richness yourself you should encourage your guy see if he’s willing to travel and see if you guys have the same excitement from that perspective. If it’s a dealbreaker for you don’t feel ashamed and just pass on him.

likeupliftinghelpful

It seems like I struck a nerve for a lot of women here hahah not sure why everyone’s so pressed. Y’all can have this guy, clearly I’m not a good match for him, time to move on

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SA2 - your read game is unmatched. Level: Expert

funny

yes.

I don’t think it’s really fair to judge how someone else decides spend their leisure time and money. 

I would think you wouldn’t want someone to judge you on something you may consider innocuous.

Whether he has traveled internationally or not doesn’t really get down to brass tacks of is he a good person? does he treat you well? is he kind?etc.

To me that would be more important than how many stamps he has his passport. 

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