Tell me I am right. Right?
Went for a date today - it’s super cold I wore a trench coat, thick socks, and jeans + gloves.
Date shows up in a LBD and jacket (her entire legs braving the cold) — so I being superrr cold just instinctively go “omg girl how are you not freezing in that, I couldn’t even wear chinos in this weather”
She goes that’s rude, and I am shaming her and like just left.
Like it was an observation I am not saying she can’t wear whatever she wants. It’s just objectively cold!
How’s a genuine question about whether or not the weather’s affecting her, shaming her? Sounds like you dodged a massive bullet 🚩🚩🚩
Enthusiast
Tbh I think it was less the question itself and more the delivery. The way OP phrased it here sounds kind of annoying itself and it makes me wonder if there was more said in person as well. Wouldn't call it shaming though as much as I would nagging.
From the information OP gave though it does sound like an overreaction. Probably dodged a bullet if that was all it took.
1. She was cold
2. She spent hours deciding between practical versus dress to kill, she wanted to impress you
3. You probably never even bothered to acknowledge she looked nice, went straight to judgment
4. You could have made a decision to get her to a warm location ASAP
5. What else was said in between the initial comment and her leaving? I'm betting money she left after you said something insensitive that was left out in this post. (I'll follow up if I see her side on TikTok)
6. You will be faced with cold women for the rest of your life, the winning strategy is to have a blanket or spare jacket/hoodie in your car and wash it in between girls who use it
I’m not a child. I don’t expect men to carry blankets around for me.
I’m also not a princess. This comment alone wouldn’t have caused that reaction. OP dodged a bullet.
Chief
She probably left because you prefaced it with “omg girl” but that’s just me.
Wondering now if this is female to female, and not male to female conversation. Makes a total difference in the way I feel about this!
Rising Star
If she left over that, she never wanted to be there in the first place. On to the next lol
Chief
This is also true. Lol
Enthusiast
Bruh, you insulted her outfit. She must’ve spent hours deciding what to wear. . . You could have just responded with, “you look great, want some hot chocolate?” 😬
thissssss
She's a crackhead . Move on . For someone who got offended by that , you just saved yourself some money which you would have spent on her
Who uses it ironically? Just retire the term.
Enthusiast
On a first date?
Any woman insecure enough to torture herself like that in freezing weather, for a relationship that hasn't even started, is not worth it. Wearing cute but comfortable/weather appropriate clothes is a sign of self respect, and self regard.
That said, you were objective, but lacked tact. It's a date. She braved the freezing weather to look nice and show up. Compliment first and then say your piece - "you look so nice! But aren't you freezing? Would you like my jacket and maybe some hot tea? (As you motion for the waiter)". Shows that you noticed, shows that you cared, shows that you are protective and solution oriented.
She was likely so frozen that she was feeling cranky, and instead you set her off instead of letting her relax and feel psychology safe for making the stupid outfit decision she knows she made.
Rising Star
Date appropriate clothing? Anything that is clean and reasonable is “date appropriate”. Men don’t care about clothes, women do. Men will fall in love with a gal even just wearing jeans and a white tshirt, if she’s got the smile, personality and looks they want. Clothing can be location appropriate, weather appropriate, occasion appropriate, but there is no specific dress code for a date. Either way, so much investment on a first date is unnecessary, let the relationship be worth investing in before you invest time, money, and headspace. Just my opinion and how I found my soulmate hubby (in an vneck cashmere sweater, jeans, and booties on our first date in Nov in LA, though I did dress up much more after things started picking up speed a few weeks and few dates later).
Chief
If you didn’t start with “you look gorgeous,” then you kind of sounded rude. Why would pointing out the impracticality of her outfit be the first comment you make to someone you want to get to know?
And I agree with the above commenter - she probably spent a while picking something out that would make her feel confident for the date. I don’t think I would have left, but I would have thought your comment is rude, and it would have been tough for you to come back from that.
perfect comment. instead of sounding judgemental, it recognizes the effort and gives props. classy.
Someone who dresses like that in the weather you’re describing is trying to get noticed. You insulted her outfit, which was obviously uncomfortable and not warm enough. She wanted you to see her body for a reason.
She could have just played along , I don't get that cold . It's bearable for a bit . She could have also said something like , I couldn't make up my mind. There are numerous ways to carry on a conversation if she was interested.
She left because she was cold
Enthusiast
Why would your 1st reaction be to criticize her outfit choice? Ask yourself that.
Criticism? Sounds like he made a basic observation and not at all criticism on how she looked.
You went negative and critical of her outfit within moments of meeting her….She dodged a bullet.
Or he was concerned? Ain’t perspective something lol
Enthusiast
I had a friend who was like her. Once you got to know her she would turn into a needy emotionally unstable psycho. Sad but true.
Are you 12?
Rising Star
Some would say you dodged a bullet
Enthusiast
More like a cannon ball
Chief
She put effort into looking good for a date and you shot down her outfit lol. Everyone would take your comment differently, I would see it as kind of rude and not know what to say, like ‘yeah it’s fucking cold but I tried to dress up’ or ‘obviously I wouldn’t have worn this if I wasn’t prepared for the cold’? It probably would’ve turned me off because it doesn’t seem like our senses of humor would gel.
Rising Star
People are too damn sensitive these days. You dodged a bullet
Rising Star
I say this as a woman
No one was wrong. He’s joking and she’s too sensitive. Sheesh
We also don't know the words that were said in between, the two sentences he shared before she left.
I'm female and I don't get what he did wrong. Everyone is so hyper-sensitive these days.
Me too!
She used it as an excuse to get away from you lol
Chief
I get why she didn’t like your reaction (I wouldn’t have either after spending time trying to present myself in an attractive way), but that was mad dramatic of her to just leave.