Tell me it’s ok not to want another child. Tell me that having one kid is enough and he won’t regret not having a sibling. I am not mentally ready for another child. I’m 40 years old and I’m just done. I like where I’m career wise, life wise. I feel horrible about lying to my spouse. But I can give so much more to this one child than to two.

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It’s ok. One kid is enough. I think a lot of people go into having a child knowing (or deciding) it’s one and done. There is nothing wrong with that. There are plenty of wonderful people I know who were only children. I do suggest you talk to you spouse about how you’re feeling. I also recommend counseling if it becomes a bigger issue you can’t resolve between the two of you.

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I know everyone’s experience is different, but speaking for myself I was an only child and never really wished for a sibling. I had a wonderful childhood with wonderful parents and don’t feel like I missed out. Don’t let fear that your child will regret not having siblings push you into something that isn’t right for you and your family.

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You literally just did in your paragraph above

Do what’s right for you, if you stretch yourself then everyone suffers. I have 3 kids, love them all, but it’s INTENSE all of the time.

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It’s not selfish to only take on what you can handle emotionally and to make sure that you are giving your child the best of you.

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I love being an only child. My partner has 2 sisters and I was happy to never have to share anything growing up 😂 I wanted a sibling when I was younger when it rained because I didn’t have anyone to play with. Otherwise, I’m fine.

Never feel obligated to do anything as far as having/not having children.

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It’s totally fine to feel that way! But it sounds like the “lying” part is much more stressful to you. I’d urge you to be honest with your partner, because the further you go down this road of pretending you DO want another kid when you know you don’t, the higher the stakes get.

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42 with one kid. My wife is fine with that too. Given our age and how close we are to our financial goals, we are opting to go with "one and done."

As a husband, there is so much more I could give to my son and wife that having another one may ruin what we have.

Could we regret it? Probably when he is off to college but I can't imagine raising another one.

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Plus one, exactly my story except I'm the mom not the dad. Husband still wishes we could handle another but is aware it's not realistic.

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It’s OK.

My wife and I took years to get pregnant and she didn’t have our second until 40. It was a hard pregnancy and we had a c-section. We had the doc do a tubal ligation at the time. She had misgivings the next day. She was the third of three and I know she always thought of us having three. But it didn’t happen and that’s alright.

The second guessing is natural. But you’re making the best decision for your family.

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A happy mom makes a happy kid is something I truly believe in. My parents had my brother when I was 8 and though it was a blessing for me, it was extremely difficult for my mum with her health concerns during pregnancy, and my baby brother born with some health concerns as well. My mum is a physician, and she had to take time off to care for my brother which put her back couple of years behind to her colleagues and she was bitter about it! My husband is only child and grew up with a happy mum who cared for him and herself equally. I dont think you are selfish if you putting yourself first! You are actually being smart and taking steps for being a happy mum!

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I actually have a sibling. He’s older than me by 10 years. We call each other maybe twice a year. We don’t really talk even though we live in the same city. So the whole “how great it is to have a sibling” passed me by. He resented having a younger sibling and I resented not being wanted. Our parents tried really hard to make us closer. Even now they constant remind us to be closer. My child seems happy as is and he gets two parents’ attention at all times. Yet he’s kind, sweet and just a good person.

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Only child here. Turned out to be gay and kind of a loner. Sometimes wish I had a sibling who might have had some kids so I'd have some blood relatives after my mom dies.

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I have gay friends. They opted for a surrogate so now they have twins. Not sure if it’s an option for you?

I actually think it's selfish to have kids / have more kids if you're aware that you can't or shouldn't for whatever reason.

No matter how hard you try, it ends up coming out down the line. Whether it's outright abuse or the simmering resentment of watching things shift / pass by because your attention is tied up in the child (as it should be).

That thing some people say they experience -- where having a child buoys them and they gain deeper purpose -- doesn't always happen. Sometimes, everyone ends up miserable.

Note: I'm the product if someone that didn't want kids and it turned out terrible (like Lifetime movie terrible), so there's that.

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It’s ok to have one child. We have two and while I love her to bits I wish I had stuck to one.

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I’m an only child and I’m very happy despite that being the case.

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Mom of “one and done” here. We initially were not going to have any kids but decided together that we would like to have one. Our daughter was the first to say she doesn’t want any siblings. We used to joke about having more kids and she would get so mad about sharing her Mommy and Daddy. She’s older now and we’re a very tight knit family of three. It’s okay to just have one!

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Mother of a 21 y/o single child, here from the future to tell you ... families come in all configurations and your one kid is NOT doomed to suffer for not having siblings. 2 books that really helped shift my thinking on this: Maybe One, by Bill McKibben; and Parenting Your Only Child, by Susan Newman.

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Why do you feel you have to lie about being happy with one?

I’m an only child and somehow turned into a happy functioning adult!

One other wholly unscientific observation: As many of my peers’ children approach adulthood and independence, the parents of singletons often seem to have an easier time transitioning to empty nest-hood than parents with larger families. That may be partly because it’s easier to maintain non-kid-centric interests with just 1 child, and partly because if you know all along that you’re not going to automatically be surrounded with a large family for milestones & holidays, you build traditions that don’t require it. For example, we’ve had a big Christmas open house for 20-30 friends and neighbors every year, which will continue (post-pandemic) even if our daughter moves away or spends the day with a partner/in laws and isn’t around.

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