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Hi Fishes, Can Anyone please tell, one of my friend joined Tech M in August, At the time of joining she was 3 months pregnant and now shes worrying about her manager. She wants to inform them about her pregnancy; is it right time to inform? Or she needs to wait for 6 more months for that to inform? Anyone please clearify.. HCL Technologies Newco Tata Consultancy Accenture Deloitte
Hi Fishes ,
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It gets better! And the challenges are different, but you’ll adjust and find a way to cope. Week 2 is survival mode time. Ask for help. Let the laundry pile up. Order take out. No, make your SO order take out. Sleep whenever possible. Do your stiz bath, if applicable ... hand off baby and take 20 mins alone. Tell your SO you need to have a full water bottle and snacks on hand at all times, especially if you’re breast feding. Sit on the couch and just do the eat, sleep, change cycle. And remember — you are the only mon this baby has. No one else knows him/her like you do. Go with your instincts and you will be right, regardless of what anyone else says. This is going to be true for your child’s entire life.
With love from a mom of a 2 and 4 year olds!
Two thoughts on the cluster feeding ...
1) has your milk really come in yet? Even if it has, you need to make an effort to keep building your supply. Rest, water, eating food like oatmeal, pineapple, even order lactation cookie from Amazon. Once your milk supply build over the next week or two, if cluster feeding continues, see below.
2) Have you tried a pacifier? You might need to hold it in your baby’s mouth at first. Baby might be sucking for comfort and not out of hunger.
My best advice that made a big difference during that stage between my first and second baby:
Don't run around like a maniac trying to go through ever possible thing your baby might need/want. Remember that at that stage, your baby has very basic needs:
1. Milk (nursing/bottle/whatever. I did strict schedule with baby #1 and did baby-led with #2 and man baby led was so much less stressful. I didn't have to freak out that baby looks hungry but just ate 15 minutes ago: "what do I do? Should I google it? Omg what if I mess it up? Isn't there a schedule?" I said "nope. Baby looks hungry. Mama instinct is to feed baby. Just feed baby." Decision fatigue is real and I found it so amazing to let baby make a bunch :))
2. Warmth (a baby that is warm and snug will nap way better than a baby that is cold.)
3. Burps/Farts (their tummies are sensitive to both. If you suspect tummy issues, I found that all the crap they sell are just gimmicks that make us, the mommies, feel better because we feel like we are actively doing something. A warm tummy helps when you have period cramps and I'm convinced that babies are no different. Hug baby with his/her tummy facing you, hand on their butt and they almost always let it out. Husbands are particularly useful here. Mine is a freaking furnace. I put him to use. I swear every time he hugged one of them like that, they'd either poop or fart lol it's still a running joke in our family)
4. Sleep (lack of sleep = cranky baby. Remember that baby napped most of the day in your belly. First two weeks they're still basically koalas. Mine were on eat sleep poop cycle to the max. As long as first 3 things are taken care of, sleep will come. Keep background noise on for them and nap when they do, except first nap of the day which is your hot shower time.)
If they're fed, warm, had a good poop/burp/fart and are well rested, they're happy. Period. Then you're happy.
Literally everything else in your house is your husband's responsibility right now.
Also yes to your actual ask: this too shall pass. It gets better. Then worse. Then better. It's a rollercoaster but they're so freaking cute it's worth it. You'll be fine.
It gets better! I feel like it got much better around 8 weeks. I cried every single day for the first month. Happy, sad, frustrated, tired, I cried. Be easy in yourself. Hormones are real!
Baby blues is real. I’m not an emotional type and never been super hormonal, and I started crying every night around dinner time those first few weeks at home. Hot showers and fresh air and 5 min in my room by myself helped tremendously! It’s all hard but it definitely gets better than where you’re at right now. Also second another persons suggestion make sure you are working with an LC it will help a ton on the breastfeeding.
It gets a lot better, hang in there! You’ll look back and realize how quickly those precious moments of middle of the night snuggles/feeding fly by, or your baby being small enough to simply fall asleep in your arms. Savor it and know you’re doing a great job!
Enthusiast
Thank you! Everyone told me this exactly! I am trying so hard to enjoy these moments and savor every snuggle, but terrified of messing this up.
Main goal: survive the day! That’s what I always told myself.
Things get easier at 3 months. Then 6 months. Then 9. Then 12. After 18 months your brain will have blocked out all the newborn memories and you’ll want another one 😂 (currently 32 weeks with my 2nd. FML)
Second that! At 17 months and the PTSD is fading...
Empathizing with you so hard right now, I'm 13 days in with my first little one, and it is exhausting to say the least
I'll have to let you know when I get there 😩 I'd say at this point I've started to enjoy the days but for whatever reason our little lady loves being up from 10pm-1am to cluster feed and that's probably the worst part right now
It gets better. D1 has great advice for those brutal initial 3 weeks. You’ll find a groove. Once you feel up for it, start getting out of the house every day for a walk or an errand. Fresh air, change of scenery, and an “event” each day to break the monotony does wonders.
Enthusiast
Thank you! Please tell me it gets better after 3 weeks (even if its not true, please just say it to give hope to his scared, naive, feeling useless mama)...
One day at a time....that’s all you have to do rn. D1 gave great advice. it will get easier! I would reiterate sleep whenever possible. Do not run around the house doing things when baby sleeps. It’s amazing what just a little bit more sleep will do for you!
My first was a 34 weeker with an under developed sucking reflex. The first two weeks were brutal, trying to nurse and get him to latch him getting frustrated me getting frustrated me crying me pumping endless cycle. It was like a never ending seventh circle of hell but it passed! You absolutely will get through this! Seek supportive advice and encouragement here or from trusted friends and family members lactation consultant‘s whoever makes you feel good is who should be around you right now. 
I feel your pain, mama. 20 days in with my first, today was his actual due date weirdly enough - who knew breastfeeding would be so hard? My left nipple always hurts, I want to go outside for a walk so badly but it’s hard to plan around his frequent feedings, daddy went back to work today, but I’m so grateful he’s WFH.
I thought I had covid the day after hospital discharge, but turned out to be mastitis. So painful. I can’t even fathom returning to work in a few months - how will I give him what he needs?
Just know you’re not alone in all the uncertainty, loneliness, and sometimes, sadness. I love him but haven’t really connected with him yet (he also looks nothing like me and completely like his dad). I keep wanting to be productive, but remember that my job is to feed him, feed myself, and that’s pretty much it for now. I feel like a blob.
I love the advice on this thread. Please keep it coming, seasoned mamas. So helpful. <3
Silverettes for the nips. And the connection
/ bonding comes with time!
FTM here with a 4 week old here. Hang in there, you can do it! I cried most of the first week from the pain (take your meds and more if needed) and a bad feeding latch. Take all the help you can get from the SO, lactation consultants, takeout etc. and take a day at a time. The feedings will settle down once the baby gets growing and used to you and you’ll manage some shuteye in longer intervals. Big hugs.
As everyone else has said, it will get better! The fourth trimester is so hard and recovering from a c section makes it that much harder.
Here’s a little poem of encouragement I found really touching. Not sure of the original author but I’ve seen it a couple times in mom groups.
Dear mama,
Could you wake up for a minute? I know it's hard for you to open your eyes - we haven't slept a lot yet tonight. But mama, I kinda need you right now. You see, the thing is, I feel a bit lonely at the moment. I'm laying here in my crib and I'm somewhat cold.
I didn't mean to cry so I'm sorry I did. I've been trying to get your attention by making some noises for a while now but you were in such a deep sleep, you couldn't hear me. I don't know how else to get your attention. During the day, I see and hear you all make noises and I see you respond well to each other. You talk to me like that too. And I try very hard but I don't know how to do that yet. So I cry so you'd listen to me.
Mama, I'm sorry for crying. Like I said, I feel a bit lonely. I just spent nine months inside your belly where I've always felt safe. It's a bit scary to me to be in such a big bed all by myself. I miss your heartbeat, the rushing of your blood, the warmth and the food. I miss your breathing and your hands you put over me to protect me when I still was inside your belly.
So mama, would you please listen to me? I'm calling for you in the only way I'm able to. I feel really alone. I need your warmth and your peace for a moment. I need to know for sure you're still here. So can I come lay with you for a little while to feel your warmth?
Some cuddles first. Mama, this feels so nice. When I feel you holding me while you gently rock me and when I can smell and feel you, I feel so safe. I can feel your hand on my back and my ear is placed just right on your heart. Mom, this is home to me. Do you remember back when we were always together? I always felt like this back then. Sometimes I miss that time. It was so nice to be close to you.
I hear you softly whisper into my ear "Everything is okay little one, everything is fine". Your voice is so soft and familiar. You smell good mom. A bit like me and a bit like you.
Mama, will you hold me just a little longer? I'm really tired and I feel so relaxed in your arms. It almost feels like before. I'm going to close my eyes for a little while, okay? Can I please stay with you here a little longer to enjoy your love and your presence?
And can I drink some more? Mama, since we're laying like this anyway...I'd like to ask you something. I know, it sounds pretty sad because I can't talk like you can yet so I'm sorry for crying again. But mama, can I please drink some more? My throat is dry and my tummy is empty and since we're here anyway...maybe I can have a few more sips? Your milk tastes delicious and is so warm and familiar.
Thanks mom, that's exactly what I needed. I was really really thirsty. Your finger on my cheek feels great by the way. And you're smiling at me. Nothing makes me happier than seeing your smile and feeling your presence. I'll close my eyes again, okay? Please don't put me away straight away, I really enjoy falling asleep here. This feels really good. Can I stay with you for another hour or so?
My tummy hurts. What is that?! Mama! Can you feel this? Mom? My tummy hurts so bad. What is happening? Please help me mama, I don't know what's happening. I've never felt anything like this.
Thank you for rubbing my belly mom. It's late and everyone is asleep. I'm so happy you're here for me. I don't know what I'd do without you mama. My tummy already hurts less and when you hold me like that...I feel pretty tired. Maybe I'll close my eyes again. Please hold me a little longer?
Can I have more cuddles? You won't believe this mama! I'm a bit scared. I just woke up and I didn't know where I was for a second. It was all dark and a little cold again. I know you're tired mama. But I really missed you, can I please be with you again for a while?
Mama, I can see that you're tired. There are tears in your eyes and every now and then a tear rolls down your cheek. I'm sorry mama but I feel really strange in this new world. I miss home. I miss always being close to you.
Sometimes I feel a tear fall on my head while you gently rock me. You're singing me a song so that I can go back to sleep. You softly dry the tears that fell on my head with your hand. That feels nice mom, do that again?
I fall asleep on your chest. You feel so soft, so familiar. There's nowhere I sleep better than here. My legs are pulled up, just like they were back when I still lived with you. I can hear your heartbeat again and I move along with your breathing.
I will learn soon. Mama, you're the best place to be. I'm so glad I get to come to you over and over again. I don't like being unable to just ask either but I'm really happy you listen to me when I call for you.
Soon, I'll be able to be there for you. Or for my brothers or sisters. Or for my friends in school. You're teaching me how to take care of someone. You're teaching me that you listen, even when I can't ask. You're teaching me I'm safe, even when sometimes it feels like I'm not. You're teaching me that you love me, even when you're very tired. Thank you.
And mama, I love you.
Oh mama I posted something so so similar to this early in the newborn phase with my daughter. It gets SO much better. One day at a time. Each week you should be able to get a longer stretch of sleep for your babe until they are sleeping through the night and then you will start to get pieces of your independence back. Consider asking for help from a postpartum doula or getting a night nurse for a break. Even if there are things you can handle - get other people to do them as much as possible or outsource it (laundry, cooking, trash, all chores). Your only care in the world should be taking care of yourself and your baby. Feel free to DM me with any questions. I have a 16 month old.
Since you’ve expressed appreciation for being prepared from this bowl, I’ll share that weeks 4-12 will likely still be hard, but somethings will definitely get easier. Your body recover from giving birth, you’ll get the hang of feeding, and you’ll just know your baby better. The babies themselves can just get harder - Mine always got harder to keep happy after 4 weeks because they more fully “woke up.”
Everything is just a phase - and ultimately it will get better!
You will sleep again, you will shower again... it all comes back. Those first months are brutal no matter how prepared you are- you’re recovering from pregnancy and birth, you’re sleep deprived and learning how to be a mom. I don’t have any advice except to say you’ll make it .. and take pictures of that baby as before you know it they will be grown. Seems impossible now but you’ll blink and years will have flown by. Take care- hugs.
And yes! It gets better!! The 4th trimester is real but when you get beyond that you will feel much more human.
Talk to your provider about the extent you are having a hard time and be honest.
This time is hard, but PPD can happen in a flash and it is good to have people watching for signs of depression or anxiety that are beyond the realm of being tired and hormonal changes.
First, congratulations!
Second, sending virtual hugs your way! As everyone said, it gets better! I was a mess when we first brought our son home after a few days in the NICU; it was a combination of sleep deprivation, worries about his jaundice and apparent lack of interest in eating, my milk coming in super late, etc. and I was pretty much crying every other night, but starting around week 4 things started improving and now at 5 months our son is so easygoing and I absolutely love being a mom!
Rising Star
It gets much better!!! The days are long but the years are short. Just survive and don’t focus too much on the uncertainty. You are not doing anything wrong that will damage your baby, they just don’t really know how to function.
Pro
Op the first month was a blur... lack of sleep, feeding challenges, no time and c section recovery was roughhhhh. I had limited mobility longer than I expected. My advice is to take it easy. I’m 7 months pp now and life is totally different and filled with lots more sleep and joy.
Conversation Starter
I just gave birth two weeks ago and feel this so much. I feel we don’t talk about this often enough!