The Big 4 walk into a bar. McKinsey, Bain, and BCG arrived a few minutes earlier and are ordering drinks. The other firms are already there too, in various stages of intoxication. What happens next? Who does what? Bonus points: which firm is the jaded, apathetic bartender?

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30 minutes later, the bar is an uproar. PwC didn’t bring enough Starburst from its recruiting swag stash to go around and gave one to everyone in the bar except KPMG. PwC and KPMG are circling each other while the crowd eggs them on, excited at the spectacle of a good old bar brawl. “You’re not good enough to deserve one!” PwC yells. “Oh yeah? Booz seemed to think so! What’s he calling himself now? Strategy&?!” KPMG retorts. “What are you talking about saying that my sweet S& thinks you’re good enough. He married me, didn’t he?!” PwC points out. “Yeah, only after I refused to commit and dumped his ass,” KPMG finishes. The bar goes silent before someone utters, “Burrrnnnn.” “Oh please—what is this—2005?” PwC tries to ask, but PwC is interrupted mid sentence by KPMG’s fist. The first punch has been thrown and the fight erupts. Meanwhile, EY sighs and looks over at Deloitte, who’s momentarily appeared at EY’s side.

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Come up with an idea and write a pilot episode. Who knows maybe it will get picked up by Netflix, Hulu or one of the other 18 streaming services

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Little Arthur sat on the curb watching the glitter. A world that was so near yet so far. He once was the king. He taught the definition of affluence to affluents. He was the driving force behind the motors and the railways. He ran the stock markets from London to Tokyo. He was the Jesus of consulting and yet today, people barely remembered him. ‘Kids these days!!’ he murmured as he shook his head. As Arthur glanced through the crystal clear glass of the bar, it was evident that Big4 and MBB took pride at being legends of consulting. They chatted with each other boasting their contribution to consulting industry. That night wine flowed like water flows through the streams after an orgasmic rainstorm while Arthur sat in his despair. ‘This too shall pass’, Arthur said to himself. ‘There will be a morning that will bring hope with its first sun rays. Good days didn’t last, bad days won’t either. My time will come again. People will once again kneel in front of King Arthur.’ Arthur assured himself.

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Deloitte is the nerdy kid who had a major glow up in college but is still insecure from his high school days. He enters the room with his other B4 buddies and scans it, noting MBB. He utters a quick “see ya later losers” before heading over to break into the MBB circle. KPMG, PwC, and EY nod off this behavior, which has become all too typical ever since Deloitte married Monitor and Monitor got into Deloitte’s head telling him they need to start cultivating more advantageous relationships with “their own kind.” Despite the fact that PwC married Booz, who grew up down the street from Monitor but whose family’s money is much older, Deloitte has taken Monitor’s words to heart and tries to break away from the B4 crowd whenever possible.

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Omg I actually “high brow” laughed so hard at this. Very clever, well done!

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EY is the bar’s auditor and therefore the bar is likely heading towards insolvency. Everyone realizes and drinks like there’s no tomorrow.

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Did someone say insolvency?

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I assess the risk of the situation.

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Important envelope? Seriously?

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I build a platform that leverages AI/ML ( with no distinction between the two) to optimize who is drinking what, how often, and with the goal of maximizing revenue for the bar. It’s a very expensive solution that will take at least 9 months and 50 consultants to deploy. As a bonus, you get 200 slides with archaic and hard to digest architectural diagrams and network topology.

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My boss: hey can you work on the deck Me: hell yeah buddy 😍💅🏼 *sees complicated diagrams out my skillset* Me: well f***

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Gartner/Forrester are the bartenders. We pass whatever hard won wisdom they give all of us when we have no where else to turn as our own.

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Deloitte strolls in pantsless, immediately hits on the MBB crew. Is rejected but confidently rejoins the big four and lies about all the digits he got... the big four have a boring night otherwise, head to a few other bars after the first round of drinks and somehow lose KPMG along the way. KPMG drank too much and got lost on the bar hop and is slurring words in a dive bar with uggos.

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Uggos lmao

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KPMG wakes up and realizes they were never invited to begin with

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Deloitte is holding several drinks. EY reaches for one before Deloitte slaps EY’s hand away. “These are for my friends.” Deloitte gestures to MBB. “Oh you guys are taking turns grabbing rounds?” EY asks. “Wellllll...not exactly. You see, they make me buy each round and bring it back. But you know me—I’d do anything for my friends,” Deloitte explains. “Uh huh,” EY sighs again, watching Deloitte scurry over to the MBB clique.

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At a bar nearby, an infinite set of people walk in. The first in line orders a pint of beer. The second orders a half pint. The third orders a quarter pint.... KPMG, the ditzy bartender, gets confused and refuses to serve this crowd of people. EY steps in, pours a pint of whiskey, takes a swig, and hands the rest to the infinite set suggesting that the whiskey will do just fine even if it’s not what they ordered. PwC jumps over the bar and immediately pours two pints of beer, hands it to the infinite set of people and proceeds to value share the experience at their next firmwide webcast. Deloitte, knocks over the beers PwC has poured, and refills the liquid with slightly better beers in fancier glasses. The infinite set of patrons refuses to pay, blaming the bad economy.

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This one, this is it

Mbb talking about the glory days of order 66 and the younglings

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KPMG is the bartender!!!

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Slalom is the hot floozy on the side looking for attention from B4 and MBB, but ultimately goes home with Accenture.

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*whips out fake ID* Just hanging with some fellow cool kids, bartender. Give me a pint of alcohol!

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Booz is in the corner of the bar reminiscing about the 60s

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We’re probably bar management wondering what’s the cheapest source for spirits, whether you will notice the substitution, and how weak can we make the drinks and get away with it. Ultimately we land on a sliding scale based on how inebriated the customer is and call it responsible bar tending.

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Excellent!!

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D makes an excuse to not show up as there are doubts in some minds as to if this is even ethical.

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Oliver Wyman has left the chat.

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We learn so much about ourselves from reading the writing of others

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