{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "The last guy I dated put me on a pedestal. At first I thought it was flattering but now I’m realizing how utterly damaging it was to both out mental health and how it likely came more from a place of insecurity than anything. Anyone else experienced this? Trying to figure how to tell the difference in the future between genuine interest and an unhealthy situation like that.", "post_id": "60f6388c742e5a0024ba30a1", "reply_count": 4, "vote_count": 3, "bowl_id": "59e88be7e2808e00149b0443", "bowl_name": "Women In Consulting" }

The last guy I dated put me on a pedestal. At first I thought it was flattering but now I’m realizing how utterly damaging it was to both out mental health and how it likely came more from a place of insecurity than anything. Anyone else experienced this? Trying to figure how to tell the difference in the future between genuine interest and an unhealthy situation like that.

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I too am skeptical of boys like this. I can usually tell when a boy seems to be giving me attention and putting me on a pedestal versus actually trying to get to know me and be real. Find someone who genuinely seems to appreciate you. Those people won't put you on a pedestal, and whatever happens will be way more real and long-term.

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I'm sorry you went through this. For me, I wish I had looked out for love bombing and the affirmation of the person I wanted to be (but not who I actually was). At the time, I was feeling lonely and insecure so it made me fairly receptive to becoming easily smitten. But all the compliments without him making any effort to truly get to know me as well as the fact that he told me what I wanted to hear (which I loved at the time) -- it made me realize, in retrospect, that it was all vacuous. Felt more like cotton candy. And that's not a good foundation for a relationship. I needed to do some self reflection, especially on my attraction to unavailable partners. The second thread on this reddit post (about identifying emotions vs selfish people) was helpful to me: https://amp.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/84miv6/what_are_the_signs_of_an_emotionally_unavailable/

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What about being put on a pedestal made you uncomfortable?

I started to realize that the love bombing came more from a place of insecurity. Seemed like he felt like he had to because if he didn’t gas me up everyday I’d lose interest. It also made me feel like he had this perfect vision of me and that I could never fail, which is unhealthy for many reasons. I just thought it created this weird, toxic power dynamic that I didn’t want and it most definitely ate away at both of us and think it was a big factor in things ending between us.

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