{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "This dude who is poly said he loves cooking and his love language is acts of service. He’s a mutual acquaintance I just met. I’m the opposite of poly and it’s not a secret. He cooked a meal and left it on my doorstep because I’ve been sick. I didn’t know he was gonna do that. As a friend gesture it was kind if him. But IS IT a friend gesture, knowing what I know of him? I wanna be courteous. But I’m not sure how to read this or how to clarify it without risking embarrassment either way???", "post_id": "61e4aaaf2e295400314f9bfd", "reply_count": 44, "vote_count": 6, "bowl_id": "5e8656b80bdab1002a7355dc", "bowl_name": "Confession ", "feed_type": "bowl" }

This dude who is poly said he loves cooking and his love language is acts of service. He’s a mutual acquaintance I just met. I’m the opposite of poly and it’s not a secret. He cooked a meal and left it on my doorstep because I’ve been sick. I didn’t know he was gonna do that. As a friend gesture it was kind if him. But IS IT a friend gesture, knowing what I know of him? I wanna be courteous. But I’m not sure how to read this or how to clarify it without risking embarrassment either way???

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Agree - send a text thanking him. That’s all. Sounds like you met a nice guy who is a good friend. Also sounds like you just met him and he probably thought you were a cool guy and obviously friend of a friend and he wanted to be nice since you’re sick (assuming you have to quarantine which explains leaving food at your door and why it is super helpful to prepare a meal for you during this time). If he ends up being into you romantically, you will deal with that when it comes and in the same way you should with anyone else you’re not into - sorry, I’m just not interested in a romantic relationship but I do like you as a friend and would like to continue that if possible…

likesmart

"Poly" man here. This made me laugh 😂 This very weekend I took tupperwares of stew to two friends of mine who were sick. One is a lifetime male friend, the other is a (rather hot) lady I met last year. I'll try to explain a couple of things: 1. What does "affection language" even means. 2. How to effectively communicate with polyamorous people 1. The love or affection language is the way in which you tend to show care more offen for other human beings. We poly people usually don't want to hump everyone around us. When I prepared the food and drove to their respective homes I did it exclusively because I enjoy sharing and taking care of the people I love. I haven't had sex with any, nor plan to do so. But even if I would like to (with my female friend there has been sexual tension since we met), that wouldn't change a thing. There are always "polyfakes", narcissists and toxic people in general around, but polyamorous ethics is about being honest with you and with others: if you do things, do them because you want to do them, not waiting to get anything in return. 2. We tend to be super clear and assertive. You are not going to hurt his feelings by being honest and telling him you appreciate him fondly as a friend, but don't hold any kind of erotic attraction towards him. Quite oppositely, what might end up hurting him is you telling him unclear messages which make him think you are interested if that's not the case (some classical examples: telling him "maybe" or "not now" instead of "no, but thank you! 😊") Hope this helps.

likeuplifting

Were you the one who took food to OP

funnylikesmart
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1. Text him thx for the food 2. Don’t sleep with him Solved it.

likefunnysmart

M1 bringing’ the MECE👁👄👁

likefunny

You're overthinking this OP. Enjoy your meal

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Enjoy the meal. Be kind back. Don’t get involved - he’s not your type

likehelpful

You can love your friends in a platonic way, that’s all this has to be. Like others said, just don’t sleep with him lol

likesmarthelpful

Thank you brother! You’re a good friend!

Sorry but this really annoys me. Why question his motives when he did something so nice, just because you know he's poly? A person can be nice and also be poly. Unrelated attributes.

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For real. Poly does not mean they sleep with anything that breathes lol. I've done this for my guy friends and it's because I like to cook and want to be a nice person in this world. I was sick when i was abroad and some random dude i met found out how sick i was and also left me food. I was so grateful and now I pass it along.

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This is why many women here remain single. A nice guy does a really nice gesture of making a meal and dropping it at your door - no contact with the drop off while you’re sick and you are here asking about what his motives are instead of saying thank you and being gracious? How ridiculous!!

likefunnysmart

SBA1 - then I guess you don’t have really close genuine friends, and that’s more a reflection on you than anything. I have straight friends that I do this for and vice versa.

If you think of it as friends, say “Thanks! You are such a good friend.” If you think of it as more, say “Thanks! I wish I could have invited you in for the evening.”

likehelpful

This ^^^ I wish I could think on my feet like this in social situations

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Thank you everyone for helping me out. I learned some things. 😉

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Hahahahaha

I don’t understand why you that because somebody is poly, they automatically want to sleep with you because they made you food when you felt sick.

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I’m trying to be considerate of his poly preferences but I’m not adept enough; not thinking I’m gods gift to man and anyone would fuck me any second if they got a chance. You have the wrong impression.

OP, during the past week, most of my friends have been sick. It includes all spectrum of queerness. I was delivering food and soup for all. Does it makes me gay for them 🤔🥺😒 I highly recommend trying having friends... good friends who are kind to you esp during isolation of your pandemic. Additionally, if you question it too much, please send them my way.

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SBA, thank you for confirming Freudian psychology, after all we are all little bit of gay anyway

What’s a poly

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It's a parrot (character) in Peppa Pig. It's pretty Meta if you know what I mean

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I would hate to welcome an advance unknowingly, but I would love to be a kind friend back if that’s what it was. And I hate to ask, cuz I’m not judging I just don’t know how to act accordingly. Trying to be a good person makes me so anxious!

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I don't know if he/she was just being a good friend or if ulterior motives were involved, but lemme get their number.

Unpopular opinion but a man doesn’t cook you dinner and drive it to your house to just be your friend. If anything, he’d send you Uber eats. There’s motive in action.

EY1 how is this toxic masculinity?

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