This is going to be tough one folks: I’ve been diagnosed with a terminal illness with very uncertain odds of me beating it. That is not the problem I need advice with. I have been dating a great cont.

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Wow. From a stranger on the internet, I’d tell her everything and talk it through together. You need and deserve all the help you can get.

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First of all, I hope you beat the odds, OP!
If I were her, I would definitely want to know. Why would you deny her the right to know the truth? After all this time together, why would you lie to her in such an important matter? It’s something that you can both work out together. Just let her know what you just said, that you do not expect her to move to your country, etc. (If that’s what you want). Good luck!

likeupliftinghelpful

If you’ve been with her for 1.5 years I think she deserves the respect of the truth. I don’t think you’re necessarily wrong for wanting to break things off with her depending how far away home is, but if you do she deserves to know the truth

likehelpful

Tell her the truth. And also OP, terminal illnesses could be very different. My mom has a terminal illness for a decade now and probably will have it for another decade, until it will kill her. Don't bury yourself yet. With the proper cure you can still have life. Praying for your health and happiness 🙏

likehelpful

Agree with previous posters - she deserves to know and if she chooses to come with you then that is her choice. Just let her know she doesnt have to as youll have family support etc

likehelpful

Hi OP, so sorry to hear this. The fact that you reached out here means you need support. We all do. You are brave and asked for it. Allow love and respect to follow you by you being loving and respectful. She may already suspect something. You are in my prayers and sending you good vibes.

likehelpful

I am so sorry to hear his OP. Having said that, please do not keep her in the dark. She will be devastated if you just ghosted her. Her pain of losing you to an illness will be replaced by pain and anger of you just disappearing. One pain will be replaced with other except this would be worse because she will never get answers to why you left. At least she will know why you left and she will be able to move past it. God willing, you will beat it and keep her in the process

likehelpful

First of all, really sorry to hear this.

Second of all, a problem shared is a problem halved. Don’t carry this burden alone and especially do not hide this from your girlfriend. Part of healing comes from not holding things inside which is why healthy relationships are vital in the healing process. She’s been with you 1.5yrs so there’s proof of commitment.

Thirdly, I understand your pain but do you want to mess her mind and heart up too under the premise that you didn’t want to hurt her? Men need to know that when you keep things away from women, they feel not trusted or suspicious and it’s damaging. You don’t want her not to trust men going forward do you?

Arrange to meet with her and tell her that you love her and wanted to breakup and not tell her about the illness because you thought it would be easier on her. The truth is ALWAYS the best medicine but usually the most bitter. You are together for a reason so don’t squander it.

Lastly, I’ve seen many friends do this and keep things quiet and it’s heartbreaking. There is help in places you don’t know of but you have to be vulnerable. You have to open up. A wound concealed grows gangrenous if kept untreated. Do so this to yourself and to her.

And never give up. I believe in miracles and see. Them happen time and time again. God speed and pray this too shall pass

likehelpful

I don’t know the right answer but you are in my prayers, OP ❤️❤️❤️

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Many blessings and good wishes to you OP! I hope everything works out for you❤️

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Thank you all for your kind and wise words. This thread actually took a huge burden of chest about figuring out the right hung to do. Will be having the conversation with her soon. Thanks once again!

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Tell her the truth!!! Best of luck to you!

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I will echo the sentiment of others by saying you should be transparent. It appears that you wish to spare her the pain/struggle of making a choice. You can alleviate that by telling her you have no expectations that she follow you to your home country, that your relationship has given you joy, and that you feel confident that your family, friends, and social services at home will give you plenty of support

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woman for about 1.5yrs now. I have not yet told her about my illness. I am foreign and my home country has great health care affordable health care. And I have family there. I have decided to move back home for my treatment. Given the poor odds, I want to break up with my gf (american) and sever ties with her before I move back home, keep this matter hush with her and save her the difficulty of having to choose between career and life here in US and the very potential misery of my loss. Not sure why but my heart says that I shouldn’t do that. However my mind tells me that is best scenario I can present her with. What am I missing in my considerations. Needless to say, serious answers only please.

You probably have many mutual friends and word will definitely get to her some way or another. (The internet/social media is notorious for that)

Op wishing you strength. I understand you want to spare her pain, discomfort, and potential loss. That’s very noble of you. However, in not telling her, you rob her of the decision. Finding out through someone else, or after you’ve gone, could leave her devastated, without closure, and wondering what could have been.

Having said that, you also need to prepare yourself to a response that you don’t expect. If she chooses to end the relationship that could have a negative impact on you. Make sure you have the support you need for any eventuality.

I am wishing, praying, and rooting for you to get better, to live a life of love and happiness.

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