This is probably a dumb question, but what is the most appropriate way to ask someone where they are from? I am obsessed with accents, and am always so curious to know where the accent is from. In my selfish world, it allows me to find new places to travel and cultures to explore. It even helps me ask the person for suggestions of place to go/eat if they spent considerable time in that country. I truly don't want to come across as racist... I genuinely am curious.

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I wouldn't say that the question is typically racist but it's often rooted in ignorance because people assume if you're not white, or have an accent, etc that you were born somewhere else. Asking where their family is originally from is a good way to go about it.

likefunny

Agree. My experience tells me most of the time it is our mindset. Just going by my name, people ask me are you working from India office? That is very annoying question, all you have to do is just hover on anyone’s profile to see the office location:-)

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If you think you might come across racist....

likesmart

I too am curious. And I don't think that if that person was asked that question once by you and no know else but you ever, it would be a problem, but it is the build-up by the many people who ask them that constantly. It is also the build-up of their friends and family who talk about the people who ask them that and their experiences with it. And they have no way of knowing the asker's intentions, and not all of them are innocent and well-meaning. Also, that has no bearing on accomplishing a work task or work performance. Let it come up in conversation. Ask them something else. Google their first and last name and have your travel fantasy based on those findings. If they really wanted people to know, they would tell them (like in a meeting or introductions) and offer the information freely. Like I know you would and like I know I do.

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The sensitivity to being asked where I am from is usually because it is a follow up question to my response of where I think I am from. I want my answer to be taken at face value, because I identify with the state I was raised in. I do not feel like I am “from” where my parents are born, because I do not feel a connection, I never considered it home, and I would be considered an outsider there. If I was white, no one would ask me where I’m *really* from.

Sounds like many immigrants on this post are not offended, but rather enjoy this question. I think that is great! I also love talking about where I am from, but have no interest in engaging with someone who challenges my response because they can’t see past my skin color and need to know some obscure fact about my ethnicity.

Mentioned this before, but I actually am proud of my ethnicity, and my roots. I hate this question because sometimes sharing this information (when not on my own terms) could be dangerous or uncomfortable because I do not trust / know how the person I’m talking to will react.

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This is a great response, thank you!

Let’s turn the tables on you, OP. How would you feel if someone came up to you, commented on your accent, claimed that they wanted to “learn” about other cultures & get a restaurant recommendation. I feel like you just have no idea about the unconscious bias you exhibit; firstly by seeing people with accents as “different” to yourself, and wanting to satisfy your own insatiable curiosity about other cultures. Why don’t you ditch your current job & become a sociologist or anthropologist. Better still read a book or watch a documentary. Because it’s all about YOU.

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I’m from the South, so other Americans typically ask where I’m from (I have also spent a few years abroad). I loved growing up in the South, and I love that I have a little twang. It’s a great conversation starter. I have actually cooked grits for a co-worker who had never been to the South. I’m aware that a Southern accent is not associated with being intellectual; I believe that if I wanted to, I could take offense to being asked about it. But, we all see what we want to see.

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What's your lineage?

What's your heritage?

Where are your ancestors from?

likefunnyhelpful

"my ancestors are from Pangea, bro"

likesmart

As a person on the receiving end of those questions, please don’t.

Maybe try baiting them with travel question mentioned above, but otherwise let’s not go there.

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Thank you EY 25

I think it’s a sad day when someone can’t ask a co-worker who speaks with an “accent” as compared to the locals (we all speak with an accent compared to someone else) about where they are from and show an interest in that person. It’s exciting to meet folks from different parts of the world. We have been taught for years about the value of diversity with an emphasis on ethnic diversity (although certainly not the only form of diversity). Yet sadly people fear being called a racist in this kind of interaction which recognizes and celebrates diversity (assuming its asked that way). Makes me truly sad

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Glad to hear it. ❤️

I’ve often been questioned when I’m from. I honestly don’t like when people ask me right after we meet/ start talking. Like I don’t ask you where were you born? I don’t care and it’s none of my business. Why are you asking me! If people feel comfortable and want to share that with you. I’ll come up in conversation why force it.

likefunny

People ask me a lot where I’m from, when I live in the same place I was born. As in, “yes, but where are you REALLY from?” It’s a speech impediment, and I have had to explain that to people so many times. So honestly, maybe refrain from asking where they are from. If they truly were born somewhere else, and you are friends with them, it will eventually come up in conversation. Or if you do ask and someone tells you they are from the city you live in, don’t press them to find out where they are REALLY from.

likehelpful

I feel like people are too sensitive about this. I get asked this all the time. I answer “I’m from ____ but my grandparents moved from _____. “ not a big deal. People are just curious.

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I just don’t like when people assume my grandparents moved from another country just because I have a different color skin.

likefunny

I still don’t truly understand why this question offends people other than I’m simply just not educated but it doesn’t bother me personally. I have an easy cop out when I ask because I just say “oh that’s awesome, my family is from Honduras” and it has taken away any potential conflict (for a reason unknown to me). But I’ve understood from my Asian friends that the question carries more weight in their culture so I’ve been respectful of that. Otherwise I just bait someone into telling me by asking them “what’re your favorite places to travel? / have you ever travelled outside the US / Etc.”

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Some people because of their appearance or accent are constantly mistaken as being foreign to the point where it becomes a sensitive topic that others are continuously making those comments about their appearance

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By asking that question, it is subtly implying that they don’t belong here whether that is your intention or not. I would refrain from asking that to someone you don’t know because you never know what micro-aggressions they have experienced that might trigger them (whether they answer you with kindness or not). But similar to a response above, asking where their family or heritage is from is more preferred and asked within the context of the conversation.

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Become friends with the person and eventually it will come up. Just avoid asking. Normal human relationships will eventually cover this in convos.

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“Where is your accent from”

likefunny

I like this one and some people asked me this question too instead of “where are u from”, but I don’t mind either one.

As someone who has an accent and was not born and raised in the US, here’s my two cents. No, it doesn’t offend me if you ask. No, I wouldn’t think of you as a racist if you asked. That said, in a professional setting you’d make me uncomfortable if you asked. The rule of thumb in my opinion should be: “Have I built sufficient good faith connection with this person for me to ask?”. If you haven’t but still go ahead and do it they will perceive it as you saying “You are different and don’t really belong here.” In public accounting a lot is about relationships and making the other party (client, partner, etc.) comfortable. So if you don’t have a good faith connection with me, switching from a professional frame to a comfort frame so quickly will make me uncomfortable.

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Yo where u from

funnylike

I’m an immigrant and personally it’s hard for me to understand why it’s so offensive. If I have an obvious accent and look different and ppl ask about it, I’d think they are paying attention to me and want to understand my background. I only get annoyed if I was asking a question or raising a point and ppl completely ignore the topic and start to ask where I’m from. Tbh I’m usually more annoyed when ppl just assume I have the same background and act so shocked when I don’t know some cultural references. But knowing that it’s considered offensive to just ask ppl where they are from, I usually try to sway conversation topic to childhood memories or travel, and see if that opens them up to talk about where they are from

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I ask people where they grew up but that’s because I’m not from the current city I live in. So I’d ask anyone if they grew up in Houston. I’ve never thought of that to be a sensitive question but happy to learn otherwise.

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Yes- definitely ok to ask. But if they answer “Hawaii” and you respond “ok, but actually where are you from?” - I would feel really offended that you 1. can’t take my answer at face value, and 2. are probing for something personal I haven’t chosen to share.

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I think it can be offensive when (1) if the person already said “i’m from xyz” and then you keep on asking where they are really from. If they want to tell you, they would tell you at the first time and there’s a chance they’re actually born and raised in the US or wherever they said they’re from even though they dont look like it and (2) assuming you know where people are from based on their appearance alone and acting/talking like you know for sure. Otherwise if you ask in a friendly and non pressing manner it should be fine.

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Thank you! Well said. Atleast once us fine

Is "I love your accent, where are you from?" really so tough?

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It’s very common and acceptable

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