Related Posts
I make $400k TC AMA
Additional Posts in Confession
I loathe my mother in law
And go to sleep it’s Monday tomorrow 🥹
Where the married female fish??
New to Fishbowl?
Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
Enthusiast
Who cares what others do. You do what works for you. I for one, LOVED that I changed my name after I got married. It really made us one. We all have different opinions, you don't have to let others impose theirs on you, or yours on others. Simple as that :)
Rising Star
OP, one of the best pieces of advice anyone has ever given me is to dig deep and explore my triggers. Why does it bother you? There is no right or wrong answer, and no judgement either way. Just think long and hard about it. This is an area of growth for you!
It’s all cultural that’s deeply rooted in the society. Nowadays though it’s not must, it’s optional. Why does that bother you?
It’s so weird to me when people hate things that others do that have NO impact at all on them
This is the feminist perspective we need. Choice is choice. If you want the traditional role, go ahead. You’re not less of a feminist woman because you like the way things are.
Chief
I too, dislike other people for making choices that only impact themselves.
Chief
Oh, so you’re one of those ladies that changed your last name and doesn’t like people with different opinions. Carry on.
Community Builder
... just don't change your last name.
That'll be $330 and any expenses incurred
Plus they work the worse hours thank PE, IB and Consulting (at least at the big law firms that pay well)
The way I look at it is that I'd rather have my husband's last name than my father's. At least I chose my husband. Is there another option?
Enthusiast
Right? In queer families I’m seeing folks take on entirely new last names. I don’t hate the idea.
Cool, just keep your dads last name.
Enthusiast
Honestly this!
Pro
Same. I didn’t change my name when I got married.
Coming from South America I always thought the US was less sexist but after hearing that ppl here change their last names after they get married (among other things) I realized that is the same if not worse lol. Why do women do this? It’s so odd… we are not living in the 50s anymore.
Rising Star
It is less sexist, a tradition doesn’t make sexism. I’m Hispanic and all older men in my family may not give women their last name, but they do expect them to cook, clean, etc.
Do you, I for one would never marry someone who wouldn’t take my last name.
Chief
Sounds like you’re not currently married. Probably for the best.
Pro
I didn’t change mine out of laziness. Takes too much effort to change it across the board. Also know quite a few divorced women who said it was so much trouble changing back to their maiden names they kept their exes. I’ll pass but other women can do what they want.
I do agree that I’d probably feel more pressure to change my last name if I was surrounded by people who all assumed it was the norm and followed that. Fortunately I’m in the northeast and I’d say it’s pretty much split amongst my friends so I don’t see it as a huge issue
Pro
Also - cut my abusive father out of my life in my 20s and have gone 100% NC. I don’t associate my last name as “his” - in response to all the other women bringing this up. Seems like a leap for me to want to change my last name because it came from him - but could be because I like the way it sounds
Cool thing about this, is that there’s no legal requirement for you to do it, so you don’t need to worry about it. Even cooler thing, is how you don’t have to worry about the choices other people make, when they have no impact on you or your life!
Pro
All of your names came from someone else who, at one point or another, considered you "theirs." Same for your husband. If you care that much about the sentiment of property, you do have the option to legally change all of your given names.
I understand the not wanting to do it yourself, but why hate on others for practicing their choice? Isn't the entire point of feminism about having the freedom to choose what you do or don't want for yourself? I know someone whose husband took her last name. I know another couple who tried really hard to combine theirs but everything just sounded stupid. I'll hyphenate because I really like both of our last names. It's all normal. And more importantly, it's all accepted. Some people just make different choices.
Pro
I'm 33 and never felt like it had to be a given that I'd take a husband's last name. Just over half of my closest friends kept their names, others either took husband's or hyphenated. I'd venture a guess that today's 24 year olds feel even more empowered than I did at that age. If they're excited about it, why question it?
The career thing might make more sense 20-30 years ago, but even then I remember asking my aunt (as a rudely nosey teenager) why she was a nurse and not a doctor and she flat out had no interest in going through what doctors have to go through. Not because it wasn't an option for her 50 years ago, she just simply didn't want it.
Maybe growing up in the northeast has something to do with my viewpoint. If other regions had that level of oppression still happening towards women in the 90s to affect how young adults would make those decisions, then all of my friends, family and classmates were fully and blissfully unaware of it.
Enthusiast
I don’t care what other people do but it was a giant mistake for me because I had to then change it back after divorce. I didn’t realize how many things would have to be changed. My divorce decree had to be sent everywhere.
I think, in general, I disagree with applying personal values to other peoples decisions. I think the respectful thing is to do your own thing and respect the decisions other people make for themselves.
So basically, I could less what other people do unless it’s directly impacting me. It gets exhausting being triggered by other people’s actions all the time. Sounds like a recipe for misery!
I’m indifferent to whether other people change their name or not, I do hate when other people ask me why I don’t plan to change my name, or convinced they can change my mind about it
As a man, I don't want my wife to take my surname as I don't believe a woman is one day her father's property and the next day her husband's. Equally I am not keen that my children get my surname, whilst we give birth to them, we are merely custodians guiding them through life and they should have their own unique identities.
Pro
Lmao someone else’s name and marriage is what’s stressing you out this much? Damn…it’s definitely a slow day at work today.
Chief
You probably shouldn’t do that then. Godspeed.
I did this and I sort of hate that I wanted to