This may be a controversial topic. How do you guys handle when your SO is not nice to you on many days, doesn't pull her weight in helping out with household stuff but expects to be celebrated on occasions like birthday, anniversary, valentine's day, mother's days with nice dinners, flowers and gifts, etc. So I have been doing these half heartedly because if I don't do them then she gets upset. On the reverse, she doesn't do any thing for me on those special days and I don't make an issue.

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You stop doing it. If she hasn't done anything for your birthday, Tell her, " hey doesn't look like we're celebrating birthdays anymore because how mine went this year, so Are we cool if I skip planning yours as well? ", If there is no fathers day there is no mother's Day as well. It's okay & acceptable to misd a few occasions, but if one person continuously forgets and expects the other to continuously do it for them it's selfish.

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Don't allow things to sink to the lowest common denominator.

Not easy to fix and resolve, but I would look for ways to understand why she has lost motivation and desire and then see if you can support elevating those within her. Will make you both happier if successful.

And if she is just a selfish narcissist who is not self aware in any way shape or form, then split up.

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Re celebrations, I think part of the problem is that you’re not making issue with it. You should tell her you want those things, otherwise she might think you don’t care as much as she does. I have plenty of couple friends where one person loves celebrating their birthday and the other wants it to be super low key.

As for the other things you mention — being nice, splitting household chores — I would worry more about those since those are truly day to day and might not be just a communication thing

I have mentioned to her a few times that what I do for her, I don't see that being returned not even a greeting card. After mentioning a few times, I stopped bring it up but I now just do what is expected of me so that I don't have to deal with an unhappy SO. But I want to do this as I "want" to (whole heartedly because I am happy to do) not because I "have" to and that's what bothers me the most.

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