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I’m Black American and grew up upper middle class. The men I’ve dated have all been around the same income level or higher than me because that’s who I’m exposed to in my social circle and we generally live similar lifestyles. My dad always told me not to date anyone who didn’t have financial sense and to find someone who would be able to provide a comfortable lifestyle for me if I was unable to work for whatever reason. I don’t understand the whole struggle love thing but I also don’t generally run into low-income/unemployed Black men.

likesmarthelpful

This is a major key! I am from a low income working class Caribbean family - we were taught to work hard however growing up in Flatbush Brooklyn, there wasn’t much potential as far as mates. By the time I returned from college, the prospects were even lower. As I got older I realized my crowd had to change to attract better which is sad. That also comes with losing a piece of yourself too because AA middle class men often don’t understand my background and “hood” analogies/jokes many times. In a way technically I am still settling lmao! My point is- environment is a key factor to this narrative! I grew beyond it because I was taken out the environment and exposed to something else in college/grad school but many women don’t.

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African woman here. Financial security is important for the future I want to create for my kids. All the men I’ve dated went to top grad schools and make more than me (doctors, big tech, consulting etc). I simply won’t accept less because I also can’t just bring anyone home to my parents 😂. I also approach life from an abundance not lack mentality and so I never feel like I have to settle. I try not to listen to the narratives and stereotypes to protect my peace and standards

likesmart

Agreed! I’m first gen, and I see this struggle love thing a lot with ADOS women. I know so much of it has to do with upbringing and the examples we were exposed to as children, but it makes me sad for them.

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Look at who was asked in this video though. The woman in the white looked like she was 18.

What I will say is society tells Black women that in order to mate with our AA brethren that we must accept less. We all know the rationale, the school to prison pipeline and crime take our men away early so we are taught to settle. I see somewhat of a changing tide (not settling, dating younger, or outside of AA men…)

likehelpful

I’m a black woman and that definitely doesn’t apply to me. But I do have friends that think like this.

likesmart

Hmm I’m a high income earner on my own so finding another high income earner wasn’t top of my list. But someone good with money was important (reasonable spending habits, limited debt, living within their means).

I like being able to afford my lifestyle on my own.

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Sadly it’s the reality of being black. Black people are just more likely to be poor for many reasons, systemic racism being the main one.

I more so wish the same people we accept struggle love from didn’t go out of their way to paint us as gold diggers. That’s what really gets me!

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This part. BW are seen to be ride or die chicks and gold diggers at the same time 🤯

likesmart

I thinks it’s important that we don’t call being in a someone below your income bracket “settling” if these women are happy who cares. I don’t care if my partner makes less than me because money is not the top priority in my relationships and other values are more important.

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CSM1, can I ask a clarifying question? I agree that maybe income isn’t the whole point. Example, If you make $700K and your husband makes $500K then surely no one is suffering. So it’s not about the take home dollar amount exactly. But do you not believe that it’s a man’s job to provide for his partner in all ways including financially?

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Ladies isn’t there a such thing as good trouble? Can’t we emotionally “rent” without “buying”

JOKES JUST JOKES!!!

Post Photo
funnylike

Yikes! Didn’t realize there were Black women still with this mentality. Seen a lot of us stay single rather than settle. But it also could be their age, early 20s me was still having fun and exploring. When I started dating more seriously, money AND financial literacy were a must.

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Yo be fair they didn’t seem to ask as many nonblack people. But it’s very important for me.

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THIS👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽

I overstand your point

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I think as black women we naturally want to support our men and are ok with supporting if needed. I am mostly exposed to black men that are at my level but I also do keep in mind that black men do experience alot of struggles. Maybe some ladies just are more lax and are ok settling. If I met a black man that was in a struggle that I really liked, I think could compromise to a point. If they had goals and needed support/ a boost, I would consider it but ulitmately, they would need to have their own drive and make efforts. The allowance thing would be too much for me personally.

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I grew up very working class in the American South and made the "struggle love" mistake ONCE. Now I purposefully only date men in stable fields. Not necessarily the highest paying, but strong science and math fields.

I don't need someone who's bringing home a bunch of money, I just need someone who brings home stable money. In my current/longest relationship, my man is in a very stable field and supported me throughout a year long unemployment period in a HCOL. It's a good test of knowing that you and potential future kids will be taken care of.

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