Thoughts? Both me and my spouse want him to stay home with the kids. Childcare has been so unreliable since covid started & we’re at a breaking point with it. I earn plenty for us to be able to have him stay home, but then there’s this overarching fear and anxiety that I can’t shake, even though we’re doing great financially and don’t need his income. I feel like I’ll never feel like it’s enough no matter how much I earn/save and it’s holding us back from making a decision we’d all benefit from.

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Just do it. On the spectrum of life changing decisions that are irreversible this is pretty mild. Have an emergency fund saved up and then do it. Worst case scenario he starts looking for another job.

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I can’t give you advice as to what to do, but when my wife and I agreed that we both wanted her to stop practicing law and be a full time mon, it was really scary. Then the Great Recession really started bearing down. And it was scary.

But we decided we’d take it one year at a time and evaluate things once my bonuses came in. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

My wife has been out of the workforce for a dozen years now and while we struggled, and were scared, we were able to distinguish when we were about to bend or about to break and we came out just fine in the other side and we both agree that this was probably the best decision that we could’ve made for our family.

It’s been wonderful, but it isn’t for everyone. I don’t know if it’s for the two of you, but if your job is secure, don’t let the financial burden drive the decision if you can make it work as you will find if it makes you both happy, the happiness will be worth every penny.

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This is inspiring, thanks for sharing!

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Do you plan on having more kids ? If not , once your child is in school your husband will just be home all day. Is that what you both want ? Not always easy to get back into the workforce afterwards

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We’re not sure if he’d get bored at that point, but summers will be a childcare issue for at least the next 6 years, so it’s like... do we just do what’s best for us for the next 6 years and then figure it out from there. I literally can’t take another daycare closure - they closed the summer program altogether for kids above age 5 after covid started and the younger child program is constantly closing from covid exposures for 1.5 weeks at a time. Every time they close I literally wonder how other parents are surviving this.. I feel like I’m losing my mind with all the stress and instability. We’re glad our employers are understanding, but it doesn’t change how behind we get on our work when it happens or how stressful it is to be holding a toddler on your hip during meetings. I just don’t want to be irrational with the stress and make a long term decision that we might regret, it’s hard to parse out what’s a lasting emotion and what’s short term bouts of covid/childcare stress.

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Does your husband love his current career? If not this could be a great opportunity for him to learn and pívot once the kids are back in school. I feel like most people perceive being out of the workplace and getting back as the limiting factor but it could be a huge opportunity to develop interests and knowledge in things he may not have otherwise had the time to do. Could be something that is even income generating. As for the financial anxiety, have you always felt this way or is this new for you?

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This is very true! I’ve always felt financial anxiety, even though I have no reason to. I’ve worked really hard and gotten us to a pretty solid spot financially, so it’s really the first time we’re making a decision in which we’re sort of removing that as being a primary factor. It’s nerve wracking.

Can he negotiate a leave of absence for the near term?

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Im taking a leave of absence for the next few months for the same reason. But I believe childcare will become more reliable after this year. I’m not ready to walk away from the workforce yet.

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This would be amazing, his employer wouldn’t allow that though, although they are flexible on a day to day basis and last minute doesn’t bother them either.

Can you marry me

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OP - DM me if you want to talk. My husband has been stay at home since 2017 - it is something you both have to mentally get over, but happy to talk you through our decision making process.

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Get a nanny

Sooo why is childcare unreliable? Can you not shift to a different daycare or nanny? I would advise against just quitting the job to stay home with the kids (plus I don’t think that’s a good environment for the kid to mature within)

This is a very strange response lol my husband is awesome and the kids would be on cloud nine to stay home with him. And childcare is unreliable because they have had additional limits on the amount of kids in classrooms due to covid, daycares can’t find employees right now and are all full, plus waitlists are months out where I live for other daycares, and nanny’s are almost impossible to find, so we stay with our current daycare but it has a lot of closures due to covid isolations. Kids get sent home from school because they sneezed and have to isolate for 10 days. And anytime a sibling has a symptom of any kind, the other has had to isolate too. We just got off a 10 day stint of daycare being closed, it reopened today. We get it though and respect it, but it’s hard when you both have demanding jobs.

We thought about having my husband stay home due to cost of childcare for 3 kids under 3. Ultimately my husband was concerned about what he’d do when the kids were in school full time so we got a great nanny and muddled through those years. But I agree with some commenters above, it is relatively easy these days to pivot and find new careers so I’d say go for it.

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