Thoughts on hiring an escort to gain sexual experience? 23/M who has no experience of intimacy with women

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at
Highlighted IconHIGHLIGHTED

OP my heart goes out to you. At 23 to be coping with so much, and there’s clearly effort on your side but you seem so tortured. I loved the post where you showed confidence in your personal style and attractiveness factor. Would encourage you to find more positive things about yourself to celebrate. Maybe try to write down 1-3 positive things about yourself every day and/or what you’re grateful for.

I also love that at 23 you even know what love languages are and you’ve taken the time to discover yours. You are well ahead of the game there.

For quality time, maybe you can help feed that need with more contact with family or friends. If that’s challenging then maybe try group classes in something that you would enjoy? I think the more you try to put yourself in group situations that help to build your confidence and expose you to like minded people you may meet someone naturally

For touch ...I mean this seriously - maybe explore non-sexual things as well. For example go to a nice spa and get a pedicure and a massage.

Finally, maybe consider an emotional opportunity dog? They are called man’s best friend for a reason, and they are super cuddly.

My personal advice to you would be to avoid the escort route ...

likehelpful

I'm filing this thread under "Straight People Problems." I can't imagine having a base level mutual attraction with 50% of the population and still not being able to find anyone. I had to date gay men while black, which is like being a cat who wants to date mice, and if I now have a bf, it should be possible for anyone to find dates.

I find it hard to believe OP is doing *everything* right in order to find a date. I'm doubling down on my first comment of meeting new friends, for multiple reasons. For one, if anyone had suggested to me to get an escort for my first sexual experience, I would cut them out of my life. That is such shit advice when you could swing a dead cat at a busy intersection and hit someone you have a mutual attraction with. And not to mention, escorts are illegal where most fishbowlers are coming from. Good grief.

As the self-proclaimed master of online dating, I can think of a thousand things that matter that OP, and hardly anyone else, surprisingly, hasn't mentioned. Assuming OP is fine in the looks department:

Pictures
- Good, quality pictures only. No bathroom selfies. No *shirtless* bathroom selfies.
- Every pic should show a different side of you, whether it's interests or the way you look/dress
- Ask a friend who's in a loving relationship, not a photo rating service (wtf?! Sounds like such a scam), how the pics look

Text
- You should only have a **brief** bit of text on your profile to describe 1) you and 2) what you're looking for (keep it PG unless you're looking for a hookup)
- You can talk about interests, personality (be careful what you say here), and favorite activities
- Ask a friend to evaluate your text for red flags. Maybe don't ask the friend who recommended an escort for someone in their mid-20s smfh

Chat (ooh this one applies to real life, too!)
- Don't be creepy. Don't message more than twice without hearing back from the other person. Don't suggest meeting until the other person has shown clear interest in you.
- Don't be creepy
- 1st message should include an icebreaker of some type, preferably something that comments on something you liked or found interesting on the other person's profile. If you don't have anything to say about their pics/text, then maybe you shouldn't go for them.
- Don't be a creepy "nice guy"
- Don't be awkward. Maybe have that aforementioned friend (not escort friend) look at your chat logs to see if you made a misstep. Or give them a play by play of a conversation you had and see if they can spot an issue
- Ok, a little bit of awkwardness can be cute and show that you care, but don't like, go on a rant about a politician you hate or ask the person weird sex questions right off the bat

Meeting irl
- Don't be creepy
- Have good hygiene i.e. Shower, wear deodorant, brush your teeth, do your hair, etc.
- Don't "expect anything" or be too forward about getting to kiss or w/e
- Don't stare at anyone for too long. This hella applies to real life as well. I have never been more creeped out than when this one guy kept staring at me from across the room, never looking away. I can imagine it'd be worse for women since a creepy guy can turn into a dangerous guy fairly quickly
- Smile. Be approachable
- Practice smiling before you meet people. Practice smiling for your pics, tbh
- Have conversation starters ready, but be ok with a little bit of silence during a conversation
- Read the room. Is the other person comfortable? Upset? Annoyed? Read it! And if you're not sure you can be like "Sorry, was that annoying?" Honesty is the foundation of a good relationship

Other
- Watch the movie Hitch lmao. It had some good stuff
- Practice, practice, practice. Practice talking to people (even people you're not interested in sexually). Practice making friends. Practice going on dates. And do a lot of self-reflection so that that practice is actually effective
- Uh, don't hire an escort?

likehelpful
Recent IconRecent

No, I wouldn’t recommend doing that.

likefunny

I think therapy would be a better idea than escorts, that way you can actually identify the root. Good luck, OP!

like

"Too respectful of women" what even does that mean

like

This is the last thing I’m going to comment about therapy. There are therapists whose field is specifically sex, relationships, intimacy, etc. They can help you find the root of the lack of them and improve in *those* areas.

like

OP no this is a terrible idea. As an attractive female you’d probably want to date, id like to confirm that I’d much rather you bumble and be inexperienced than gain experience in a way that gives me the heebie geebies

like

👆🏼 smooth 😂

likehelpful

I also signed up for a bunch of these dating sites like match, Cmb, hinge etc. and was literally going on 2-3 dates every weekend. That helped as well.

like

I’m 25 and my current bf is 26 and I am experienced and have been in several relationships before him, and I am his first gf/ kiss / sexual anything / etc and I am head over heels in love with him. He sounds very similar to you OP and it was a matter of wrong place, wrong time. I believe everything happens for a reason, so hang in there, someone will come along when you least expect it. Sometimes it just takes a little longer to find a hidden gem

like

It’s certainly an approach... but I’m not sure it would help you get to where you want in the “real world” to call it something. I was a late bloomer myself and my barriers were being too shy and perhaps too respectful of women - taking every little thing they said or did as an assumption of not being interested. That and of course not being able to read hints that they were interested, when they were. I went to a psychologist, read a bunch of books and eventually figured out the riddle... not saying that’s the right approach for everyone, but just letting you know, there’s a path towards happiness outside of escorts...

like

Per your prior comment, low match rates are pretty normal. That seems a bit extreme, so ask a friend to troubleshoot.

Also, keep it simple - no need to have super extended conversations, or even ask for their number before suggesting a low-risk date.

like

Thanks ZS1 that is insightful. Maybe we should test the idea that I’d want to date you. My burner is phishbowl75@gmail.com. We can talk about Narwhals and manchego cheese.

likesmart

OP, I feel you. I'm a woman, so it's a bit different, but I was a late bloomer and it totally affected me. Having sex wasn't an immediate fix, but being sexual, feeling sexy were key factors leading up to me having sex for the first time (at 22) when I was completely ready and in control of the situation.

First of all, don't feel as though your sexuality is dependent on having a partner. Be nice to yourself, relax yourself, get toys and lube and find interesting ways to get off. Your sexuality is much much more important than only interacting with others

Second, I would consider starting an anonymous insta or Tumblr or something and practice taking sexy pictures and post them. Just get some of that vanity going, get your ego pumped up. Feeling sexy is really important to having the confidence to act

And finally, I definitely know that struggle for intimacy. I know you can find a woman who won't take your money, but who is also willing to kind of guide you through certain things and be patient and non judgemental. I'm an empath, and I know I would do that for someone.

Unlike other folks, I think most sex workers kinda get hired for intimacy anyway, so I definitely think if it's something you need to do, you can go for it. Might be better to find someone off of FetLife or something instead who wants to be your first.

like

@OP, don’t pay to gain experiences, especially if you are new to this. If you are local to PHL, I’d be happy to take you under my wing.

likeuplifting

And even if you don't take me up on this very genuine offer, the spoiler alert is that nobody else is going to save you. You have to save yourself.

People can help and give perspective, but you're going to be the one with the burden. You're going to have to find worth and value in yourself even in the moments when your life doesn't look the way you want it to.

likesmart

I didn’t know that there were people who thought that Narwhals were not real 🤔🤷🏻‍♀️

like

@OP, I would suggest hiring a professional photographer for your dating profiles. I did that and it immensely helped increase the number of matches.

likehelpful

I do volunteer at my local animal shelter a couple hours every Sat and Sun walking dogs and running adoptions. I love that ❤️

I also have lots of hobbies. I’m in NYC seeing 5 broadway shows this weekend. I have a 230 bowling average. I read a lot about history. I also enjoy karaoke. I play guitar. I’m THE credit card / points / personal finance guru of my social network.

I’m sure I could do a better job of finding like-minded people, but I have struggled thus far.

like

Related Posts

I’m looking to move to the Portland area. Would love to connect with a head hunter or recruiter. I have 15 yrs experience in advertising and marketing—agency and in-house. CD level for past 5 years. Im currently making 175k base. Is this a reasonable salary at most shops for a CD or Dir. of Marketing role?

like

What are some key skills that you’d expect an Account Executive to master before progressing to an Account Supervisor role?

like

Hi Everyone,
Was hoping to get a hand or advice. I had submitted an application the
Travelers for a marketing position in early November, resume shows received but nothing else. Is there someone that works there that could direct me to a HR email or contact person? Have had nothing but a positive experience working with Travelers in my last two roles as an agent and then an underwriter would love to have to the opportunity to work directly with Travelers. Any help would be greatly appreciate is!Travelers

like

I have recently got a interview call from PwC for the role of Associate 2, Strategy& deals strategy

Does anyone here know what type of role it is, and what kind of work can i expect, salary expectations etc

YoE: 14 months
CCTC: 7LPA

Any leads would help.

PwC

like

Looking for TAS Healthcare experienced Senior Manager looking to build their own team, have a fair amount of autonomy and plenty of PE/corporate buyer clients/referral sources day one

like

Is McKinsey hiring in their healthcare practice?

like

My friend is looking for a boy frm Banglore, she is currently working there. Age 33. Working as Hr coordinator. Caste no issue. But should be kannadiga.

like

LTI - Larsen & Toubro Infotech is hiring for multiple job profiles.👇
*REFERRAL DRIVE ON 10TH SEPT 2022*
Interested for below jobs opportunity, DM your EMAIL ID with JOBNAME
Grab this opportunity...!!!
#LTI#SCRUMMASTER #DOTNET #JAVA #ANGULAR #REACTJS

Post Photo
like

Hi guys kindly suggest how to apply for product based companies I don't see their job openings in naukri or other portals.

Java developer
6yoe

likefunny

Anyone has any experience about taking a position on a non profit board and complying with firm’s independence requirements?

like

Hi, Is it possible to find a Strategy or Management Consulting job in USA without being there? I did Masters from Europe and currently working in Europe. I am not sure which companies consider applications and offer H1B or other work visa? Moreover, does referral works in this case?

like

Hi! I got an offer for a job with a little lower compensation than what I asked for. I did some research and find out that the same position in the same organization has a record of giving higher compensation. Should I ask for the originally asked compensation?

like

Hi Fishes,
Can you help me to choose below organisations and position.
HDFC Database Manager (IT) 20 fixed + 10% variable
Evolving system sr Oracle DBA 24 LPA
Mindtree 20 fixed + 3 LPA (variable).

My query: it is good to switch in management for HDFC or not.

Total experience 8.3 years

Hi Fishes,
I have cleared interview in
AArete . Need help on what is the salary i should ask in the HR round.
YOE - 12
Role - Manager
Current CTC - 49LPA (Onsite salary)

Capgemini - 32LPA with C2 band
Arete - HR discussion pending (I was really happy with people how they dealt with interview process)
Quest - 33LPA

I am new to this platform, need 11likes to message someone directly.
Thanks in advance.

like

What's the starting salary for an entry level DBA position?

like

How do I avoid giving up my desired salary first? Tired of recruiters asking me what my salary expectations are without offering the salary range for the position first. My salary expectations are based on a multiple factors. In some instances I am willing to take a lower salary, but I don’t want them to know that. What can I say to get them to give me the range first and then I can state if that works for me or not?

likehelpful

Advice needed. I’m leaving an incredibly toxic work environment (admin, students, parents, etc) for my dream job. I already resigned, but my students don’t know yet. I knew if I told them, their behavior would be even worse. How would you explain to the kids you’re leaving? I don’t want my P to know I’ve been hired elsewhere, so I don’t want to tell them I have a new position, but I also don’t want them to think they ran me off (or that I got fired, lol). I’m leaving next week.

like

Hi! Can anyone here help with a referral to Liberty Mutual?

like

Can anyone provide job referral to Informatica. I am an immediate joiner

like

More Posts

Why is the Fed Gvt and National Cabinet delaying the inevitable lockdown? Each passing day will bring more deaths and longer road to recovery.

McKinsey & Company What’s the difference between an associate, consultant and implementation coach at McKinsey & Company ?

like

Whatsup my fellow workout enthusiasts! Are any of you familiar with ketones or ketosis? I see quite a few posts about being on the road and staying in shape...if you are looking for something to boost

like

Thank you for making us feel less alone Walter ♥️

Post Photo
likeupliftinghelpful

Should the airline industry be bailed out? Reports from Bloomberg show that they spent over 90% of cashflow over the past 10 years on stock buybacks and now are stuck holding the bag.

like

I was married for 3 years & she left 1 day bc she realized that she was no longer “happy”. A week later, I caught her in a parking lot w/ her coworker & finalized the divorce. In my mind she was perfect in every way except for the infidelity. After 8 months of therapy and on and off dating, I got into a new relationship but I became commitment phobic & see flaws when I compare my ex to my new gf. 1yr has passed now and I still feel like I’m settling and not mad in love. Wwyd? 2y since divorce.

Any data & analytics companies out there with a focus on experiential measurement?

like

Please give me 12 likes to unlock DM

like

Currently I’m in Level 12 with the pay of 4.5lpa, expecting a promotion to Level 11

What would be my revised CTC?

YOE - 2.10

like

What kind of questions are asked in tech interviews around respect? I’ve done a Google but haven’t found much.

like

My company forces all employees to submit an email every day with an hour by hour summary of what they did. Any other companies other than firms doing something like this?

likesmartfunny

Anyone in the medical industry looking to trade protective and medical equipment? I have access to top manufacturers and specialize in supply shortages.

like

Who wants to do a happy hour soon?

like

For my day job... I'll start doing product shots. I'm old does anyone else remember collecting labels off cans?

like

How is capgemini for Pega. wlb,job security and onsite opportunities

like

I’ve never made “a book” and want to apply for art director roles. Where do I look for inspiring examples?

like

You know you’re a tax accountant if.....

like

Hey fishes

Can anybody tell me how much time it takes for HSBC Bangalore for salary discussion. My last round was positive and was told HR would be in touch for salary discussion and formalities. I've cleared all rounds and last round happened 7 days ago.

like

Hi everyone! I’m switching internally to my company’s LA office (from Boston). I only need to be in the office 1 or 2x per week and am toying around with the idea of living in San Diego and commuting up that one day. It’s likely be a 2.5hr drive or so each way, which seems like a lot. Can anyone speak to whether or not I’d go insane with that setup or if there are ways to make it more tolerable? I just have more family / friends in SD and would prefer to live there if possible :) thank you!!

like

Additional Posts in Depression/Anxiety Talk

Diagnosed depression, anxiety & PTSD. Some days are better than others but lately it’s been more bad days than good days. I’m trying my hardest to stay in the fight. How do you all hold on? It doesn’t help that I live alone and 8 hours away from my immediate family.

like

Health stuff (beyond anxiety and depression) getting me down. Want to take med leave (dr has said yes), but am afraid of internal politics and YE. Need courage to go through with it

like

Cut my yoga session short today because I was feeling extra sad and overwhelmed. That sucks. Oh oh.

like

Recommendation for best marriage counselors in Toronto area !

Starting therapy tomorrow. A little bit nervous tbh. I have not been performing well at work and I am trying to get back to being a solid performer before I get end up getting fired. I was wondering, how do you communicate this sort of thing with your team? My therapist wants to do a 9am call and i’m worried something may pop up during my session. I also don’t want to work and do personal stuff at the same time. I feel like such a mess rn 😔

like

Adult ADHD anyone? Do you take medication? How are you feeling after that?

like

Has anyone taken a leave of absence for mental health/suicide/depression? I’m getting there but I’m also the primary earner in my house.

like

I think I have ED. Not sure how to go about it.

I think I’ll call my doctor for antidepressants tomorrow…

likefunny

I’m really good at the work I do, but really bad at selling myself and always look like I do less than those who talk better even when I put in more hours. It sucks

like

I’m having trouble staying on top of things that I know are important. I just don’t care most of them time and the. Maybe once a month I get all concerned and make a list then I only do a couple things on it until going into the funk again.

like

I need to take a LOA and I’m on “this is a very important opportunity for us” type project. At a smaller firm < 2,000 employees. I’m afraid to ask and I don’t know what to do. Looking for any advice.

Is it normal for my psychiatrist to ask to schedule an appointment to lower the dose of my Ritalin XR prescription?

I’ve been on the same dose the past few months but recently it’s been causing a pretty bad crash for me so I wanted to lower it. Why the hell do I need to pay $60 for 10m of her time to prescribe me a lower dose of the same meds?

I’m wondering if I’m overreacting, or she’s purposefully trying to just get paid more

like

I just have to say that signing up for therapy (and finding my current therapist) was one of the best decisions I made in my life. I’m learning a lot about myself and how to live a happier life. I wish people could learn about these things without therapy. And I wish more people would be able to take advantage of counseling.

like

Shorter days are upon us. Anyone have a special routine to help them overcome the winter blues? Do sun lamps actually work?

like

I've been feeling super depressed lately. Just feel so empty inside. I hate this feeling - how do you all deal with it?

like

I find myself crying in therapy every week. That can’t be normal / ok. I don’t want to cry every week but I do find it helpful to talk through things.

like

How do you make someone love you? I just want to be loved.

like

How do you deal with irrational anxiety whenever your boss is saying “hey let’s schedule 1:1, I’ve got a few things to discuss”? I’ve never had a bad performance rating before, quite the opposite I have received positive feedback. I also know 99% of the time this meeting is harmless and my anxiety has been proven wrong many times. But I’m still always on edge whenever this kind of meeting is scheduled. 😩

Also, yes I do go to therapy and have discussed this issue, but it hasn’t helped

like

Has anyone dealt with parents that never listens to what you actually need? All I need is support and empathy, but they always hand me oranges when I ask (specifically for apples). They think they are doing their best to care for me. But when I explain that I’m not happy at work and all they do is shame me for not being strong or smart enough for it. They ignore me when I keep coming out to them as gay (had to do it multiple times), and still keeping asking me to get a bf. I’m so bottled and mad

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the
Fishbowl app

See what’s happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

A phone with Fishbowl app

Send download link to your phone

OR

Scan your QR code to download
Fishbowl app on your mobile

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Messaging rates may apply

Download app

Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy

Already have an account? Log in

Sign up for free to continue using Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use(New) and Privacy Policy(New)
Messaging rates may apply

Already have an account? Log in

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal