Tips on surviving an 90p% male workplace? The department is small, around 20 people including EA. I just feel I can’t connect with any of the male and wonder if that will affect my review.

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Don't leave. Your presence opens the door and paves the way for women after you

likeupliftinghelpful

It will effect your career. Even if others say it won’t, it will. Connecting with your colleagues and superiors is important and the people that can connect will have an advantage. This is one of the reasons we need more women at the top, otherwise the men have an unfair advantage. It isn’t fair and I would never encourage you to change yourself or do anything that makes you uncomfortable. I honestly don’t know the best way to handle this either except try to find things you have in common.

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Ok continue delivering high quality work as I find building relationships through credible delivery easiest in that scenario. Also in meetings lower your tone and speak slightly slower than you normally would - sounds odd but it actually does change the dynamic. I tend to find it better to build relationships with males through work delivery not personal chat with them.

likehelpful

Yeah. Unless you are super comfortable hanging out with guys, I find that gender is a significant issue until there are >20% women. I’d probably consider leaving.

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My conflict is that I am naturally a very assertive person at work but I can also be very sensitive and self conscious. When I am assertive, I feel the males just get defensive. But at the same time I don’t want to bring my self down just to feed their ego

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I worked with him on my first project, and he was impressed with my work. We later bonded over being STEM majors in the finance industry. It wasn’t much, but he was able to understand the way I approach problems - which in turn made it easier for us to work together.
^^ This isn’t easy to find, and I was incredibly lucky to find him early in my career. Do your research, and you’ll find someone that you can bond with over something, even if it seems insignificant

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I think it‘s a bit of a cop out when you say „I can‘t connect because they are male and I am female“. I am sure you have plenty of things to talk about with your father, brother or boyfriend. Start with those topics you are most passionate about - whatever that may be - and then try more generally accepted ones. For example, everyone loves to talk about their family! I am sure you have younger siblings or nieces and nephews you can share stories about. Or just talk about your own childhood memories. You don‘t even have to talk that much anyway because most people just like listeners!
There are so many topics that can be interesting to all genders:
Vacations, travel, nature, food, the industry you work in, movies/tv shows, celebs, science/new inventions, tech, politics, ...
Yes, it is harder and you need to make an effort to connect but it does work.

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What SC1 said.

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Don’t give in!!!

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Also, don’t let the shitty system dictate what you do and where you go - if you want to stay, then you should stay. You are going to encounter this problem everywhere you go.

likehelpful

Everyone is different, and sometimes saying things in way that is easier for people to hear is worth a shot, even if it isn’t how you would normally say something...if that makes any sense.

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In a similar spot - only woman in my small practice. I found someone in senior management that openly despises the “boys club” mentality, and he took me under his wing to help me stand out. If possible, find someone that will fight for you, either directly above you or closely related.
Not a female boss, but hoping to share that you’re not alone! We can get through this!

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Any advice on using female charm or softness?

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I totally understand. It’s kind of an impossible situation. I always try to stand my ground even though it does often make certain men more Defensive. It doesn’t always help me, but I prefer to stay strong than to give in to the unfair treatment of women in the workplace.

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I would say just keep trying! I have recently had super good conversations with colleagues and clients about radiation counters, our first computer/console games, their new solar panel-electric car-charging-system or how google‘s re-captcha works.🤷🏼‍♀️

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A1 has a good point. You may need to change how your approaching building relationships and your perception of it. How long have you been there?

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You could also try and ask what did they do last weekend? This tells you what was important to that person in their life right now and what you can add to your topic list of ideas

smart

I know what you’re talking about. In my previous company I was the only female in a team of 32. Just bring a little light into the team to get noticed. They all are scared of approaching you as well. I don’t mean to be sexist but use your feminity to your advantage. Conduct team events, go out with them, don’t give in to their male talks, tell them to stop annoying you with their sports talk or whatever in a funny way, etc
I may sound very desperate but in the beginning I used to take cupcakes, cookies just so I can distribute and get a chance to talk to people. I would lie saying some reason for the treat but atleast they sort of started noticing me and liking me. Just try to make them comfortable with you in the team.

smart

I’m a female.. my tip for you is stop seeing your self as them vs you and male vs female... if you don’t see the difference then eventually they won’t see the difference either.... anything could be an issue if you put a label on it... and nothing would be an issue if you don’t put a label on it :) now go break a leg

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First, make sure you keep an eye on the quality of your delivery overall. Do not bring food and treats, but do look for ways to bring your strengths to the team - event planning, etc can be seen as a huge benefit when the men aren’t as skilled in these activities. To develop relationships with members of the team, it’s important to find common ground which will be a seed that you can nurture and grow. This will require you to look outside of your normal conversations to find topics that matter to your teammates. It can be a struggle to do this and be authentic at the same time, but if you legitimately care about connecting, you can find common interests.

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