To all the women who post here about wanting a female boss: I just spent the past eight days partnered with a (staff) male AD who played the “I’m a good guy” character with his co-workers and was...

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First, I am sorry you had this experience because freelancing and needing the income is in itself a very difficult life situation. Second, I will say the worst bosses I’ve ever had have been women. It is very disheartening.

likesmarthelpful

Same. I hate that I have to say it, but that’s been my experience as well. Interestingly enough, the kindest, most empathetic and creative boss I’ve ever had is a male. In fact, he’s so inspirational that I’ve modeled my management style after his. He is definitely boss goals. The female bosses I’ve had the misfortune of working for, on the other hand, have been examples of what not to do, no matter what, under absolutely no circumstances. They’ve left emotional scars that still leave me feeling guarded. Granted, I’ve been lucky to never have worked for a male who sexually harasses women (that I know of, that is), which I feel I need to caveat here.

likesmart

Keep raising your hand.

likehelpful

every person is different so you can't really make a blanket statement that all men are terrible bosses or that all women are terrible either. that said, my current female boss is the best I have ever had. she makes me feel heard. she empowers me. and she does the same thing for my male colleagues.

likeupliftingsmart

Hey, OP: It sounds like it was a no win situation to begin with, but I’m not sure your response to her would have gone over any better if she were a man. The fact of the matter is, we freelancers aren’t part of the team and if we complain about anyone who is a part of the team, we get cut. I made the mistake of doing just what you did early on in my career and it didn’t go well. all that stuff about raising your hand, in my experience, only applies if you’re actually the full-time person.

likehelpful

Absolutely. Freelancers have no say, and will be dropped.

likesmart

Fine w me when we weren’t concepting, but when were were he was dismissive of anything that came out of my mouth, a bully, disrespectful and condescending. He would only work w his own ideas and rewrite all my lines (even though English is not his native language). This dynamic impacted the quality of the work we presented in group reviews so the (female) GCD approached me in private about it. As a freelancer I didn’t know how detailed to get about the way he was treating me so I wrapped it up in “we don’t have creative chemistry and have different ideas about what a concept is. We only work with his ideas because that’s the dynamic that allows us to get things done and on paper.” Then I screwed up and said, “I wouldn’t normally share all this, but you asked...and you’re a woman so I feel a little more comfortable sharing.” She responded by exiting the conversation fairly quickly, and then the next day said tomorrow’s your last day. Before I left, I gave her a stack of new ideas (which I worked on solo) along with many the AD killed while we were teamed up. And that was it. She did say thank you but quickly turned right back to her computer screen. So basically bc of this dick I lost three days of work, plus it was one of those agencies that keeps freelancers a long time...and likely lost even more money than just the three days. Had I kept my mouth shut I might have been able to somehow move groups after this project. Now I know what I always knew anyway. STFU and step away quietly into another group at the first opportunity. This was my first time ever raising my hand. 🤮

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FCB?

That sucks. But thank you for writing about your experience. As a female CD, I would’ve handled it differently than yours did. It goes to show ya, that even though agencies have lots of training, there’s still a lot more work to do

likehelpful

This is the bigger thing. Agencies don’t invest time on building effective communication and teams or even good managers.

likesmart

That totally sucks. As a freelancer I get how crazy frustrating that is, especially the potential for more work. All I can say is, please don’t let this experience screw with your head. At the end of the day you weren’t able to get any good work out. There’s also the possibility that this guy threw you under the bus (it literally happened to me last week) and they’ll always side with a full time employee over a new freelancer. Move on. Learn that you can’t be too blunt with your honesty when you freelance. I’m sorry you had this happen.

likehelpful

Looking at it from another perspective, you were FL and he is staff. You said you have no chemistry. She may have been thinking, I don’t want to waste time with a FL who admits to having no chemistry with my AD. It kind of makes sense to me- I’m not going to keep a FL who point blank says it’s not going well.

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Absolutely get that and it does make sense. But the other details I shared with her about how he’s only able to work with his own ideas/not collaborative (I did NOT mention that he’s abusive because why go there) should have raised suspicion, too. The reason multiple people work on projects is because two brains are better than one. And if one isn’t being heard/utilized properly, that’s a waste of money. It’s worth mentioning that I was recommended to her by a colleague. So it’s not like I was just some bum off the street.

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As a freelancer, you’re hired to weave into a team and quickly execute against the brief on hand. You are a mercenary and you are not part of the team. They brought you in to work with him. And it didn’t work and you were not asked to come back. That’s all. This is not a thinker. Move. On.

In the future, you need to keep in mind that you are the one in control when you freelance. You get to choose if you want to work with this jerk and get paid or if you want to go to the GCD and say, hey, I came here to do my best work but working with this guy is making it impossible to do that; I’m out. If you want to fall on your sword for this specific instance and make sure they know he is a jerk, that’s how you do it. Sure, i know you gotta pay rent and that’s why you might have to choose option 1. But know that those are your choices when you freelance.

The biggest mistake here is expecting someone to defend you because she is a woman. She is a woman that moved up to her level and prob had to fight tooth and nail to get there. You probably came across as a whiner. And while your problem with this guy took up all of your headspace, it is just a tiny blip on her radar. Sounds like you wanted her to save you but you just came across as an additional problem that she needed to deal with. I think you need to hear this and it’s good that you seem open to feedback. We are all learning, all the time. And when you’re a creative lead one day, this experience can help you define what kind of team you want to run and should prevent little jerks like this guys from getting on your team in the first place.

smartlike

OP, fwiw, I feel you and I think it’s absolutely ridiculous that egos are so fragile that we can’t have mature, constructive discussions about issues with team dynamics that lead to solutions. I know we’re all busy and emotionally (and often, literally) don’t have time to deal with more shit than what’s already being thrown at us with client work, but in my experience when someone complains, it’s often a symptom of a bigger underlying issue. I don’t know the specifics of your issue, and there are always two sides to everything, but dismissing a freelancer doesn’t always mean the problem is gone when the freelancer leaves. That said, glad you’re going to change your approach moving forward because you don’t know what or who you’re dealing with. Good luck.

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I am so sorry you had this experience.

I wish I could say I had different experiences than you, but I have not. All we can do is be better when we have the opportunities to. Offer a seat at the table, stop allowing people to talk over each other, don’t put each other down for attention in the room, be a better listener and responder, and keep speaking out.

Stay open, friend. Hopefully not every woman is like this.

likehelpful

Your post is about female bosses but your argument is shallow. You were there eight days. Sounds to me she was looking out for her team which is what a good boss would do.

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So because he (the AD) was only abusive for eight days (and interfered with me doing my job) it doesn’t count because it was only for eight days? I would think as a manager you’re not only looking out for your agency/team, but you are still tapped into some sense of right/wrong? Good to get another perspective though. Thanks. It’s been a week now so I’m able to take the lesson from it: I hope I never become that blind to basic human courtesy no matter how much I love my agency. If a freelancer (yep, we’re still people!) tells me one of my people is getting in the way of the work (and being a super dick (I didn’t use those words obvs)), I hope I’m still connected enough to my sense of humanity that I can respond with emotional intelligence.

likesmart

RAISE YOUR HAND AGAIN

uplifting

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