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You will find a solution, it will take and experience but it would.
I have a supportive husband but I have stayed with my in-laws. My husband is a good son as well and sometimes he gets caught between me and my in-laws. They are good people but they just don’t understand the work pressure in IT world.
Even though we are from a well to do family and can afford maids my mother in law doesn’t believe in one. She believes doing household cores ourselves helps to stay fit. I do agree with her but I don’t have time for it. The number of times discussion on maid turned into she claiming that “this is her house” and no one expects me to do the housework but the reality is there was always the expectation. I with the help of my husband tried our best to manage everything, till a point that it was too much to bear so we left and came onsite even though we were not interested. Now at on-site you have to do everything yourself but you have some freedom to do things your way like what to do when like how many times you clean the house, whether you cook full Indian meal/ breakfast/ snacks or something simple, we have dishwasher so washing utensils is not much effort, we have good dryer so no effort needed to hang clothes after washing, groceries are ordered online unless we go for grocery shopping for fun etc.
We figured we don’t require onsite for this, my husband loves his parents and I respect my in-laws, we want to stay near them but can’t stay with their rules. So we somehow manage to buy another apartment close to them and use as much delegation ( read maid) and automation ( electronic appliances like dishwasher etc.) as possible to make life easy.
So the solution is “delegation” and “automation”
You don’t have to always move out you just have to figure how you can bring “delegation “ and “automation “ in your life.
It will be a difficult part but you will have to start voicing your concerns ( without fighting, to maintain relations….in-laws demands may seem irrational sometimes but do remember their age is a factor, they may be doing through depression reflecting back on what they couldn’t get/ do in their life ). In worse case scenario you can say I want to quit as I can’t handle both job and house. I am sure no one would want you to quit and will try to find solutions with you.
THANK YOU SO MUCH!! I literally needed to hear this, getting married soon and these thoughts are constant, thank you :) :)
I am going through divorce!
Rising Star
I think it's better if husband doesn't get involved in wife vs mother issues.
Because ladies fights get resolved soon but once man get involved, things get complicated and the thread starts.
What are your thoughts?
I also had a tough time during last lockdown but I was so emotionally invested with my marriage and divorce was a difficult option. Hence we both found ways like full time house help so that you dont have to be available when maids are around, rest we divided lot of stuff among us which help can't do like online groceries etc.
For now, it is working.
I am single but my life is a mess due to WFH.
household chores and being in joint family I literally have 3 year olds around me all the time.
I literally attend my meetings from terrace or balcony.
For working women, living with in laws, is really difficult especially with difficult in laws. Planning for onsite can be a solution.
When situation goes out of control..thats my plan too
Plenty of people in our society think they are forward because they allow their bahus to work.
The truth is, they are okay with her having a job but not a career.
Last year, I saw my mother-in-law smiling corner to corner when I told her that I lost my job due to Covid. I got another job in couple of months. But I don't think I'll ever get past that.
Once you stop sharing household expenditure then you'll see how her smile goes away.
You know why this happens beacuse we are honest. Dont let them feel that you are on break or taking rest .. go to bed with laptop . Or pretend working while having coffee. For few days try showing all late calls and early meetings. Just keep earphone on 😅 sometime works
Great to see someone with a work around/ solution! I'll definitely use this!
Being single I'm going through the same phase. In weekdays load of office work and in weekend all the house hold chores are on me. I hardly get some time for myself and I feel restless. I barely remember the movie I had last watched. But yes atleast during weekdays my parents don't expect much from me. Getting married gives me anxiety thinking about how difficult it would be to manage.
Don't let your anxiety take off the sweet and cherishing moments you might experience in future. Healthy boundaries and good communication skills from the people you are surrounded by can take care of few things.
And I am having a kid too.. a lockdown product 😆 My maternity leaves is about to end up soon and working from home thereafter feels like 3 jobs at a same time - home, ofc, kid.
Btw How much salary a full time maid generally takes? I am also planning to have one.
<Same Single living with parents>
Whatever it cost (3k-8k) have one please... After all you're earning and you need a maid at this time maybe not in future but managing a newborn and work would be difficult without a maid.
You should live away from people who can't empathize with you..
https://drvidya.symbiosis.ac.in/2021/09/06/womenduringworkfromhome/
Have maid and cooks for doing house chores, problem solves ... Make some automations it will easy on you, I know women wants equality with men, but when asked to be equal then they can't and such reasons come ... I am assuming you both earning equal and maybe that's why you raised this concern
I don't have in laws with me but 3 yrs old daughter with me. Still I am fed up because I have to take all the responsibilities of my daughter and house hold chores and yes I have to do office work as well. I don't know how I am going to manage further if WFH continues. Just believing in that good days will come. And these bad days will pass soon. My husband doesn't take any responsibility of daughter or household chores. If I tell him to do. He will fight with me. Life has become a mess for me right now.
Once daycare will be open. Life will be more easy for working women especially for those who don't have in laws with them
After reading through this post, i feel like my problems are not problems at all. I only have to handle one trouble my husband.After nearly 2 years of marriage he too started understanding me slowly.
1,©%%[€× q Www. O sq,s mm aux h QA qq~
Every woman stories is like yours. Just start thinking about yourself and try to put your point as well.And yes hire maid and make your life easier. Running away from the solution is not the point but putting your point and sticking on your decision is the correct way to handle .More you make others dependent on you finally they will leave everything on you. So just chill and start dividing your work. It will take time but atlast you will see others helping you as well .Just donot try to be Serial bahu...won't help .. You are working woman and earning for your family and for their welfare..
Why you need their permission..You are independent dear and earning and contributing to your household.If they will asked you to jump in.pond so that you will be a perfect bahu what you will do...you will save urself first right or to.prove that you are really a good bahu ,you will follow the same. Having domestic help will help everyone in your house.See,we cannot change our inlaws as they are elder but at the same time we can put our point and your husband should support you dear..If not ,then you don't listen to him and try to put your point. Else ,ur stress level or you may go in depression. Standing for your own right will not harm you.God help those who.help themselves. Donot feel log Kiya kahenge..Only remember donot disrespect ur In laws and try to put your point in front of whole family..Still they donot agree,then even you donot bother and go to ur moms place for someday till your husband understand your point dear.More you will listen to them more they will torture you.I have.faced the same situation of having different ideology and finally I am the suffer. But ,now I started keeping my point if they donot agree,I am least bother. I donot revert them back,just listen to them and followed my will.Ideology was different because I belong to very educated and modern family and they were just opposite.It took me a way long to understand the fact that if you tell.any mad people you are mad ,he will not accept and instead they will laugh at you..So same applies where we have different ideology.
We all are going through the same. Men are supposed to have rest but for us we our professional breaks are for doing household chores. All laundry kitchen cleaning and fading work life lines😑
Merit increase hike that was going to happen in December this year got changed to October, is it ??
Pro
What?
I am married for 7 years and have a 4 years old daughter and my mom lives with us. My mom doesn't keep well and so rests most of the time. It is very difficult to manage between being a mom and being IT professional. I have hired a maid for cooking and cleaning as my current job is very stressful and I work almost 14-15 hours a day. It's a small organization and have no perks or benefits and due to this there are not much employees but workload is too much. Because of same reasons many of employees left the company too. Sometimes I also thought to leave the organization but I have so many liabilities on me. Is there anyone who help me with a referral at some good organization?
Please help me.
Thanks!
Rising Star
Hey @con1 can you refer me to ZS?
Going through the same ow can say worsen.. I am alive that's all... I d k if I M gonna make it in future as well... But I really need to get separate... I feel like I don't want to be with them.. But not getting that Confidence yet...
Pro
It takes courage to compromise and adjust but it takes more courage to stand for yourself and work for your peace. Working on marriage is difficult but seeking divorce is more difficult. Been through it.
It leaves you exhausted.. emotionally, mentally, physically and financially!
Divide responsibilities with your partner. If you have kids teach them to be more independent.
Draw a line when it comes to your your calls and meetings. I know its easier said than done.. but it's important to start somewhere.. I have been married 4 months now and this has worked for me..
Pro
Some men are not cooperative at all. They treat women as a shoe they wear in their foot.
Juggling housework, cooking , cleaning and managing housework
I find time to practise singing , driving , gardening too
What are you working as and how many hours per day do you work?