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Sure enough, had nightmares of puppy-monkey-baby.
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I know that was a hard call to make, OP. Kudos to you for doing what you could to help. I hope your friend finds the strength & courage to leave.
Enthusiast
Yes, we're very much taking a gentle approach and just being very open with her. Letting her know she is loved. Asking if she thinks her bf really loves her. If she feels loved. Just talking to her a lot and showing her love back. Hopefully that allows her to realize we are a safe place she can run to. The case worker said it will take time.
I think you did the right thing P. Women in DV are like toads dying in heating water. They don’t recognize how bad it is - or that it is escapable - and often need intervention. Also a first call to CPS rarely means the kid will be tossed into a foster home for good. There is a process, and the courts do what they can to keep families together. If she wasn’t abusing her kid she will get to stay with him. Your call might also have been a necessary wake-up call for the family. The Maid on Netflix is an interesting look into a woman and child who got into - and out of a DV situation
Enthusiast
For a little more info, I haven't seen this friend in months. One day we bumped into each other and she told me about their situation. Tell me how I can't not call CPS on a family who's 10 month old can't make a fist or roll around. And the fucking scars on her body? Jesus fucking christ. The system is not perfect. I get that but I am working with a case worker to get the baby in a good foster home. Possibly even with me. And get mom away and safe. Then give her the tools she needs to get the baby back. I know it was a shitty to do but I'm working on it.
You did the right thing
Dang. I have so much empathy for this situation. My friend’s husband abuses her but for now not the kids. She won’t leave, and it’s so hard. It’s maddening, but I really try to stay on her team so she doesn’t feel fully isolated. (CPS has been involved multiple times but hasn’t found evidence the kids are abused, just her.)
I just wanted to make sure. It’s really hard to be a friend in this situation. In my case I just want to scream at my friend sometimes because it seems so selfish and horrible. But I also really want to be there for her to have someone to turn to if she decides to leave, so I try not to let her see the angry side. I’m glad you’re there for your friend and hope she’ll choose to leave him soon.
Community Builder
OP I wish you luck. Often domestic violence is a choice for both perp and victim. Until such time as your friend chooses to be a survivor instead of a victim, there is not a lot you can do. I’ve had clients repeated go back to their abuser until they destroyed themselves.
Chances are she’s going to lose the kids too… and now the kids are in the system
She should lose them.
The Gabriel Fernandez documentary 🥺🥺🥺🥺