Told my pregnant sister yesterday for the first time that I don’t want kids (fear of having a special needs child + thinking of the world I would be bringing them into) and her first response was “not everyone wants to nurture and take care of others” and went on about how she has always been someone who takes care of others. It’s so upsetting that this is the kind of judgement women place on others when they say they don’t want children. Child free women how do you manage?

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at
Highlighted IconHIGHLIGHTED

I hear you. But... she’s probably full of hormones + anxious about her delivery, hoping she’s a good mom, etc. Just don’t let such stuff bother you. Honestly do whatever you want. I don’t have kids, I wanted them a few years ago but then I discovered independence and also an unstable marriage. I love my freedom and probably won’t have kids ever. And I am fine with what everyone thinks about me. I’m Indian so I’m judged even more. But, all cool. I literally do not care

likesmarthelpful

Ordinarily I’d agree with you 100%, but consider the fact that you voiced over some pretty real fears to someone pregnant.

IMO it’s pretty rude and insensitive of you to bring up these types of fears to someone pregnant. It could have seemed like you were judging her for “bringing a child into this messed up world” and I can see how it may have been triggering to her.

likesmart

You could have simply told her: that’s not true, i do want to nurture, but right now im worried for other reasons personal. There was absolutely no need to bring in the fact that the kid might have a disability or experience horrible things in this messed up world. Sure you have your right of speech or whatever but this is your family, and it seems like you guys still care for each other. This experience really isn’t about you, its about your sister. When your comes, she should he there for you 100% but for now it’s not your turn.

Recent IconRecent

You might get some additional helpful answers if you post in the Childfree Bowl! https://joinfishbowl.com/bowl_oapwjf7vfd

like

OP - I always thought I couldn’t have kids and when I met my husband I went great lengths to make sure we have a kid. I am pregnant now however I have anxiety ( a lot) on how my kid will be , will she or he be okay, worried during every ultrasound and so freaked out about pregnancy. Don’t take it to heart , it’s your choice and your reason

like

This goes both ways really. People judge if u have too many kids and people judge if you don’t or not enough kids. Like it or not many people out there that will and u can’t control them. Right or wrong... it’s the world we live in. So put on you super hero cap and brush them off. Who cares what they think. Don’t let it get to u.

like

I dunno man, I am A-okay with the idea of not having kids anymore and it doesn’t have anything to do with me not being caring. People say hurtful things sometimes - don’t take it personally.

She is way too comfortable disrespecting you. She knew the comment she was making was a dig at you but she still chose to be passive aggressive and unfortunately sometimes the biggest offenders are your family. I think you need to begin setting boundaries with her and letting her know how her comments impact you. You were confiding in her a feeling that took courage to recognize and in response she shit on you verbally. That is not okay and she needs to understand that.

Do you want to nurture and care for others? In what capacity? I'm sure her words stung to hear it articulated in that way but unless you are in a caregiver position or have an interest, I don't see anything untrue about her statement. It doesn't make you selfish or uncaring as a person, just describes what you want to do (or more accurately not do) in your life.

How do I manage? By not giving AF! Who cares what anyone else thinks. Your choice to not have kids is yours alone.

I have never wanted kids and won't adjust how I feel to appease to anyone else. It is what it is

Related Posts

Any child-free folks want to get together for a drink Wednesday evening?

like

Hi. My baby seems to have an infection in her paw. Any home remedies until i get her to the vet tomorrow? She has been experiencing joint issues so I put grip socks on her to help ease while walking. I’ve been sick this week and haven’t changed her socks daily like i normally do😔😔😭😭 and i notice it’s super swollen and red. Help help i feel so bad

like

Anyone had experience promotion during/after pregnancy? I’m working in a team I love and planning to get pregnant. But last week, my boss quit which throws me to an awkward position. If my boss didn’t quit, I have high chance to get promoted at the end of year. But now, everything is uncertain. If I don’t get promoted this year, I prob won’t next year bc I will take a lot of maternity leave. Need some advice here.

like

Are there any government teachers who are dealing with student/parent complaints about what you are saying about the election? I've always encouraged open discussion but if they don't agree with something I've said they go right home and tattle. I've been teaching twenty years and this is the WORST ELECTION EVER!

like

Is a post-PhD gap year to travel and be reminded of what life is like a bad idea?

like

Married LGBTQ fishies - in light of todays Supreme Court case and the rumblings from Justice Thomas re: looking at the legal basis for federally recognized gay marriage - are folks doing anything to prepare for any nullification of marriages? My wife will need to adopt our daughter legally, which we had planned to do eventually but now there’s some urgency - but I’m curious if anyone else is considering this, and if so, what’s the plan?

likesmartfunny

Age 44 and starting to notice a line down my left forehead from sleeping on the same side. Also have sun spots from growing up in the southern hemisphere with little use of sunscreen as a kid but all summer swimming.
Any advice on devices like this or My Skin Buddy?

Post Photo
like

Not in creative but my previous agency had a fantastic maternity policy.

like

Looking to move to San Antonio and we're looking at places in Alta Vista and El Dorado. Pros and cons? We have two kids under five, so looking for a nice family community with good schools.

like

Is it a red flag as a candidate to ask if a company offers maternity leave? I was recently laid off, so I wasn't expecting to lose my job. We're planning on trying for a baby in the next year or so, so it's really important to me that my next job offers paid maternity leave.

The issue is that it's so rarely advertised on company web sites, but ultimately better maternity leave would sway my decision for a job. Is there a way to ask this tactfully? Or without raising red flags?

I’m consciously trying to unlearn the habit of saying “congratulations” when someone says they’re having a baby. It’s not an accomplishment!😂 Plus, I want to counter the assumption that having children is always “good.” It’s hard to find other things to say, though!

likeuplifting

What life experiences should I ensure I have before I start in consulting in a couple months? Travel the world? Backpack under the stars? See family a lot? What do you wish you would’ve done before starting?

like

Hello 👋🏾I'm a matchmaker and I have a few clients I'm trying to match:
- 49M, real estate developer, divorced - 1 child, LA (fitness is high on his list). - 37F, marketing manager, LA
Please note that everyone I work with is a Black Professional who is over 28, educated with at least a Bachelors degree, and earns over $75k. Feel free to DM me on IG @tenneshawood

like

My friend and his wife just had a baby and I’d like to send them a gift—something that is curated and unique like a gift set that may include clothes, toys, and/or books. Any recommendations for curated gift sets for babies?

like

A woman ad in the dept is on the chopping block. She has a 1 year old kid so maybe a bit distracted. She Is good at ideating but delivers one good idea and is easily overwhelmed. She is always saying no to taking on more more and it’s getting noticed. How do I warn her, help her, keep another woman from leaving without giving away insider information.

like

Is San Antonio a good place to raise a family? Why or why not? We're thinking of making the move to be near family and have heard mixed reviews although generally positive.

For those who already have a baby - I (36f) just had a baby 6 weeks ago, and my wife (33F) is now back at work (WFH) and I’m still on leave. Since I have the baby all day and get up with her all night, my wife basically “takes over” baby duty when she stops working. The problem is that within an HOUR she has lost all patience with the baby. She gets frustrated so quickly if the baby is crying and will say things like “I’m just going to let her cry since nothing im doing helps” (cont)

like

Any tips on working from home with a baby? Having a really hard time juggling everything, I've been in a bad mood everyday. Missing daycare!!

like

Hello fellow HR pros! I really need your opinions on HR certifications. I am deciding between PHR and SHRM-cp. I have read just about all there is online comparing the two and can not decide. My heart is telling me PHR, my mother in law (an HRBP) is telling me to go with SHRM, as it’s more widely recognized, more established and a larger network in general. I work for a 350~ company who is growing rapidly through M&A. Passions/interests are compliance, strategic vision, M&A, branding and culture

like

I had a miscarriage on Tuesday, my first. I didn’t even know I was pregnant. The Dr. was just as baffled by the timing, but here I am. My head is trying to be practical, but my hormones are raging. I feel like a stranger in my own body. How do women do this and work at the same time? I’m a freelancer, I’m so busy at work, I don’t feel comfortable talking to my coworkers about this. I’m trying to just get through the week but am really struggling.

like

More Posts

There's a lady at work who's probably very smart and good at her job but i feel like she's so dumb sometimes because she always has ideas about how we can reduce our workload by moving it to another team offshore which is obviously great for the company because they have to pay less money for that work but it could mean that our jobs become redundant eventually. Our company has had these sort of transformations in the past and i just don't understand how she doesn't see this

like

Please feel free to distribute among colleagues

Post Photo

My work office is in philly but i wfh in delaware. Why im i paying for both state taxes as well as philly tax. Is that right or do i need to make some adjustments. Im at PwC currently.

likesmart

Any Scrum Masters who transitioned from software engineering? Do u recommend it? What steps were taken for this transition?

Any tips for getting into internal audit analytics (automation/CAATs/ACL) and risk modeling? Working as IA consultant right now but have passion for analytics.

like
like

Moving to Chicago from Boston at the end of the month! Signed a lease in River North at WPE. Any tips for getting acclimated, dos and don’ts? This is my first move and although I’m excited, I’m a little nervous to be in a brand new city. For context 29 F.

like

Can someone help me understand the pros and cons of MBB vs PE Ops (at A MF, think BS, KKR etc)? I'm looking into in terms of WLB, culture, personal growth, hierarchical-ness, comp, calibre (and attitude) of colleagues, respect (vs deals colleagues) etc.

like

Hello everyone!

I got an offer from TCS and they gave me work location at Noida Unitron - NSTP, but after long hours of search and talking with other people no one barely knows about this branch. @TCS

Can anyone know which branch they are referring as Unitron?

like

I am a new joiner ( 3 months ).The project in which I work it's insurance project complex one with lots functional things specific to the application and insurance domain.

I want to communicate my issues to my manager in standup call without sounding like I am complaining about someone or being rud
Do you guys gone through same issue , pls share your experience how you dealt.
Pls help don't know what to do 🙏😔

Post Photo

Is it bad that every few days I just fall apart? (Don’t worry i do this in private - clients think I have my shit together.)

like

Anyone have ideas for a 10th grade honors vocabulary test? How do I make it challenging so they can’t cheat? It’s an epidemic at my school.

like

Experts - Best redemption option for Amex reward points (the ones that come with standard green Corp Amex card)??? I use them on Amazon but checking to see what other options are better...

like

Do we have NPS component in the salary if not can we ask get it deducted monthly from our salary ?

like

How did the hipster burn his mouth? He ate his pizza before it was cool

funny

What makes the most sense if you are trying to become a data scientist? Working at Accenture as a digital analyst or going to a startup and take an offer an junior data scientist? Can’t decide!

likehelpful

Interviewed recently with @VillageMD. Anyone have any insight about the remote Medical assistant positions? Preferably someone who does or did work in that type of position with this company. How was the workload? How much time is usually spent on the phone answering calls?

like

How many days/month/weeks does it take PWC AC to generate offer letter once they have collected all the documents? Would be very helpful information.

A lot of people complain about millennials but a Gen Z clerk just told me that she wasn’t going to download some documents from a deal site because they were so many (and she had to download one document at a time) and I should review them directly on the site.

Bro, what?

like

Anybody know of an industry sports league for co-ed basketball & softball?

Additional Posts in Women In Consulting

Did any of you ladies start having trouble sleeping till late once you turned 25-26? I used to be able to sleep till 9 am easily right until last year and now suddenly my body is up at 6:30 am and I can’t fall asleep. I’m frustrated because I want to sleep atleast till 7:30am. But can’t fall asleep once I’m up. I’m also tired when I wake up so it’s not like I had enough sleep. I cannot live like this for the rest of my life. What is wrong with me? 😭😭 Any suggestions appreciated!

like

How to handle living in a “noisy”/old apartment? I can hear my upstairs neighbors walking and talking at all hours. Even w/fan on high and headphones in at 75%, can still hear them. It’s almost 2am 😭

like

Has anyone gone through breast cancer diagnosis and can share their experience with managing through it?

likehelpfuluplifting

I did what I thought was an informal info chat with a team about an opening. The team lead( Sr. Dir) called my VP who ended up calling me wondering what was happening. Why would the team lead do that? Is there benefit in asking him? Or is this a sign of his working style and what I consider low EQ.

like

Any self help books for women who don’t have good relationships (and possibly are depressed and jaded)? Maybe something for courage to lead a life without depending on others

like

Lead for project asked me how much have I worked with coworker on certain training, and I said only a little. Lead then said that coworker claims no one has helped him and lead said he is afraid(cont)

like

Does anyone use numbing cream before a Brazilian? Is it unsafe to use to in any way other than not being able to feel the temperature of the wax?

like

Has anyone gone to see a nutritionist? What was your experience like? Worth it?

like

Just finished Indian Matchmaking. Has anyone else watched it? What are your thoughts?

like

I want to upgrade my rolling luggage - recommendations?

like

Anyone willing to post their home office? I’m looking to revamp mine

like

Asian women help? I realized my lovely parents have been emotionally abusing me because I’m single. I’ve dated a few people despite not liking them but eventually those people treated me poorly and I almost had anxiety attacks when I turned 33 this year. Parents are great but this is one area which I think they’ve overstepped. I told them recently that in addition to the bad men I date, they are giving me pain and I can’t take it. They said I’m being selfish and speaking therapist lingo. Feel 😭

like

Anyone pick up running after being very unfit?

like

For those who have successfully gotten fit/tone/lost weight…what were the top factors that really make it happen? For me, the times I lost weight were during extreme stress when I’d lost my appetite, or when I first got on Wellbutrin and lost 10 pounds. I am coming off Wellbutrin soon and looking for ways to prevent the weight gain. Thanks for your help!!! 🙏🏻🥺🥺

like

At Accenture changing from internal analyst role to a senior analyst in digital & client facing.I am always worried about being a female and salary. What should I negotiate and expect for pay?

like

Anyone ever felt GOOD leaving a good team? Seeking ideas/advice for sendoff support. Great employee is leaving my team for a new opportunity… Bummer for us but happy for her, don’t want to be blah about it. (That said we were not super close!)

like

Any hijabi consultants in the group? If yes, when did you start wearing hijab to work?

like

Anyone get revenge on their ex? I want to hear your stories!!!

likefunny

Question! I’m attending a fall wedding in England in a couple weeks so it will be a bit chilly - is it appropriate to wear a whitish/cream wool coat over my (red) dress? Not sure if the no-white rule applies to outerwear as well

like

Sorry to rant but I got my makeup done by Sephora in store (they have a service that does that), and it was awful!! The lady who did it did a terrible job. What's worse is we were planning to have pictures taken and then had an event. And now when I look I pics, the photographer did super well, but I feel so sad looking at the pics 😞

likefunny

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the
Fishbowl app

See what’s happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

A phone with Fishbowl app

Send download link to your phone

OR

Scan your QR code to download
Fishbowl app on your mobile

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Messaging rates may apply

Download app

Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy

Already have an account? Log in

Sign up for free to continue using Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use(New) and Privacy Policy(New)
Messaging rates may apply

Already have an account? Log in

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal