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Definitely inappropriate, but for the sake of your car ride back, perhaps don’t mention anything about it until you get home. From there, if you want to be direct you can tell her that her behavior made you uncomfortable or you could just put distance between yourselves and let the friendship fizzle
Enthusiast
Wow. I'd probably cut her off as a friend, emotional roller coaster ride but I have done sympathy bc she's probably embarrassed of her actions
A friend and I did this when i was in college. A couple of times. A friend stopped me, and when she did I realized what I was doing and how wrong it was. At first though it seems fine because men harass women like this all the time and it’s annoying. So, you think, hey im touched like this so me touching people like this should be okay and not a big deal. I would refrain from cutting ties with someone for this, especially when you haven’t had a talk with them about it sober. You have no idea what they’ve been through and what may make them think this is okay. If they still don’t understand why it’s not okay, then fine cut them off. This is just my opinion though, do whatever you like and feel comfortable with.
This feels like she might have been frustrated with something that happened at work and being drunk she took it out on the nearest people. Not trying to excuse the behavior but trying to understand the trigger.
Sorry OP! This is a rough one. She doesn’t sound like a good friend. I’d personally have a sober talk with her about this behavior, hope that it changes her mindset and stop being friends with her.
A1 what would you see it as? Getting intoxicated is no excuse for bad behavior. I’ve been drunk a couple of times and all I did was get hungry and dance like an idiot. I never once felt it was ok to touch people inappropriately
She told me I was a hypocrite because I get uncomfortable and give guys at the gym who stare a “fck off” face. I told her she’s generalizing and the men she’s grabbing didn’t do anything to her and just because she had bad experiences doesn’t mean it’s ok to sexually harass men.
It’s a road trip and I have to drive back with her. Having friends as an adult is hard. She was great otherwise but now I’m questioning her behavior and just think I’m going to be a hermit
SA1, really? Put yourself in her shoes, would you really kick someone out of a ride home just like that?
People on this app are so callous sometimes, and 80% of advice should be taken with not a grain, but a handful of salt
Enthusiast
Well, she showed you who she is. So are you going to believe her or are you going to stick around to see what her next drunken episode brings?
In my opinion there’s no conversation to be had. She sexually harassed several men in a bar, that’s unacceptable. Keep the peace for the car ride home and then drop her!
I’m hoping that her sober self will be logical and we can have an actual conversation. Otherwise, we have very different value systems if she can’t see what she did was wrong.
I’ve done stupid things before in my youth. And I’ve had my ego and defensiveness triggered when I’m intoxicated….but when I’m wrong and made a mistake, I can admit that I’m wrong and apologize, and hope that people will still be my friend despite it. She’s been a great friend otherwise and I don’t want to discount that
Update; we talked about it. She apologized and acknowledged it was inappropriate and that she wouldn’t be doing it anymore
I think I need space from her. I keep thinking about the hurtful things she said to me and I don’t know if I can get over it, even though she apologized
Hopefully when y’all have a sober conversation, she can own what she did and take responsibility/show remorse at the slightest, with the promise not to behave that way again. I also hope that you can give her a second chance.
I’ve done stupid things in the past, some knowingly, some unknowingly, some while drunk, some while sober. But any time my friends called me out, I knew it was coming from a good place because these are people I know, love and respect. Very grateful they allowed me the opportunity to change for the better
I’m hoping this is the case as well.
I have some friends like this. Super immature and inappropriate when they're drunk it's ridiculous and embarrassing. Now, I do my best to avoid drinking with them and keep my guard up in sober settings
It's disappointing, especially when you see certain sides of people you never thought you'd see. And if drunken, it's typically from something so deeply rooted. None of us are perfect but be keen on how she reacts to this in the next couple weeks, as that is more telling in my eyes
Rising Star
Let’s get an update OP!
Don’t excuse her behavior but hopefully it was just a slip up.
I don't have anything to add, but I think you're a very mature and wonderful person!
Yes how did the car ride go?!
Rising Star
You told her when she was still drunk? Might not be a great indicator/great timing
If she’s crying she knows how shitty she was.
Sounds like a reality show. Is she getting paid up front or did she negotiate for "back end"?
Does she usually behave like this when intoxicated? Honestly the fact that she said “now they know how it feels” makes me suspect she’s been through something and it came out that night under influence. Not saying that her behavior was justified but it would raise some questions on my end as to what that was all about and for her to understand it wasn’t right. For me personally though I think true friendship do allow for a single pass with a discussion. I know in my experience when I was young I’ve drank after a dry few months and didn’t understand that you can’t drink the same amount you used to because you don’t have that tolerance anymore and therefore ended up very intoxicated to the point where I said some bad things that I didn’t have the courage to say when sober.All I’m saying is express your feelings, try to be understanding, maybe advise professional help if needed but also stand your ground to let them know you won’t be there if it happens again.
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