{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Trying to figure out holidays with extended family. My husband and I have young kids on the east coast. His sister and her husband live on the opposite coast. We have lived in the same city as my in-laws for the last 10 years, so it always made sense for my sister-in-law to fly back here to visit. Now in-laws are in Chicago.\n\nDoes it make sense to ask everyone to come to us for holidays given that we have young kids and limited vacation time? Is that fair?", "post_id": "62818dacf16c37002a392b68", "reply_count": 10, "vote_count": 2, "bowl_id": "58f81646ae9f610010f869be", "bowl_name": "Consulting Moms", "feed_type": "bowl" }
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Trying to figure out holidays with extended family. My husband and I have young kids on the east coast. His sister and her husband live on the opposite coast. We have lived in the same city as my in-laws for the last 10 years, so it always made sense for my sister-in-law to fly back here to visit. Now in-laws are in Chicago.

Does it make sense to ask everyone to come to us for holidays given that we have young kids and limited vacation time? Is that fair?

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These situations are always tough. We have lived away from family for the last 5 years. We have tried to be flexible but often found others were not as willing to be. In 2020 when we opted not to fly home for the holidays due to Covid we found we loved having the holiday season to ourselves. We opted to do it again in 2021 actually and had some family come visit between Christmas and NY. It was a nice change of pace for us and we were able to slow down and enjoy the time with each other.

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I don’t think it’s fair for the childless couple to always have to make the investment to travel. Part of it is seeing them, their home, their life, etc. I don’t think it’s fair to always ask them to make the effort. That being said, it’s also reasonable to acknowledge that your effort and cost is substantially more, so 50/50 isn’t fair either. I think it’s just one of those conversations you have to have and see how everyone’s feeling. An initial thought is every other year at your place, and the alt years switch between the parents (chi) and west coast or a vacation you all agree on. For example: 2022 your place, 2023 west coast, 2024 your place, 2025 Chicago, 2026 your place….etc. That way you still make an effort to see them, but it’s not every other year. I’d really just talk it out with them and see how they feel, but my opinion is it’s unfair to expect them to always make the effort. Good luck!!

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SIL doesn’t have kids? If so yes you get to pick. It is not selfish.

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Yeah, not necessarily Hawaii - we just like traveling! Maybe will tell extended family we are going to be in X place and they can join

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I also think it’s fair to say that you as a family are staying because it’s too much hassle to travel with kids and presents and illness, etc. That anyone is welcome to come to you, but you’ll stay home for Christmas. We decided that this year after a horrible experience traveling to see family last year. It’s just so nice having Christmas at home, and we can travel at other times.

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As selfish as it sounds, we COULD go visit my SIL for holidays, but if we are bringing our young family on a 6 hour flight we would prefer to be going on a real vacation/traveling somewhere…

Can you suggest a place where you all travel? Somewhere with something for everyone?

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