Unpopular opinion in my friend group but I hate the ‘are we dating the same guy’ Facebook pages soo much. Why are ppl soo into bringing other people down? If they did something dangerous or inappropriate then I understand sharing but 90% are either about a guy ghosting someone they barely knew or asking if any 🍵 or 🚩about someone they don’t know yet - if you look for red flags you will find red flags.

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So, I haven’t actually been in one of these groups personally, but I was at an event recently where this was a topic of conversation. One of the women was saying that the last *four* guys she’s dated were either married or in a relationship, which she found out through one of those groups (and confirmed with the guys in question). Finding out early saved her a lot of heartache and drama.

In general, I think the appeal is added safety. Back in the day, when people dated within their community/social circle, there was a layer of trust and accountability that came from community connections. If you were going on a date with a guy, you probably knew someone who knew him or at least knew *of* him enough to alert you to major red flags like being married, violent, etc. Now with dating apps, you can easily get connected for a potential dating relationship with someone without any connection to them or their extended network. This opens up the possibility of people lying about who they are or hiding bad behavior.

Those sorts of groups help close that gap (or at least make people think they’ve closed that gap) by crowdsourcing information from people who may know the guy. Again, I’ve never been in one, so I don’t know whether it’s done effectively, but I can see the appeal of the concept.

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I haven’t seen petty posts (ghosting, “he was mean to me”, etc.) like that in my city’s group- but rather alerts about men that are actually married or have drugged somebody on a date! That’s what they’re meant to be used for according to group rules and can be helpful to other women’s sanity & safety.

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See that I can understand but the page I was looking at legitimate concerns like you mention above only had a few comments whereas ones about ghosting or asking people to point out red flags of ppl they matched with before they even go out with that person had over 100 comments filled and included 🍿or 🍵. It was really disheartening I was like this isn’t entertainment these aren’t celebrities in the public eye these are real people.

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Hardly surprising. People like to pull others down and have a laugh. Makes them feel superior. Works well with people who they didn’t like for some reason or those who didn’t like them. Forget dating, you even see posts on fishbowl about random guys DMs and what they said. With others piling on to make fun of it

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Exactly what A1 said ^
I have seen a group of women making fun of a random man's DMs and such, reminds me of middle school gossips.
Also in this bowl which was created for women, sometimes you will see women attacking other women for not sharing the same point of view 🫠

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Oh my goodness - this group drives me insane in my city! It started as something really great but is now girls bringing down mens' appearances, jobs, ways of texting, etc.

The group in my city has some really terrible undertones as well. Sentiments like "if he doesn't pay for your dinner he's not worth your time" and "if he isn't texting you all the time he has a side chick".

There are so many girls in the group giving absolutely terrible advice, where it is clear they have extremely limited or narrow dating experiences but view themselves as "experts".

Girls are also posting memes, creating meetups, and asking for advice, which is literally not the purpose of the group.

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Yikes!!! That sounds exhausting and gross.

Can someone explain the appeal? I just don’t understand using a stranger’s personal dating experience with someone to guide your experience or wanting to shame someone in a public forum

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