Visiting wife family for 10 days — I hate staying with them because their place is so dirty and we share a room with her sibling. How do I suggest I want to stay in a hotel without disrespecting them?

likefunnyhelpful
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A1 - lots of assumptions there. OP may have chatted w the wife on prev occasions n may have got vetoed. Or maybe the wife is in on staying at a hotel but her family really insists. OP- I m in a similar boat. I suggested to my wife that we be “naughty” n go a few days early n spend time in a resort n then head to the family. After 2 days it is easier to convince her to extend our stay.

likehelpful

Haha so smart! I will def keep this in mind for next time. I’m already here with suitcases and all so it’d be a hard sell to leave now.

Having put my wife in this situation (but only once), please talk to your spouse and explain how you are feeling. Since you are already staying there, you may be stuck (without insulting them). But at least you can set the expectation for next time. It was easier for us because i don't like staying at their house either.

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“i have to use these hotel points that expire at the end of the year”

likesmart

Best suggestion mate ... Using it right away at my wife's place ... Not because it is dirty but I just can't stand the cousins

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Make it seem like you are doing them a favor. “I know how hard it is for you to have me underfoot... ” blah blah blah They’ll act all offended but they are all probably relieved.

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Dude - sounds like the communication in your marriage is sub-par. My wife would know if I felt her parents lived in filth and would NEVER force me to stay at their place and politely let her parents know that 'we' would rather stay in a hotel; that's what true partnership is.

likeuplifting

Read your comments again A1. You’ll know where I came from. Maybe use better words next time. And good to know you’re extremely principled. Not sure what you meant by your beta male concept here. Did you mean aplha? Or you actually meant beta? I couldn’t relate.

Tell them you’ve a booty call

likehelpfulfunny

Haha you’re supposed to tell them that! Don’t actually go for one!

I do this and we just tell my wife’s family that it’s our holiday as well and so it’s nice for us to have a bit of privacy and they don’t have to clean up after another guest.

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Privacy and clean up 😜😜😜

likefunny

Say you’ve developed a snoring problem

funnylikeuplifting

^ this guy eats 🌮 🛎

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God I love being single

like

Share a room? Did you marry a 15 yr old?

likefunny

Lol no, they just have a small house

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Man, I’ve got nothing to help - god speed.

likehelpful

Tell your wife you’d be more comfortable in a hotel/Airbnb and let her relay the message or work out a solution together. Just be honest

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Are you visiting them in another country? Sounds like when I go to India

like

Lol no not in India but we are on 2 separate coasts. Similar culture to Indian culture though

like

Don’t go then. Make a work excuse & just let your wife go.

likefunny

M4- Exactly! That’s what I mean. Times change & the couples don’t need to stick together all the time. Take a break from each other and visit your parents alone. Don’t drag your spouses with you if they don’t like it. Parents are parents irregardless of the marriage type. Love or arranged, you ll still have a set of parents and a set of in laws. All I am saying is, do not disrespect your spouse’s folks by looking down upon their standard of living. Middle ground would be, YOU just don’t go. And let your spouse enjoy. The reason why Op posted this anonymously is probably because he is scared of discussing this with his wife because he knows she may get offended. I may be wrong & you all may be right but I still strongly believe parents deserve more than other social connects. I am one of the biggest choosers of comfort too and put myself before everyone except for my parents and if my spouse tells me something like what OP is mentioning, it will be a dealbreaker for me. Again, it also depends on what kind of relationship your spouse has with his/her parents. I am very close so this question is crazy for me. My spouse knows about my thought process and he’d never say something like this. And neither do I. I usually take my time off to spend with my side of family and I never force him to join. He usually comes towards the end of the trip, spends a couple of days with all of us & then we both leave. And that’s exactly what I do when he goes to see his parents. This can all be simply worked out by discussing things nicely. Calling someone’s place “dirty” “filthy” “just small house” is not the best way to put it across.

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Give us examples of “dirty”. also, the sibling is a brother? sister? Hot? We need more info!!

funny

M5 the suspense is killing me 😂

This is me with my FIL. I told my husband I would never stay there again, although he was welcomed to. On our next trip, we booked the room, told my FIL & didn’t fall into the trap of explanation. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. “Because that is the choice we made for this trip.” He got over it in less than a day. We didn’t make a big deal about it, so he didn’t. You just have to decide you’re ok with short term pain for long term gain.

likehelpful

Ditto this.

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Divorce

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Grow a pair.

likeuplifting

Tell them you've been sick and still recovering. Don't want to pass it on to them.

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If you have to share a room because it’s a small house just say that you want to stay at a hotel. Shouldn’t hurt any feelings as long as you actually go to the house and visit ALL day.

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