Was told I have “resting bitch voice”.

A) Huh???
B) Are you saying I’m mean? Or I’m nice but come across as mean?
C) Are you just not used to a woman with confidence/conviction in her voice?

likefunnysmart
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Well that's a new one haha. The question is, who told you that and/or do you feel like you're hearing it from more than one source? While I've never heard that before, I can think of a few people I work with that might actually qualify under that description if you change "voice" to "tone..." however, most of them really are just bitches and it has nothing to do with their confidence. They're just extremely difficult people to work with because they're automatic tone & verbiage sounds like they're saying "I'm better than you" or "I'm about to screw you over with a smile." Their are guys who do this as well, but I call them dicks and assholes. With that said, I doubt that's you because, unless you're delusional, you would be slightly self aware as to whether or not you can come off bitchy (I also have friends who are self-aware part-time bitches, but they know it and generally channel it towards people who legitimately can't do their job).

Long story long - if it's coming from one source, I might question the person's motives. That's not a constructive, actionable peice of feedback (especially if its a male) - so I would ask them to clarify what they mean so that you can assess whether or not it's something you can/should try to control. Or ask another women's opinion. Your "tone" is something you can control, your voice is not. If it's coming from more than one source - that's more indicative of an actual problem. In that case, I might try speaking with a smile for a few days and see if anyone notices haha. You might look crazy, but depending on how difficult you find it to do that - it might indicate that you could use a little warmth in your words.

likehelpful

Wouldn’t “resting” [whatever] voice imply you’re not actually talking? Like when your doctor says “rest your voice” he/she is telling you to not talk.

I guess what I’m asking is, why are you listening to someone who clearly doesn’t have a firm grasp on the English language?

smart

Definitely a new one and completely unhelpful (if even meant to be helpful). If there is a chance it was meant to be helpful, I will say I’m lately struggling with dealing with another woman whose tone really makes me feel like she hates me. She may hate me! Who knows. But I also have to wonder if she knows that she’s coming across so angrily (keep in mind our encounters thus far are completely benign...so it’s not like she’s projecting confidence and I’m misinterpreting as angry). Anyway, I can say that I work hard to project warmth. Not a smile, just warmth, and that has helped me develop strong work relationships .

It means you look unapproachable.

It was meant to be a play off of the joke “resting bitch face”. Implying a woman always looks angry bc she’s not smiling enough. So I guess I sound angry whenever I talk.

I’ve been told my entire career that I have a deadpan robot voice. It’s not something I can change - I’ve tried. I think it’s probably the same-ish thing. I always respond with a snarky joke. But I’ve never heard of a male coworker being told the same thing. I feel you.

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