Was with a guy for 4 years, thought He es the one, distance tore us apart (he's not a US citizen). It's been 1/2 year and now he's with an ex colleague. I feel gutted and betrayed. Should I though?

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Classic girl emo post. Save it for your Xanga

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Tons of guys write emo shit on here too

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Walk over to the tech consulting side and take your pic

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It's human. Don't do anything stupid. Spend time with your friends, work and family.

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Alt travel to DC. I know how to help you deal with the guilt

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Nope. Your fault.

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Your feelings are always valid and you should remember that. The more you identify and accept them, the less that they will control you. It sounds like you still need to process some things. I would recommend finding some adaptive outlets (exercise, etc) and to work your way through these feelings. It probably feels so painful and like you'll never not feel this level of pain again, but you will get through it and will be stronger and better for it. I recommend reading the tao of dating. Read that while going through a very difficult break-up at 24. Read it cover to cover three times, implemented it and I am now 30 and very happily married to the man that I dated after that break-up. I rarely think about that ex and when I do, I think about how good it is that I broke free from him and moved on. Cut off all communication cold turkey since 2011 and def recommend that as part of the healing process too. Take care.

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Until I read "happily married to the man" I could have sworn this response was by my guy friend who has evangelized that book. Maybe worth a read.

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Also, maybe I should be flattered that you thought a guy wrote that? I thought that I was maybe being too touchy feely. No idea how old OP is, but I feel like break-ups in your mid-20s are so much harder than anyone warns you that they will be. Good luck, OP!

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Move on. Life is too short.

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Something similar happened to me so I sympathize. Your feelings are valid. He clearly can't be alone and is codependent. Hang in there - you'll move on to something and someone better

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Pick*

I would

Really? That's amazing! I am a huge fan and have actually been emailing with the author for several years. He's former McKinsey

Are you mad about him being with someone new or who it is? If its the who - its more your problem and issue

if the ex colleague is also a long distance relationship for him than it makes sense that you feel betrayed. feelings are hard. sometimes people arent meant to be together-and thats ok. as long as you learned something about yourself and what you want in relationships from this 4yr long one, it was a meaningful relationship. sometimes pushing aside our pride is the hardest part of a breakup. you can do it.

All your responses are amazing and truly made me smile! I am 25 and learned more about myself than I could imagine from the 4 years. Dating someone so culturally different introduced me to so many different types of people and places and personalities. I feel betrayed 1) my ex is doing long distance between London and Stockholm, why couldn't he do London to NYC if we meant the world to each other 2) the colleague was in a 5 year relationship, and when became single recently, I feel my ex just did what was convenient - frustrated from being single , in late 20s and just fell back on an old friend/ colleague he always liked in a friendly way but was in a relationship. I go back and forth between accepting it and fighting for it because I know my ex still has feelings for me. (Not telling if I am a guy or girl 😉)

Oops I actually gave it away

You only mentioned "he" three times.

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