Was your wife supportive of your travel schedule once you had kids? My wife doesn’t want me to work in consulting once we start having kids in a few years.

likesmartfunny
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at
Highlighted IconHIGHLIGHTED

Chiming in, first for context, then the punchline, followed by a recommendation, and then a leave behind: I have two kids with a third on the way. Wife is an executive and very capable of building/managing her own career. She is essentially a single working mom when I am traveling. Kids started going to daycare when they were 3-4 months old. Oldest is 7 now. We don't have extra help with taking care of the kids.

The punchline: I offered to quit and find a local job. She offered to give single working mom lifestyle a try. So we gave it a try. We check in on the topic every 4 months or so. Tough at times but holding up well. I think knowing that I am willing to quit and get off the road the moment it becomes too hard is in itself a reassuring.

Recommendation: Get regular housekeeping service if you don't already have it. Do it. One every other week is what I do. Prevents small issues from becoming big ones. Do it especially when you have kids.

Leave behind: D1. Fuck off. We get it. Me too. Sorry you were wronged in life. Best thing folks on this thread have done is to respond in context whether they are the traveling husband, the traveling wife, or the not-traveling spouse. No need to provoke an argument. Chill out. Go get laid with whatever LGBTQ+/- human, non-human, living or not-living stationary or electrified means suit you. God bless you. (See what I did there with religion? That disregard was intentional. Ha.)

likefunnyupliftingsmart

The point is to have them come when you are not there. Get referrals from friends so you can trust them. Or use a bonded service. And it might be worth a nanny cam. You can get to know them pretty quickly. And it is truly a life saver.

like

OP, yes, it is manageable to support your wife, raise healthy, happy kids, and have a career in consulting. I have done it. It requires open, direct conversation with your wife, compromise by both of you, ruthless prioritization in your life, and a bit of sacrifice on your part.

My wife is a professional and had a good career when we had kids. I was a manager and was doing fairly well. We discussed the pros and cons of each of us staying home and decided she would drop to part-time. She didn’t want to quit because she didn’t want to lose the mental stimulation she got from her work. My career trajectory was much steeper and would lead to a higher income long-term.

A few things that made this work:

- We agreed to track nights away from home every week and agreed that 3 nights a week on average was the doable limit over the longer term and 2 would be better if possible. A night away from home was defined (by her) as any night I wasn’t home by bath time for the kids (8pm). Even if I was on a local project, if I worked late, it counted as a night away
- We outsourced the unimportant stuff. House cleaning, laundry, snow removal services were critical. If I had it to do over again, I would have arranged for a few prepped dinners every week. I had plumbers, electricians, and handymen on speed-dial. And even hired a car service to drive my wife and kids somewhere if logistics got screwed up. This was before Uber...
- Kids went to day care at 6 months when she returned from maternity. I believe they were better for it as they learned early socialization and caught every illness that went through town
- Since she handled pretty much everything when I was traveling, I took over for weekends. That meant I was up early with the kids and got them out of the house so she could sleep in or go have some free time. I cooked dinner every night I was in town and did all the grocery shopping and frequently the laundry
- For work I made a bunch of choices. I took projects that gave me a little flexibility even though it might slow me down a little bit on trajectory or not be in my area of interest. Probably delayed my promotion a few years. I was ruthless about my schedule. When I was in town, I was out the door at 5pm and made sure my partners and teams knew it. I was unavailable until 9pm when the kids went to bed. Then I’d be back online for 3-5 hours to work. I chose early morning flights rather than night before, took red eyes if I needed to do so. I worked long hours when I was out of town. Used FaceTime when it got invented to stay in touch on the road. Sometimes had to block time during the day to call home and help the kids with homework
- I spent as much time as possible with my family when I wasn’t at work. Stopped playing golf, didn’t do weekends with the guys, didn’t pursue special hobbies. I believe that it’s not volume of time but the quality of time with them. When I was with them, I was 100% present. I did things with them or with my wife without email. Read a lot of books late at night after my wife was asleep. Mostly gave up the idea of lots of sleep
- When the kids got older, I was more senior and had more flexibility. I never missed a birthday, holiday, or major school event. I made the vast majority of sporting events, even if it meant flying home and taking a redeye back. The kids noticed and it meant a lot to them. And to my wife
- Now that kids are in or out of college, my wife and I have the time to do more together and pursue other interests and hobbies. The kids enjoy hanging out with us and have turned out great themselves

So it is doable. It was hard work, hard for my wife, and hard on me. It wasn’t always perfect. My wife and I did argue at times, but we worked it out. She worked part-time throughout the years and has stayed at that level even now because she likes having her own time. We are much closer now and don’t regret it overall. In the net, it was worth it for us.

likeupliftinghelpful

Thank you for sharing this. This general thread irritates me (as a woman) because it really doesn’t take into account two high performers/consultants in a relationship and how you make that work. So many of these comments are guys who are only willing to flex so much for their wives. Hearing your wife was a professional but stepped down to part time and that you guys made these (difficult and ruthless but necessary) decisions together is something I can appreciate. I really hope lots of the cynical and inflexible dudes on this thread read your comments and man up to make similar sacrifices/compromises for their own wives and families and have similar discussions.

like
Recent IconRecent

My wife, who wants kids, told me she’d rather not have them if she’s going to be “a single mom several days a week.” I’m in consulting deep at this point and I don’t see a way I won’t be traveling - I don’t know WTF I’m gonna do myself.

like

I am not the OP. A female sharing the same comment I heard from my husband

My husband was completely unsupportive if travel and forced me to quit. Our marriage ended in a horribly toxic way and I’m still clawing my way back to the same trajectory that I would have been on without the career interruption.

The only reason I recount this in such a dramatic way is that being on the same page is tremendously important no matter which person’s career is being discussed. You bring up a good point and it can be a deal-breaker.

My husband was less educated and less resourceful but he still felt the need to take my career down with the rest of his insecurities.

likehelpfuluplifting

This is unfortunately such a gendered issues. Many fewer wives would make travel a dealbreaker. Sorry you went through that. Hope if you find another guy they are feminist enough to be supportive of your career, including travel.

I am a woman consultant. My husband is also a consultant but doesn’t travel. He doesn’t want me travelling even during pregnancy. I get it. He wants me to be close to share the experience. My firm offers no local projects. Looking like I’ll have to leave before even starting to try for kids. I’m ok with that because family is the most important thing to me, and I’m excited for what that next chapter and challenge will hold! Maybe some day I’ll go back to consulting, but I just see it as all part of an adventure. I’m fortunate enough to know I’ll be able to find other employment that will offer me different kinds of opportunities and challenges. Focus on what you stand to gain, not lose. That mindset has changed everything for me.

like

Good luck OP!! Wish you the best.

like

Mom of 2 here and long-time consultant. Hubby and I agreed before we had kids what the plan was, which was key. The only “right” answer is the one you are both on the same page about. I work and travel and love my job. He stays at home and loves it. We are an awesome team and have happy, healthy kids. Good luck!!

like

No kids yet, and I’m in my late 20s so take this with a grain of salt, but my wife wants me to not work such an intensive job when we have kids. I don’t advise this, and I know this comes across as horrible, but you only get 1 life: I value my career/life goals over having kids right now, and she can leave if that doesn’t work for her. I always told her when we dated years ago, if she ever felt that I was holding her back from something she really wanted, and if she felt she would resent me for not letting live the life she wanted, she should leave me. I feel if you’re not on the same page for each other’s personal life goals, it ain’t gonna work, someone is going to have resentment on their deathbed. Obviously when kids come into play, your personal goals change, but it should be to support your kid, not Bc your spouse arbitrarily thinks you should. For me, I plan to work as hard as I can over the next 1.5 decades to provide the best possible life, not just for my kids, but for my great grandchildren too, and I’m not going to jeopardize that for my wife

There’s no guarantee that she’ll be my wife forever, as much as I’d love her to be. If something were to happen, I don’t want to end up like some of the people I see who desperately try to catch up to where they wanted to be in the first place, but they felt obligated to stop everything for their spouse

like

Very well said and so true.

So apparently I still live in the 1960s. I have a stay at home spouse and two kids. My spouse hates it when I travel. Luckily I have been able to be remote or local for the last year which has helped. What I found works is never discount the work your spouse does, in fact it is much more difficult then what most of us do. So support your spouse anyway you can. Be present as much as possible, take all your PTO and get help when needed, we still send our oldest to day care in order to allow for my spouse to have a break and call on grandparents as needed. We are also aligned on priorities, my travel and job allow us to have the nice things we have and her work allows me to focus on my career. All this being said, the moment travel becomes too much, I will leave consulting in a heartbeat.

likesmart

In my situation we have 2 young kids, when our first child was born I travelled and my wife had a corporate job with some flexibility and pretty good work life balance. Quite honestly it was manageable at that point in time and we were supportive of each others careers.

When our second child was born that really made this consultant / travel lifestyle very hard because both of us were working. Yeah having both incomes was great BUT we also spent much more outsourcing everything and the stress level for my wife and I was not sustainable.So we knew we had to make a change.

My wife has always had the entrepreneurial drive so we decided for her to quit her corporate job, spend more time with the kids while she starts her own business. A year into it and its been the best decision we have made for the family, kids get plenty of family time even though they still attend daycare, business is steadily growing and I’m thankful my consulting career provides us enough $ to make this possible.

Now are goal is to grow the business to the point where I can join her full time once its financially feasible.

It all sounds nice, but I’ll admit it has been very challenging for us so I completely understand why one person asks the other to stop traveling. Consulting is a challenging career but in my opinion the person who doesn’t travel and stays back with the kids has it much harder.

like

My husband and I have managed two big careers and two kids and lots of travel as well as living in two countries at once. The kids are nearly teenagers now. They speak 2+ languages and are confident travelers. Hubby and I met during our MBA and are very egalitarian. We support each other and take turns being the primary parent as our careers go up and down. Life evolves and our family setup changes often. We think of it as a marathon not a sprint. He’s a 100% amazing dad and husband. I feel very lucky. 😍

likeuplifting

My fiancé brought up the same topic few days ago. Even though she wants to stop working once we have kids, but still she would like me to stop traveling which I respect and agree with her.
If you don’t feel you’re ready to stop consulting, I’d suggest you both to find the happy medium.
Yes!!! We are very 1960 youngish couple

like

Well said. Can’t buy back lost time and family shared memories with any amount of money.

like

I'm a woman consultant and my husband became a stay at home dad when I started traveling. We had a 4 year old and 2 year old twins at that time.

We didn't stay aligned on our expectations and we are still married but have struggled way too much. Set expectations - will she work? full time? part time? when kids go to school? Keeping aligned will make it work.

like

As the product of a traveling consultant Dad and a stay at home mom I can tell you that it’s extremely hard on the parent at home. They are the good cop the bad cop the one who cooks cleans drives everywhere. It’s an unfair burden unless you’re going to a) pay for help as mentioned above b) be extremely involved on the weekends with the kids. Give her a break and spend as much time as possible.
Also the less you’re in your kids lives the less you’ll be in their drawings. My dad finally gave up traveling when he saw I story I wrote about my family in 3rd grade which was really just about me and my mom.

like

My first wife was very insecure and self destructive, things ended because I hit my k thanks bye level. I was immature and she was as well.

My new Wife (new as in 8 years) is a former road warrior and occasionally suggests I do AWT instead of the cross country flight every week.

Understanding the life and the expectations is quite important.

like

Travel is awesome with kids - I just play with them on weekends

likesmartfunny

My fiancé and I are getting married soon! Inevitably this topic has come up. She is supportive of me traveling now and even to some extent when we have kids, but I am peacin’ out of consulting as soon as we do. I definitely want to be home every night.

likeuplifting

This is one of the most rich and interesting conversations I’ve seen in ages. Thanks OP.

like

You bet! Glad everyone is enjoying the dialogue

Leave consulting if you want to have have kids AND stay married.

Its just delaying the inevitable, otherwise.

like

I was part of a team two years ago that had a divorced SC a divorced SM. there was an M who had little kids and a year from there the M got divorced too. There was Just one SC remaining on that team who was married and last I checked he still is but his wife had clearly told him that this cannot be a long term career.

like

Have the kids first. Your spouse and you are stressing out about something that may not happen when you expect it and the way you expect it. You might be ready for something different then, or the spouse might have a change of perspective, the economy could shift and force you into other choices, your priorities might change. It’s life.

like

Good points. Appreciate the perspective

I don’t have kids but I grew up with a father who travelled a lot and my mom stayed at home. I think it did drive my mother crazy having 3 small girls and a husband on the road but she’s also bipolar so there was that too. When my parents divorced I transferred sole custody to my dad and my last 2 years of high school he was in Asia every other month for at least 2 weeks at a time and I lived at home alone. Even though my Dad was gone a lot the most important thing was that he was always available if I needed or wanted to talk to him. He placed a lot of trust and respect in me and I took that seriously. When I left for college my sophomore year he walked out of a meeting to say goodbye to me. These are some things I’ll never forget. To me it was always the quality of interactions with my Dad that counted. When he was home we spent a lot of one on one time together (I’m the youngest and my sisters we’re at college) and I think I’ve
mostly turned out all right 🤷‍♀️

like

Very helpful to hear from that perspective. Thank you.

Related Posts

How VISA in terms of flexibility and work Internationally on remote, do they allow to work from India during the holiday travel?

Anyone out there take a new job with a little one (<2 years old) at home that would require a good bit of travel? How did u make it work?

like

Going to Austin for graduation. Should I stay at the W or JW Marriott with points? They’re both category 6, but does one stand out more than the other?

like

Serious question - is there a reverse FIRE strategy? I like the idea of saving and retiring early, but the one hiccup I see (and sorry if this is grim) is if you die earlier than expected. I’d be worried that I would minimize lifestyle and fun for retirement at 50 but I’d die at 49. How about a way to work 9 months out of the year and retire/travel/relax for 3 months? This way you guaranteed your dreams/etc. are fulfilled

likesmart

I am selected as a Python Developer in Acuity.
Please brief me about your experience in working with Cians Analytics (Acuity), Like how it is to be working with this company, work culture, career growth, work from home policy etc.
Considering this layoff season, shall this opportunity?
Any suggestions or advice will also be appreciated.

Went on three dates in last three weeks. Two of them backed out when they came to know that I travel everyweek. The one left was unhappy this morning when I got up at 4 to catch my flight. FML !

like

Is anyone living on different floors with ~1 year old? Does it work, PROs, CONs? Our master bedroom is upstairs. There are two bedrooms downstairs so I always thought we’d use one of those rooms as our bedroom so we’re on the same floor with baby but it seems husband wants to stay upstairs. And he’s using one of the rooms downstairs as a home office. We bought this house so cannot move in the short term.

like

Moved back to the city post-COVID. My friends have become hermits and don’t really want to do anything. I’m the opposite - after being stuck inside for two years looking to meet new friends and experience new things. Just feel like I don’t know ppl to do it with. Any ideas on ways to cultivate a social life here without friends who are excited to do so as well?

like

Looking at Puerto Rico in May. Where should we stay? We’re a couple in our late 30s, no kids. The St Regis and Dorado are too expensive. Have seen the Marriott Stellaris, Courtyard Isla Verde, and Renaissance. Want beachfront VS city center.

like

Firm with the Best work life balance and culture in M&A consulting?

like

Hi folks, Any idea on wlb at @KPMG for Data Engineer role.

like

Looking for candidates for a Tableau Analytics Solution Engineer role at Salesforce. Home-based role with some travel. Ideal background: experience working with analytics technology (ie Tableau, Salesforce CRMA (Einstein), Qlik, Power BI), working with or in the government/military, and working in a customer facing role. Please reach out if you have interest or know someone who may be a good fit. Resumes welcome!

like

How do you justify the ethicality of Airbnbs often accelerating gentrification and housing inequity in many cities? Do you weigh it against the GDP brought in by travel?

like

I am about to meet my bf's parents who r frm different cast- culture all together. I m Hindu Rajput n they are Marathi Brahims.Although his parents said they are fine with marriage but i can sense they are not actually happy. They are taking it ahead just for the sake of it.Does this culture difference matters a lot after marriage.??
In-laws not liking me will be a problem after marriage.? What should i really focus on?? Is getting married be good idea in such scenerio ?

like

Man that United Healthcare Chuck Norris spot... ouch.

like

I feel like I am failing my kid by having them in daycare with these increasing covid, flu and rsv cases. Shes 5 months old and already has had RSV, covid and has been coughing everyday since I put her in daycare two months ago. Please Mamas tell me Im not crazy for being stressed out😢

like

For those who have international travel planned (USA to India), how are we supposed to get a PCR test result in 72 hours? Labs are overwhelmed. Flight is not until end of Jan but I’m concerned!

like

Interviewed recently with @VillageMD. Anyone have any insight about the remote Medical assistant positions? Preferably someone who does or did work in that type of position with this company. How was the workload? How much time is usually spent on the phone answering calls?

like

My company is looking for a way to coordinate travel plans so that one person isn't arriving at one of our international offices one week and then someone else goes to the same office the following week.
Interested to hear how others coordinate travel in this way that would allow people to plan their trips together. Do you use any software, app, shared document?

like

I am a field marketer. I travel and cover 12 states. HQ is across the US on the east coast. My manager put a surprise calendar invite twice now to go to home office without consulting dates to see if we were available. I stood up and asked to be included on available dates and said I will attend virtually but asking me to be away for 4 additional full days away from my family without asking me is not OK. I already travel a lot and this boundary is super important to me. Am I right or wrong?

like

More Posts

Anyone know how work life balance is at Deloitte? A recruiter reached out to me and even said government/public services is no travel.

like

@EY provide learning platform?
If yes which one

like

I applied for a senior SWE position for Elastic over 11 days ago and they haven't replied to it.

Does this mean I already wasn't considered or is it too soon to say?

like

Does fis insurance cover cataract surgery?

like

Is there any reason why I shouldn’t use my company’s work laptop and resources for my freelance work if it costs my company $0 extra? Just want to make sure I’m not breaking any rules....

All those waiting for GC and feeling stuck at your current company/roles, what would you pursue once you have your GC?

like
like

Divorced mom (no travel) 1 yr ago. Separated 3. I’m starting to think abt dating but I had married my second boyfriend & lack dating exp. On bumble. Rebound vs. relationship? Miss friendship & trust

What kind of questions are asked in tech interviews around respect? I’ve done a Google but haven’t found much.

like

I have read a lot about messiness and ADHD... my office is always a wreck but I know where everything is and I clean it occasionally because I know people can see it.... my house on the other hand is a permanent pigsty (which I regularly blame on being "a busy lawyer")... any one else? Also, any tips on how to stay clean and organized?

like

What makes PE worth the hours? Is it the comp, liking modeling, wanting to work in investments long term?

like

Today marks a year since my best friend’s death. We actually hadn’t known each other too long bc I met him at work. Maybe 5 years but we connected so well. He died from a fatal accident last year. He had so much ahead of him. I miss him a lot today because I got a job offer from a company I told him that I wanted to work for, when he was alive. And I can only say this but I also had a secret crush on him. (Continued)

like

I’m the PM for a product that uses both iOS and Android as mobile platforms. From a planning perspective, do you track the platforms in different epics or do you create stories for both mobile operating systems in the same epic for the feature being built?

like
like

Can someone refer of SAP BASIS profile in Qualcomm please?

YOE: 6.4
Notice period : 15 days left

Thanks

Analytics 💵 transparency thread!


Format:
Title level (standardized title/job level)
Economic area (Bay Area, Midwest, etc)
Salary + bonus + liquid equity
Anything else you think would help

likesmarthelpful

My drink of choice tonight .

Can I get some likes

Post Photo
like

Any good security related sub redit pages that we folks can follow?

like

What can I expect in caseMD round at Accenture (Applied Intelligence)?

like

Additional Posts in Consulting

I'm currently a permanent resident, will I be able to get clearance & work in GPS when I become a citizen?

like

How to best help a new manager from industry that doesn’t “get” Consulting? We keep missing timelines and there seems to be a general lack of plan.

like

How much should a MBA graduate make in consulting industry (say in NY, LA, or any major city) with about 2 years of experience prior to MBA?

like

i put money in traditional 401k bc i don’t know when i’m going to die

funny

Big 4 folks- what is the pension actually worth? Does it become a meaningful part of your retirement if you spend a career here and wind up at, say, SM?

like

Looking for Seattle opportunities.. Have almost 3 years of Oracle functional experience.. trying to do something with cloud.. Taking AWS SAA in 2 weeks. Any recommended openings or referrals?

like

If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard the word ‘perspective’, I’d probably be as wealthy as the folks who post their net worth on here

funnylike

Any layoffs in big4?

like

Booz Allen Singapore office is closing. Riyadh has downsized. Abu Dhabi laid off all cyber employees. Are Dubai and Lebanon next?
How does this fare for the firm’s commercial and Intl ambitions?

likefunny

Are MBB exits really that much better than B4/Accenture? I have recruiters from 4/5 FAANG, a few PE firms, random startups here and there and lots of other consulting firms reaching out daily

like

I am on bench since beginning of the year , I believe the shutdown week does not count , if it does then it is about a month of benchand know that layoff is coming. Do I resign or wait for the layoff?

likehelpful

Do you think the job market will get hotter or cool down over the summer months?

like

Anyone need a referral for EY? Dm me directly, would be happy to help

like

Has anyone filed taxes in 2+ states on TurboTax​ or the like? How much did it cost you?

like

Wow I thought Oliver Wyman did only FS, turns out they cover pretty much all industries / functions. Is it true?

like

I wasted my youth being responsible.

like

What's a decent Starwood hotel in NYC? Other than the Sheraton Times Square cause I can't survive being trampled again

APAC Kearney employee here. Have an opportunity to shift to Bain, but have been in the firm for only a few months. Any thoughts? Should I shift? Or stay back longer?
Shifting will push me back 6 months.
Any advice is appreciated. Thanks!

like
like

Healthcare consulting future - Better to go into the tech space, or focus on strategy/ops?

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the
Fishbowl app

See what’s happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

A phone with Fishbowl app

Send download link to your phone

OR

Scan your QR code to download
Fishbowl app on your mobile

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Messaging rates may apply

Download app

Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy

Already have an account? Log in

Sign up for free to continue using Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use(New) and Privacy Policy(New)
Messaging rates may apply

Already have an account? Log in

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal