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You should suggest they reach out to HR about potentially taking some time off to deal with what they are going through.
I like this approach. There actually may be some paid options for him
Chief
Discuss your concerns and expectations with the person objectively
Rising Star
And privately
Ask how you can help.
If this is a recurring problem, you need to get HR involved. They may need to start asking for documentation. In any event, if there is a prolonged issue affecting performance, they need to take time off.
Chief
It sounds like they are having a rough time and are trying to hang in there, but they don’t have the time to actually sort things out or properly come to terms with what has happened. They are treading water as they try to please a lot of different people at the same time
Offering them some time off to just step away from the project and really commit some time to getting their affairs in order could help a lot.
Pro
Sounds like they may be in a caregiving capacity. Would definitely have a direct conversation that makes clear your priority is to support them, and current set up is a lose-lose for them and the project. Deloitte has paid family leave for situations like this, or the option to formally dial down — look into what your firm may provide and help them navigate that
Personal problems cannot impact work, if they are, better to take time off deal with it and come back. Have that candid conversation and suggest taking time off. Team cannot pull the weight for much longer without consequences (e.g. others getting burnt out)
Pro
Find ways to keep the team organized so this person has something to reference upon return from an unexpected pto. A million slack messages and recordings of meetings is not a reasonable way to catch up.
Perhaps also this person should go to part time temporarily so they can cope with the family issue and have reduced scope for their (and everyone's) sanity.