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Touchy subject - some women can’t get pregnant who want to so badly
Many women are blessed like you and it happens on accident
We live in a world where we have options - tune out the noise and the guilt of others and make the best choice for you- because at the end of the day you’re the one who’s life is affected the most.
take a few days to think, self care, talk it over with your husband if you want- realistically about what having a third would require, but also the consequences at this point of not (you may feel relief, you may feel guilt, you may feel guilty because you’re relieved)
I’ll offer a different perspective. This is 100% your choice, so I fully agree that you should take some time to processes.
We also got pregnant with #3 on accident. I did decide to terminate the pregnancy and I have absolutely 0 regrets. Sure I sometimes play the “what if” game but it has definitely been the right decision for our family.
I’m happy to connect if you want more details on my decision but I’m certainly not trying to push you in any direction. I just want you to know it’s okay to make the decision that it’s not the right time to have a baby. It’s okay not to feel guilt for making that decision. Only you can decide which path is right for your family. I wish you the best.
Yea, agree. Thank you for sharing! Everyone needs to make their own decision with this one, but I have a few friends who have chosen to terminate, with no regrets. I also have a friend who had a whoops baby and loves her now 3 year old dearly.
OP, ultimately, everyone needs to make their own choice. Whatever you decide, you are an amazing mom! And trust yourself to know which choice is right- if you need help talking it through, definitely find a good therapist to help you figure out what is right.
I ended my third pregnancy last year. I felt the same; How could this "mistake" happen in my 30's? I felt horrible as well, knowing there are women out there trying to get pregnant.
But I had to what's best for my family. Thank goodness my husband agreed.
I don't regret it because I believe it's a woman's choice and I genuinely don't believe it's a baby until a certain point and I stopped the process until that point.
You are the only one that has to live with this decision.
If you need someone to talk to, I'm here.
This is your life your choice for your family and you have to make the decision. Don’t let others’ struggles or guilt or hope influence you. Dig deep and think about what you want to do.
This is not helpful to the OP. Let's keep this to support and not trying to argue her options.
OP probably came here because there's no one she can talk to in real life other than her DH. Let's support her while she makes her decision and answer any questions she poses, not push her toward a particular decision.
OP, what can we do to support you?
She specifically said she didn’t know what to do and is looking for insights and people are sharing what they think they would do. Not your call to determine what is or isn’t helpful.
Explore your options- there are a lot of them, from termination to adoption to keeping the baby. Only you know what’s right for you and your family.
You are a great mom, regardless of what you choose.
If it doesn't feel right, it's not right. There is no perfect decision. Only decisions that are good for you.
I feel like I have put my career and life plan behind two times. And now this again, just when everything starts to become better...I am looking for alternatives but at the same time I don’t know if I am making the wrong decision... I don’t know what to think anymore...any insights would be really helpful to get me through this...
O1 that was so well said!
Please don’t terminate. Adoption is a great option
Adoption is not always the best choice. (coming from someone that was adopted)
This happened to me thirteen years ago while I was up for partner. I had lots of emotions both ways but decided in the end to have the baby. Two firms later, I have never regretted that decision once. This child is the one who always makes me smile and sometimes gives me insights that are well beyond her years. Have courage and look in your heart for the answer.
You have some time to figure out what you want to do. Give yourself a few days to breathe.
You have options. Just breathe. There is time to think it over, talk about it with your partner, and decide. Whatever you choose, just know it’ll be ok.
Sending you lots of support as you figure it all out.
Three women in my family have terminated pregnancies and not one of them was happy about it later on. Sometimes it was regret soon after and sometimes it took longer... not saying that would be you, just throwing it out there as something to consider.
I get that this has derailed your plans and having a kid definitely slows us down career wise way more than it does our husbands... Take a breath, evaluate your options and make a decision. I honestly don't know anyone that is in a stable relationship that regrets having a kid/another kid though..
My sister terminated twice. Both decisions were hard for her to make but once she made up her mind she didn’t let anyone’s opinion or comment get to her.
She is now married and mom to twins.
Whatever you decide to do will be the right decision.
I wouldn’t personally let career progression/plan stop me from having another child (planned or no). To me, family is more important than everything and if you think your family is ready for another one, That’s what I would go off. I personally wouldn’t terminate because I didn’t want to delay my career.
I second this. You seem to have a happy family, still married, and a stable job at EY. Delaying your progression by a year is really nothing in the whole span of your career and I wouldn’t terminate for that sole reason. Also, how fast you made partner is not what matters on your death bed. Your family and kids are. I used to be super focused on making partner ASAP and recently have been rethinking my priorities and what it means to be true happiness. I just realized that no amount of money will make me satisfied and content (used to think 250k will make me feel content, before then back in college 100k seemed like a lot of money, etc.).
What kind of accident?
Whatever you decide for this one remember there are many many birth control options out there for next time! No judgment at all on the mistake just a friendly PSA that even natural methods (tracking ovulation, temperature method, pull out) are better than nothing.
Do what makes sense for the family you want to be, don’t make a decision based on where you are right now.
We are easily replaceable in our current jobs, whether we choose to believe that or not; life is not replaceable. Your family is not replaceable.
Embrace the challenge. I would love to have another but it hasn’t happened yet. We are looking into adoption as well. Whatever you choose just make sure you’re happy with it.
I had three surprises and my last one was over a decade from the last kid we had. Each of them have brought more love into my life. Yes it causes more stress on finances and life in many ways, but they have been blessings over all. The youngest has been the sunshine O needs during the most difficult years of my life. Everything happens for a reason and can understand how you feel right now.