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WOULD A DRINK HELP?
By going back in our own drinking histories, we could show that years before we realized it we were out of control, that our drinking even then was no mere habit, that it was indeed the beginning of a fatal progression.
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We upset some family members, namely my parents, because I didn’t want any visitors for the first 4 weeks as I needed to focus on myself and baby.
Best thing I’d done personally.
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We planned to have my mom come visit the week I was due, but Covid changed our plans. And fortunately we had some time (about a month) with just us before folks started visiting. We really got to learn and navigate and problem solve ourselves. We also had the privilege of a night nurse so that helped with our sleep a little. I’d do it again. Both the month wait+ the night nurse btw!
Curious about how things works with a night nurse. What did the nurse do and was she there the whole night?
I didn't set a timeline I just said I would let everyone know when I was ready to have people come visit. It definitely ruffled some feathers because my father was ready to hop in the car the night I went into labor to come visit me in the hospital and I had to tell him to stay home. Please note that it was never discussed whether anyone would be welcome in the hospital room, he just assumed that he could come. I'm a very private person and I don't ask for help with anything so this shouldn't have been surprising to anyone. .
I'll also add.. with my family it's more of a competition of "who got there first"... and has nothing to do with helping. If you feel having a family member there will be helpful, get them there, but be prepared fpr the intimacy of it - it is a humbling time in my experience. With my family, being helpful was not the intent and when my dad did finally get to see his new grand baby the FIRST thing he did was take a selfie to send to my mother that he got there first... because that's the adult-been divorced for 20 years- thing to do. So frustrating.
Depends on the birth. My first, I had bad baby blues but I had people over right away and I had massive anxiety (to which I held inside). My parents had to travel cross country so we had planned when they would visit months ahead of time…with my second, I had no post partum issues and had people over right away with no anxiety at all. With both I did one month confinement month where I didn’t leave the house. (Cultural) Each birth is different, each post partum is different, I would recommend not planning anything now, take it day by day.
My mom came before birth for both kids and stayed for a few weeks; she was awesome and basically focused on taking care of us so we could focus on taking care of baby. My MIL would not operate that way at all, so with our first (during COVID) it was 9 months later…and with our second it was at 6 weeks. 6 weeks was too soon IMO. We were barely in a routine and we’re not ready for the type of visit she wanted (baby snuggles and bottle feeding). So I think it really depends on what type of family member you have and what their expectations are. If someone is there to just get baby snuggles, I would wait until 2-3 months, honestly. Especially if they’re staying with you.
It depends on what you want and need. Actual help, or just visitors for people see the baby?
If it’s help then whoever is willing to actually help you can come immediately. If it’s people just wanting to see the baby and visit they can wait until eternity in my opinion, or until you feel up for company, everyone’s different.
If they expectation is that they stay with you when they visit, absolute minimum 4-6 weeks.
Also I notice you wrote they want to “see the baby” not “come help you.” Which means 100000% not before then (and personally I’d say AT LEAST 6).
My first was born in peak COVID (April 2020). Family came end of May. That was the right call.
Had an emergency c-section with baby #2 and mom came at 3 weeks but second kid is a very different ball game.