{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "We spout gender equality, but often ask women to do things men don't get asked to do. From organizing lunches/events at work (pre-Rona), to babysitting our siblings because we are girls with motherly insticts. It is generally expected that women do certain things that are \"for the good of the community\" which is just unpaid work for no praise. \nLet's change this. Let's start the change at home and it will translate elsewhere \nIf you won't ask your son to do it, don't ask your daughter to do it.", "post_id": "5ed29bd1d9fb920028f2c0cf", "reply_count": 35, "vote_count": 34, "bowl_id": "5e6fe1c31f5e51001d267e46", "bowl_name": "Coronavirus Work-life" }

We spout gender equality, but often ask women to do things men don't get asked to do. From organizing lunches/events at work (pre-Rona), to babysitting our siblings because we are girls with motherly insticts. It is generally expected that women do certain things that are "for the good of the community" which is just unpaid work for no praise. Let's change this. Let's start the change at home and it will translate elsewhere If you won't ask your son to do it, don't ask your daughter to do it.

likefunnyhelpful
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As a whole I agree with OP. In terms of home life, men as a whole need to do more and shoulder more responsibility with many of these household and parenting. But, I think there is a non-negligible percentage of women who help perpetuate the problem on a micro and macro level. Some of my male friends simply “can’t do anything right”, if you are to ask their wives. They can’t change the diaper properly. They don’t know how to properly make the sandwich the exact way the kid wants it. They don’t yada yada. I’ve heard testimonies and I’ve seen it with my own eyes. Sure, I think in many cases the men aren’t putting in enough effort, but a lot of the time, they are trying and being scolded for their efforts, sometimes publicly. This is not what I call positive reinforcement. And then a pattern is formed early on: the woman, for whatever reason, is a little or a lot better at a particular home or parenting task, the man does a worse job, gets scolded and told he can’t do it right, so the woman takes over, and the man is afraid to try again and starts to believe that the best way to avoid conflict is to let her do it, all the while these same women will complain to their husbands and friends that he doesn’t do anything. Imagine if every morning, someone had to do thirty pushups before my spouse and I could leave the home for work. I can do push-ups pretty easily because I have natural upper body strength. My spouse cannot. She could maybe do one or two before needing a break. What do you think happens here in this scenario? Some actions and behaviors are more natural to people. I can tell my spouse she needs to learn how to do more pushups but like most things, it not only takes time, but emotional support and understanding.

likesmart

Totally fair and valid points. I think we can both agree that the spectrum of subject matter runs wide, and the circumstances, gender dynamics, learned bias, and expectations are different for everyone.

Most men will admit they have no idea how to fix a car. Most women, too. Heavy lifting and mechanical chores are the domain of men? Not always. I am damned good at at mechanical chores. My husband is not. He’s a geek and will fix my computer, though. And he’s a great cook. Women who don’t have a man to lift things for them have all learned about leverage and cooperation to get those tasks done. The point here is this: Don’t automatically ask women to organize an office party, take up collections for gifts or decorate the office Christmas tree. If it’s not in their job description, just do it yourself.

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Big proponent to this last week I heard someone breaking in my home so I asked my wife to go check. #equality

likefunny

My husband said he wanted a child so I told him to go carry one for 9 months 🙄

likefunnysmart

One thing to consider here is men working in childcare are often stigmatized as pedophiles. We push men away in similar ways as we push women towards

likesmart

I’ve been so conflicted about this actually now that I have a toddler. For some reason it does make me feel uneasy if there is a male childcare professional at the daycare (feel different about grade school male teachers, probably because I had lots of them). I know I shouldn’t, but at the same time the stakes are so high and I’d never forgive myself if something did happen.

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Maybe because women tend to be better at and enjoy those types of things more? Obv a generalization but overall this tends to be the case, and that’s ok!

likesmart

LIES men tell themselves

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OP this is so one sided in your mind. I agree it’s bad that one gender is expected to execute specific tasks, but that definitely goes both ways. And to the women here saying “oh I change tires” etc. Yes that’s great and I’m the same way there are men that take care of babysitting etc. But it doesn’t change the fact that it’s expected that men take care of the heavy stuff, mechanical chores etc. So your post is not wrong, and I agree that things need to be changed, but it’s written as if it’s a one side issue while it’s clearly not.

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The reason why the focus is on the women is because this is where the inequality lies. I agree that it would be great if we listed out all the responsibilities, assigned them an effort level and distributed evenly. We have a long way to go before bias is taken out of those decisions though.

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It works both ways. I still remember my first job out of college, my boss rounded up me and 2 other young men to help move some desks. He never would have asked one of the women to do that.

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Agreed. Thanks for sharing your opinion OP

uplifting

Evolve, people.

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