Went through a terrible breakup last night. Barely got any sleep and feel terrible. Work requires me to go into the office every day, but I can’t imagine sitting there, trying to get anything done. I’ve already put in my two weeks at my firm so I’m just wrapping up a few assignments. Should I go in and try to get stuff done? Or should I just let my boss know I’m dealing with personal issues and take the day?

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Ugh I’ve been there. Do you have any deadlines you need to meet? Personally, I’d go in, if anything just to get out of the house and force myself to not disrupt my routine and life too heavily, even if I’m not completely productive that day. I think this is a short term vs long term decision - do you think not going in today for personal reasons during your final two weeks effect your ability to get a good reference from them in the future at all? Don’t let last night burn a bridge needlessly - it’s such a horrible time dealing with a breakup and a demanding job, but if you can find the strength to finish your two weeks out I would do it with your head held high and then hopefully you’re taking time off for yourself before you start your new gig to process things. The short term decision is to stay home, which is tempting, but I think the correct long term play is to maintain your status quo in other areas of your life as much as possible. I think you’ll be glad you did looking back. Stay strong girl!

likeuplifting

I’m all for taking time for yourself when needed. However, less than 12 hours into a breakup, you’re not thinking clearly and are more likely to make decisions without thinking of the long term implications. It’s easy to kick up more dust in your life (not going to work, spending money impulsively, wasting time checking your phone obsessively and not attending to important things, etc.) while waiting for the dust to settle on the breakup, then you’re lost in a cloud of your own making.

My motto is to not make any decision that might have long term implications when there’s a possibility I’m not thinking clearly. I’m also speaking from personal experience because I’ve both gone into work and stayed home before in this situation and I always felt better when I went into work, even though I was upset and didn’t get everything done, simply because it reminded me that I have other responsibilities and things that I value in my life, things that give me meaning (maybe there’s a coworker that you’re friends with or your morning cup of coffee right when you sit down at your desk) - I think maintaining a sense of normalcy in chaos can be helpful in and of itself. If someone yanks a large thread in your life and things start to unravel, there’s no use in starting to pull at other threads yourself, if you can help it. When you feel like everything in your life has been upended (like in a bad breakup) the little things (getting ready and doing your makeup for work for ex) can be comforting in a way.

You’re right in that it wouldn’t be a big deal if she took the day off, but making one choice makes it easier to make the same choice again later on, and maybe next time the stakes are higher. I don’t think we should underestimate the impact little decisions like this can have on us. Although I’m not a boomer, I actually think some of that old school mindset of “carrying on despite” has some merit in certain situations, and in my opinion this is one of them.


TLDR: it’s not a huge deal if she stays home, breakups suck hard, and I totally get both sides. I think the main reason for going in is just to not disrupt your life more than it needs to be. Secondary reason is for professional courtesy in the last two weeks. In my opinion it’s less about burning bridges with other people and more about not burning your own house down. I just don’t see any benefit to staying at home besides being able to not leave bed. I’m also just stubborn 🤷🏻‍♀️

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You already put in your two weeks. What are they gonna do, fire you? Stay home and take care of yourself

likeuplifting

This. Not sure what’s with the comments above re burning bridges. You won’t burn a bridge for taking a sick day during your notice period

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If you don’t want to burn a bridge, I would go in unless I literally could not (whether that’s physically or mentally or what have you). If I could tough it out, I would. If you don’t care about your relationship wirh your firm, take the day!

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A7 - try reading closely again. I said if you COULD tough it out—and if OP couldn’t physically or mentally I said take the day. That is not intense mental pressure. Life sucks a lot of the time and shit happens. When it’s too much, I agree everyone should take a day. But sometimes when things are hard maybe we can look deep down and see that we’re tougher than we think and we just might surprise ourselves. And maybe that will make you proud. But immediately saying someone is “pushing a narrative” without really thinking about what was said is not right.

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I wouldn’t go in. I’ve been through that and cried at work, which is way worse than just staying home in hindsight

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Sick Day

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Game face. This is purely my own approach and I realize many don’t agree with me, and that it may not even be healthy (mental health first, ladies).
But I like to think that I’m a mental athlete, and personal issues need to be handled but not intrude on my ability to do my professional work. It’s like exercise, I’ve worked at it and I can set aside personal emotions during “game-time”. It also gives me time to relax and not process during the immediate aftermath where my immediate emotions dictate how I process Bc that does not work for me. Usually leads to the negative processing as opposed to a positive processing.

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As a former college athlete, I get this approach, C1! Thank you - I worked out and am now going into work for at least a little bit, if it gets too much I think I can ask to take the afternoon off…but we shall see

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Yeah, you’re not going to burn a bridge taking one day off. As long as you wrap up what needs to be done and show up the rest of your time left, I would 100% take today off. At least take the morning!

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call out sick

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I would take a sick day or request to work from home unless you think it will burn a bridge. At this point, doing so should not burn a bridge with your employer as it seems like you’re on your way out and have already proven yourself. Do whatever is best for your mental health. Stay strong and the future is bright!

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Going through the same thing. Break up in the middle of all these closings. Personally, I like compartmentalizing. When I’m in “work mode,” I do that, work. I do my best to tough it out and try to finish everything I can while in the office. Forcing myself to go to the office also forces myself to get out of my house. Walk through a park and get out of my head even for a few minutes. Otherwise, I might fall into depression just being at home mixing work and processing the breakup.

When I get home, I give myself that space to process my emotions. Then when I get tired (usually like 2-4 hours), and when it feels like I have no tears to cry that day, I honestly find myself billing again.

Not sure if that’s the healthiest way to do it, but it works for me. Being an athlete for most of my growing years probably contributed to that too. Needless to say, at the end of the day, look out for yourself and do what works for you.

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Just say you’re sick and will monitor email from home in the event of a true work emergency.

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No shame in the mental health game. Stay home.

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My best advice is not to make permanent decisions (like burning a bridge) based on temporary emotions. In the long run, maintaining a good relationship with a former employer, especially in law is likely to be more impactful for your future.

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Not normally but if you just put in two weeks notice it may be seen that way. But everyone should do what is best for them. Mental health is super important. This is simply advice I would take for myself but everyone has to do what is best for them.

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Working may actually be a plus for you if it helps you focus on something other than your break up. I’m sorry you are going through this loss.

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Treat it how you would if you got Covid/the flu/whatever during your notice period. Take the day, and if they care, be glad you’re getting out.

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So sorry to hear! I went through something similar 2 weeks into starting a new job. I took a day, but ended up enjoying being in the office because I would do a few tasks and at least get my mind off of it for a bit.

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6 days later I'm curious what you chose to do. I worked retail and had a BAD breakup. I went to work and put my game face on. I cried during lunch and sucked it UP during the day. In hindsight I wish I had taken the sick day. .....But I needed to get paid.

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