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Working Moms

WFH for moms means everyone thinks you're available for them all day! Husband just got all bent out of shape because I moved my desk to a spare room to escape his nonstop zoom meetings. It's literally all day every day so he doesn't help with school & I'm already interrupting work to keep the kids on track and losing time supervising the whole school day. When I sit down to work, I'm already behind and I can't handle the constant distraction of him talking. Venting I guess.

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I know it is what it is, but it bothers me that moms become the default parent in situations like this. Two ideas: hire a tutor like the previous comments mentioned; ask your husband to split the week days. There was a time when I felt like I was a slave to my calendar in the sense that I had no control over it. I would get 3 phone calls while being on 1. Your husband probably feels the same right now. But if he pauses for a second and think about it, he is his own man and he has the inability to be on call all the time.

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I’m in the exact same boat as you. My SO is on non-stop video calls literally from 7:30/8AM-5:30PM and is working after that as well. He’s in the office with the door shut almost all day, and it’s up to me to juggle work and toddler. Honestly, I brought in a nanny because I couldn’t handle it. SO still gets irritated when I can’t just chat with him in between meetings though. It’s ridiculous.

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I did too for the longest time. My nanny is older, lives with her husband who works from home, and takes similar precautions to us. You definitely have to weigh the risk, but for me, I could not work and care for a toddler simultaneously any longer.

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So weird to at he expects you to work in the same damn room as him. and if it makes you feel better I thought I married an evolved man, but when the kid came he became Archie bunker.

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Yup. This exactly. Last night I got interrupted in the shower because my kid pooped in his diaper and my husband couldn’t find the wipes. The shower was literally my last refuge and it’s been I filtrated. I don’t know where to go next...maybe I need to take longer sh*ts.

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One time, I put the kid to bed, did the dishes, got on my India call, finished work, went to bed around 12:30. My husband went to bed at 9. The next morning he had the nerve to ask “why didn’t you wake me up when you came to bed last night (for sex)?” It was all I could do to not punch him in the nuts.

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You should talk to your husband, really. He may not realize that you need his help. You both are working, and your career is not a side hustle to keep you entertained, but a job that also brings money to the family. We have kids schedule on the wall in a common room and agree beforehand who is taking care of what, so we both could fit it in our schedules.

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I’m just coming from the thought that men are generally dumb when it comes to noticing other people needs and they need to be directed. That’s how they were raised by their mothers. So I’m just telling my husband when something is not working for me.

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I hope you can talk to your husband about a better plan. Everyone could be stuck in video calls all day if they don’t manage against it. It’s worth seeing if he can block an hour...even if that is it...to be on duty. Or if he can pick up the slack some other way- like handling the dinner/bedtime routine so you can get a few hours in later in the day. There is room in his day but he has to be willing to find it and block it for the family. And I give you kudos for not widowing yourself after sharing an office space with him during this time. You have the strength of a thousand moms. ❤️

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It def felt like a jail break after sharing the office for 3 months 😅 I had my own office in our last house and we moved to this place during the pandemic

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Same! By the end of the say I have such sensory overwhelm that I hide in my closet for a few minutes to keep from crying.

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Sometimes I hide in my closet to cry.

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I get it. My husband works outside of the home. Currently, I’m teaching 4 preps at home while my 5 and 9 year old are also here and learning virtually. I’m working 2+ jobs every day, and my husband thinks I don’t do enough at home...

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Jeez! I'm so sorry. Teachers are saving the world right now!!

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I’m so glad my husband has to leave for work. I can only imagine how you’re expected to tend to everything. Do you each have your own office? I do feel some sympathy for him because having to zoom ALL day would be awful. Can he take some time off and help out? Can you hire a tutor?

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It is awful for him and it is awful to be stuck in the room with... So yes I now have a desk set up in another room. It was a "guest" room and we are realizing we won't have guests anytime soon... Or be free from WFH anytime soon. It isn't possible for him to control his schedule enough to be reliable for helping with school, meaning get everyone to class on time.

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It won’t get better, sorry to say. I went down to 80% which is still too much.

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Arg :(

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Yeah we have separate offices for this reason. The kids are virtual students and do their classes from their rooms too. Had to upgrade our internet with a mesh network to handle the video traffic. Separate offices keep us sane. Everyone knows to knock when the doors are closed.

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I can relate! It’s so difficult working from home!

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Can he help out before his work starts? Can he put blocks in his calendar to help with school work?

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Tx for the ideas, I don't think he can but we have to talk and get creative as a team. He is under a lot of pressure, but I am too!

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