What are some things you should align on before marriage? My bf & I don’t align on where to live (U.S. vs elsewhere) , when to have kids (he wants in 2 yrs, I want to do MBA & travel so after 5 yrs).

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Kids, roles and responsibilities, finances, general timeline for milestones like having kids

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“Align” you’re deff a consultant 😂

likefunny

Lol 🤣🤣🙃 he is too!

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If you don’t agree on that’s stuff you should align on the fact that both of you at certain times are going to be willing to compromise significantly for the other. The kids thing as long as you REALLY want kids the timeline isn’t in my opinion a dealbreaker but make sure you both want them. I’d also consider religion and shared ethical standards and values critical to align on. Unless your both casually religious or not at all.

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Those would be a start. Others are financial alignment (saving v spending), family obligations (are you expecting your aging parents to move in with you someday or vice versa and are you on the same page on that), religion, child raising philosophies, house/lifestyle/vacation expectations, household management...

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The mechanics of how you'll manage your finances. How you'll share household responsibilities and what/when you're both comfortable outsourcing, how involved you both want each of your families to be in your lives (now and when you have kids), where you both stand on providing assistance to family members (if a sibling asks for a loan, if your a parent requires a live in caretaker), your perspectives on divorce, and really, really important imo-discuss how each of your families handle conflict and determine what is acceptable and what isn't for your own family.

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Premarital counseling is great for this actually. It may feel a little intrusive and unromantic, but honestly 13 years in, I'm still so glad for some of the conversations that forced us to have.

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I recommend working together through the book, 1000 questions to ask before you get married.

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Who should stay home with kids when they are newborns, who will take care of children when they are a bit older but still haven't started school. How you will share (or not!) household chores in general.
Sadly if this is not discussed it might be that your partner expects you to do all of this by default just becuase you have a pu**y

Financial goals and budgeting, views on sharing of household chores, views on parenting styles, views on what what constitutes cheating and how to re-align post slip up (hopefully not).

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Also thing like how you’ll care for aging parents, and values for what generally is important to you in life in addition to K1’s list

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Thank you all!!

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I am interested to apply to Salesforce in the future, if not now.
(Currently finished 1.25 years of work ex)

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likefunny

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