What are your boundaries with the opposite sex when in a serious relationship? Do you feel okay with your partner having one on one hangouts with the opposite sex (if they’re attracted to the opposite sex) if the other person is a good friend? Are there certain activities that are off limits (movies, drinks)?

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I trust my SO, therefore we don’t have limits on who we can or cannot see. It depends on your respective comfort levels.

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@ OP no activities are off limits. Our trust goes both ways and it helps that we’ve been together for years.

My general rule has been nothing is off limit with friends. However, they all would need to be people that my BF would either bring me along or atleast introduce me to. I don’t want to go with him every time he sees his friends and want his to have his independent relationship. But a red flag to me would be if there was a reason I couldn’t meet a friend or she only wanted to see him and not if I joined.

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OP - Yeah, I’m excited to introduce my BF to all my friends and I am also excited to get to know people he cares about. You can always position it like your friend sounds great, id love to meet her. One of my best female friends is my guy friend’s wife. I knew him first but over time the friendship has morphed and and I’m closer with her. So there can be upside to your BF having cool female friends.

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We don’t overengineer it. I spend time with my opposite sex friends and coworkers and mentors the way I would if I were single and am fine with him doing the same 🤷🏽‍♀️.

We just don’t hide anything….I let him know about drinks or dinner with the opposite sex the way I would let him know about it with the same sex.

Every couple is different, so you need to do what works for you. I would also encourage you to consider this: if you were two women, do you think you’d need guidelines when hanging out with other lesbians?

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Gotcha! Glad you two have that trust

It’s not necessarily about gender - I was just using that as an example because that’s my situation.

If I was in a same sex relationship and had insecurity I would appreciate boundaries around the gender my partner is attracted to.

For example - no date like activities or whatever.

My SO is bi. When you think about it that way, there can’t be limits on who they hang with.

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Yes - but are there activities you would want boundaries on?
Like no cuddles (obviously), or drinks or things like that?
It’s not a gender thing - more so a boundaries thing

We don’t have any off limits with the opposite gender. My(F) best friend is a guy, and my SO (M) loves him, too. We sometimes all hangout together, or I hangout with my friend alone. I get drinks with said friend, have helped him move, gone shopping, etc. just the two of us. It’s fully platonic.

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I think what matters most is the desire to do so. I feel strongly against restricting my partner from doing anything, it’s his life, his prerogative, and I never want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me. So this framework informs my communications with him. So no rules, but that being said, I would have concerns if he had the desire to spend a significant amount of 1:1 time with a friend that’s a girl

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We don’t have limits really. We are both bi so setting restrictions on gender is impossible. There are one off cases where we set restrictions and that is mostly people we have had histories with or we know are into one of us. For example one of my fiancé’s friends has been in love with him for years and although his friend knows there are not that type of feelings his friend kind of pushes it when he gets drunk. So I don’t love them doing date like activities alone because of their shared history. I am also good friends with my ex and my fiancé has a similar feeling about us not really doing date like stuff.

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Yeah I have no limits with my S/O! He just got drinks with a female friend last weekend and then she crashed in his roommates bed (roommate was out of town). And I feel totally comfortable with that! Planning to spend at least a night at my college guy friend’s place when I visit Cali later this year. Now IF it was one of those chicks that gave me *that* gut feeling…you all know the one I’m talking about…I would speak up!

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Gotcha - haha yes that gut feeling. How did u develop such confidence?! Have u been blessed with great guys who never cheated

Hi OP… I have some questions around what you call “date like” activities. I can grab drinks, dinner, and go to a movie with a girlfriend (I’m straight so working on this basis, not trying to perpetuate hetero views as the baseline) and it sounds like that’s not “date like” to you, but if I did it with a guy then it would be and you would want it to be off limits? Or you wouldn’t want that with anyone else? I’m not coming at you but reading between the lines it sounds like context matters - is it that your SO isn’t trustworthy or has given you reason to doubt them? If not, then maybe you need to think about why you’re feeling this way, and take some responsibility for your feelings as a starting point. I think it’s ok to share these with your partner but with the understanding that it’s not about them but something you may need to work through.

For context, I’m recently married, and I choose to trust my husband. I was cheated on by every partner before him and my confidence and trust were at 0 with men when we met. Nothing has been discussed as off limits because when you feel respect and trust between you, I don’t know that you need to have that. If he was cuddling a friend while watching a movie I’d feel uncomfortable (and livid!) and would tell him why. On that basis I anticipate he wouldn’t do that because even if he didn’t agree, he respects my boundaries and prioritises our relationship. Don’t get me wrong, he’s definitely crossed some lines a couple of times eg went out with an ex who he’s friends with which I was fine with, but rolled home after midnight which I was not, but we live and we learn and we discuss. That said, if my discomfort was broad and often and put a lot of socialising activity under scrutiny then I think it puts the whole relationship under strain that can’t be sustained. Your SO shouldn’t be the only person you do fun stuff with, but I do think there are some things you save to enjoy together. Hope that helps…

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I have a ton of close guy friends and I spend 1:1 time with them doing “date like” activities. But I also make every effort to have them hang out with my boyfriend when he’s around and they all love him and consider him one of their own friends. My bf does the same for me with his friends of all genders.

I think more than whether or not they do date like activities with a person of the opposite gender, I’d care more about whether they communicate with you openly, tell you everything honestly and change their behavior if needed. If they do this but tell you after, or don’t tell you until you find out - then it’s an issue. If they’re open about it and ask you beforehand and check in to make sure you’re okay with it? I’d trust them.

Are they hiding their friends of the other gender from you? Are they spending time doing date like activities and trying to hide it from you? Are they talking to you openly and respecting your boundaries? Those are the questions I’d ask myself if I were you

Fwiw here are our boundaries:
- don’t cuddle
- don’t sleep in the same bed
- don’t live with just another girl (we’re long distance and young so still have roommates)
- if you wanna visit one of your friends that’s a woman and lives far away, let me know first
- if it ever feels like something is brewing romantically with someone else, you tell me

And the same goes the other way

My boyfriend can do most of the above non-sexually/romantically, which I know is confusing to people, but it’s similar to how people live in communes and he kinda has that energy/way of approaching life. I had to set the boundaries and we both agreed that those are perfectly reasonable.

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