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All replies here deal with logistics and biologics of child care from the perspective of parents. Important points worth considering.
Speaking from the perspective of the child, I'd like to urge that you deeply, seriously and (brutally) honestly consider whether you would like to have a child. And why...
Feeling unsure about parenting skills is understandable, but feeling unsure about wanting a child and then bringing them into this world anyway is not fair to the child. Any hesitation and/or resentment and/or regret associated with the decision will permeate the relationship and, eventually, be sensed by the child.
Also, its easy to misunderstand the reasons for wanting a child. Not all reasons are equal and some reasons may not be in the best interest of the child.
In my opinion, reasons such as improving bonds between parents, reducing emptiness in life etc. are driven by the interests of the parents themselves and not the child. If a child is needed to improve bonds, then they weren't very strong to begin with and might point to underlying issues which would be a good idea to address before having a child. Please don't bring in a child to deal with existing problems; they are not a solution/resource/option, they are thinking and feeling people.
Similarly, giving a shit about society or going for a child to satiate the norms of society is a disgusting reason. Points to the fact that parents don't REALLY want a child and, therefore, are submitting to society, choosing to pass off the burden of unwantedness to the child.
Generativity is a good enough reason for a child in my opinion. This is probably the reason I connect with most, emotionally and intellectually.
Very hard hitting. Absolutely true for people wanting to bring up a family.
Bowl Leader
Though I'm not married but being forced to do soon.
I believe you don't need to plan everything.
Sometimes, just let it flow. Right time you'll know the right thing.
You can remain child free, but need to question yourself is it due to the fact that you like your independence and don't want to take additional responsibilities?
Please note that once you cross a certain age raising child will be difficult when you are near 40 and your kid is only 5 yr old..that way you will be under pressure to sustain your earnings and living
Yes, I like my independence to plan vacations without thinking about school holidays, waking up late, more savings, reasonably clean home, me time and the quiet ...love the quiet environment :)
Same herr OP, married for more than 5 years. We both have decided not to have kids. Gives both of enough independence, more savings and reduces the need to keep working after sizeable savings.
After all it’s your choice , but remaining child free bcoz you want a carefree life may not last too much ..... after some years the two of you may need something or someone in your life ...... it’s old fashioned .... but I have seen child increases the bond and you have something to look forward to and bind you together ..... and later it will not be safe to have your own biologically and also too late for adoption ..... bcoz at 40+ it’s more difficult to manage a baby then at 20+ or 30+
Its completely your choice. It's your life and you can lead it the way you want and same applies to your spouse. There is no guarantee that the child will increase the bonding and it all depends on you both as individuals. Yes something that you both will to a common goal. This decision is something that the effect or defect will be known much later in life, when you have limited or no options. So you can take can take your time and I assume you are still in your 20s. If you are not what I have assumed, then the decision you want to make could be faster. Let me end by again saying, it's your life and you can lead it the way you want it.
Go for it. Reasons -
1. It's your choice. Nobody should force you
2. There is no guarantee child will improve family bond. Infact he or she can turn out to be your biggest headache and take away all the peace
3. Your freedom will be gone for ever. Your savings will vanish at a rapid pace
4. No matter how much your husband supports, you as a mother and wife will have a horrid time for 2-3 years at a minimum
Think through! Reasons
1. Presumably lot of pressure from both sets of parents (who will suddenly claim their reason to live is to see the face of a grandchild) and society / relatives
2. As you grow older you may find a vacancy or incompleteness in your family and may regret you should have gone for a baby. But that time it might be too late!
So like a client, choice is your once you draw up both side of the story!
I was you 12 months back but after our 4th anniversary everything changed. So give it a year or 2 and then decide, till then enjoy.