{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "What are your views on becoming a mom? Did you ever think about having kids?\n", "post_id": "6139b74fd34a7b00294e0a63", "reply_count": 92, "vote_count": 7, "bowl_id": "59e88be7e2808e00149b0443", "bowl_name": "Women In Consulting" }

What are your views on becoming a mom? Did you ever think about having kids?

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I have really mixed feelings on this. I have never been eager to have a child, and have never really loved children. My nieces are adorable and being around them makes me want to engage with them and try to impact their lives, but they are also annoying and a lot of tedious work. I’m married to a wonderful man who I know will be a great dad but sort of sees kids as I do - on one hand, what a great demonstration of our love, what a meaningful project. On the other - we love our life and marriage and all the changes this will bring are scary, will absolutely at times be very unpleasant, and potentially not “worth it”. Idk. It’s hard. But I’ve had some discussions with people I really respect about children and it is almost always “there is nothing in my life that has fulfilled me more”, and when I think about my life it’s hard to imagine life and especially holidays in my 50s and 60s without adult children. Mostly, I am really afraid of the inevitable loosing of my life for first few years and the potential damage to my marriage. But I think it’s probably worth it.

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That's true. It's a big decision

This is confusing to me. 1. Society doesn't support mothers enough. Career implications, lifestyle implications, financial implications, etc. 2. Your partner has to be present and invested in all the ways to contribute 50%. 3. Climate change. Are we really bringing children into a good world? Maybe other generations have thought this too. Maybe some of our kids will help move towards meaningful solutions (I am hopeful), our kids will be civically engaged. That said, I oscillate but I overall want children. I want to be able to enjoy seeing their personality and development and equip them to chase their dreams, reach their potential. I know many days it'll be more about changing gross diapers and dealing with their moods, etc but overall sounds like beautiful memories and gratifying. (Saying this as I reflect on things with my own mom.)

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Aww that’s beautiful. I support you fully

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I have no interest in becoming a mom; I have never wanted kids. I don't like them and have no inclination to have them; my husband feels the same way. For example, the first time I asked my doctor if it would be possible to get a hysterectomy, I was about 13 yo. I've spent my whole life with people telling me everything will change when my biological clock starts ticking; I'm about to turn 34 and it still hasn't happened, and I wish people would just stop acting like they know what my future is or that I have to change because it's what they would do. I love my childfree life, and will never give this up.

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I’m getting married in the spring and everyone keeps asking when we plan on having children. Meanwhile my fiancé and I BOTH don’t want children.

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I can’t wait!! I really dream of this, absolutely can’t wait! I was the only child and lost my mum so early so the idea of having my own family is so appealing, I’ve got so much love to give and will pour all of that into my children.

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That’s so touching. Thanks for sharing!

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I personally don’t want to sacrifice my body but am open to adoption or surrogacy! I also now understand the magnitude of being a parent so definitely has to be with the right person

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I love my body the way it is and I want to maintain it😊

When I was a child/teenager, I never dreamed of having kids like most of my friends did. Now that I’m in my late 20s I realize it meant that I’ve just never wanted them and I’m more sure of it every day. Thankfully my partner’s sister just had a baby and I’m really enjoying being an aunt! It’s so beautiful to see a baby being wanted and loved by their parents, which I think every child deserves.

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Aww that’s true! I will think about adoption maybe in the future as there are many kids around the world living in a condition you and I couldn’t even imagine

#teamnokids over here. I just don’t want the disruption and responsibility that comes along with kids. I LOVE being an aunt and getting to hang out with my nieces and nephews and friends’ kids and then am happy to return home the next day to a quiet house!

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Nah, we need to set better expectations for people in our lives. If I say I’m not having kids because it’s a decision I made, no stranger, friend, or frankly anybody outside of my SO gets to question that. Full stop. My uterus, my decision and people need to respect it at face value. I’m so over feeling shamed because I don’t want to.

likeuplifting

It’s fine if it’s not for you, it’s fine if it is. Some thoughts from mom of two, soon to be three: 1. Yeah pregnancy is a pain in the ass. Mostly I miss wine. But you bounce back quickly if you care about exercise and eating vaguely healthy. It does suck if you have sickness, exhaustion, etc at work… despite asking for help I’ve always seen this impact my career negatively. Hopefully temporary but still frustrating 2. Honestly I think life would get pretty boring over time without kids. I once heard someone say “there are only so many restaurants you can go to or so many trips you can take.” For me I definitely needed something more. 3. Kids do come with risks… my husbands cousin had her baby get leukemia and nearly die. She survived thanks to some wildly experimental medical studies she participated in. But it’s not clear if she’ll be “normal” having gone through this as a baby. Or your kid could be a serial killer, who knows 4. Yes global warning and overpopulation worry me. Then again I bet parents during WWI didn’t feel great about the future of the world either. Or the Middle Ages, yikes 5. The good news is that humans are generally pretty good at rationalizing their choices so hopefully you’ll convince yourself it’s all good either way. “You’re only as happy as you make up your mind to be”

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Haha love the vaguely healthy eating tip🤣That’s very insightful

I never sat around and thought about being a mom or having kids, but on the other hand am from a large family (as is my husband) so also knew I would have children “when I was ready”. As it turned out, that was at age 35, had my twins at the age of 36. We had been married for many years so got to play out 10+ years of traveling, working hard, and getting financially stable and then I was ready. Don’t let ppl scare you by saying your clock starts ticking at age 30, that just is not true. I could have been okay with 0, 1, or 2 kids and God gave us twins- very unexpected but also perfect! You do what seems right for you and don’t worry about what society expects.

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That’s reassuring. I don’t want to feel like I was forced into this.

I would love to be a mom (given that my partner is ready to take on 50% and more of the parenting/housework), but I do not want to be pregnant, because it sounds traumatic and painful. I hope surrogacy is more common by the time I want kids (5 years…) otherwise adoption is definitely the answer, though it can be very difficult too.

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I thought about it. Given how climate change is mirroring a show I saw as a kid, I’d feel a little guilty about bringing a child into this world.

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Same!!

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Have 1 kid and planning for a second. It’s tough but it also changes your world view and priorities like nothing else. Pre-kids, I was career focused and spent long hours at work. Post-baby, work is no longer my number 1 priority. I also became ruthlessly efficient with my time and am amazed at how I can accomplish similar things in far less time simply because I enforce my boundaries and my firm respects it.

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That’s a very interesting angle! Thanks for sharing

Literally have wanted to be a mom since I could understand what that concept was. Of course it’s a sacrifice, but I don’t see how I could live my life without kids. Currently 28, will probably aim to have kids in next 3-5 years.

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My rational side thinks that if I want a child in this fckdup world, I should adopt to take care of a soul that needs and deserves a good life like any other human being. My heart on the other hand melts every time I see the niece of my husband. TBH, It is a constant dilemma in my head and heart. I won’t plan to have/adopt a child until I’m sure of it.

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I feel you!

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32 with an amazing life partner and have never felt a desire or interest in having kids beyond societal pressure. Going through egg freezing now to cover my bases.

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Indeed. It’s a good investment

Some of the happiest couples I know are those who decided not to have children. They can pursue their interests, be moody, tired, travel, dine, etc without the constant reminders that their lives are not their own.

likeuplifting

Yes, but only with the right partner

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I feel it’s a bit sacrifice. Both physically and career wise. Why men don’t have this function?!

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I always was ambivalent until I met my husband. I definitely want them with him. Unfortunate we’ve had two miscarriages, but we’re still hopeful. I want to be pregnant and give birth. Even with all the potential complications, it seems like part of experiencing the miracle of making life. If we can’t have kids, we won’t have a surrogate or adopt. My parents adopted by brother and I know it’s something I could not handle. Yes, you never know how your kid you have biologically will turn out, but I think people believe too much in nurture when it comes to the nature vs nurture debate.

likeuplifting

Aha I see what you mean now. Thanks for explaining this. I didn’t know people who experienced this so I didn’t realize it can go this way!

So, on my one hand: - Pregnancy freaks me out: maybe if dudes carried the baby to term I would feel differently about a tiny leach feasting on my insides of 9 months - The world is on fire: dk that I want to biologically add to those impacts - Toddlers are tiny dictators and I’m not sure I’m up for 24/7 with baby Stalin - Finances - I don’t think we go through life unscathed: whether that’s being hurt or inadvertently hurting others. It is rough to think about the ways my own callousness and shortcomings might unexpectedly impact a child. … That rules me out for biological children, on the fence about adopting in a hypothetical stable future, but in the meantime I am happy to play a supporting role where I can give my friends’ kids extra love and support - I think it is always helpful for kids to have adults who believe in them outside of their parents.

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Baby Stalin 😂

I am not eager to be a mom and I do not want kids. I get told I will “grow out of it” or that I’ll never know “true love.” Im sure I’m being selfish in ways but I’m ok with it. Not everyone is meant to be a parent. I’m barely mentally stable as it is. I can’t imagine bringing a child into this world.

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Sc1 my thoughts exactly

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