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Who let the ducks out
Wanted to share smth I found recently. I felt like it was pretty darn accurate. I’ll provide the link here but there’s a screenshot I took that I feel I can relate to quite heavily. https://pairedlife.com/love/infatuations
I’ve struggled with so many heavy infatuations before and a friend recommended this. Hope it helps anyone else out there who’s gone through this or may be going through this right now.
Additional Posts in Confession
I have no problem lying to get what I want
And go to sleep it’s Monday tomorrow 🥹
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Not being cared for by parents made me realize that the only one interested in my progress has to be myself. Made me change from one of the low performers in my class to the top performer
Where’s the “care” response as featured on LinkedIn
dad was overtly critical - developed low self esteem. now on the path to re-parenting myself. my mom is a such a gem tho. Wanna be like her haha
Pro
Hey Deloitte 2, I don't have kids. For me the compassion started with becoming the same age that my mom was when she had me. (Spoiler alert it was pretty young)
I couldn't imagine being her age and raising a young child. Attending therapy gave me the courage to start asking questions about her childhood and start having candid conversations with her and my grandma.
I started to see how my mom could be easily influenced by her abusive partner and why she would be so committed to someone who treated her (and I) so poorly. I also saw how my grandmother's childhood influenced how she was as a parent to my Mom.
I don't think therapy was talked about so positively during older generations. (Remember Freudian therapy used to be OG psychological treatment which isn't super effective compared to other treatments) There also wasn't as much understanding about family systems and dynamics back then the way there is now. Alcoholism, sexual abuse/assault, depression, PTSD, etc weren't openly discussed until more recently. I think that's important to remember as well. I'm sorry about the situation with your Dad. It's great that you have the self-awareness to want better for yourself and your family. I think it's natural to grieve what-could-have-been.
"If things had been better, imagine how much better your life could have been" type of thinking is a dangerous trap to fall into because it's easy to idolize something that never happened. Give yourself credit for what you've achieved and what you're working on achieving.
Pro
Physical and emotional parental abuse, bullied for being poor. In my 30s and currently unwinding the current effects of that trauma on my everyday life.
Same phyaical and emotional parental abuse. I’ve been single all my life and I’m in my mid 30. I’m too traumatic of having any relationships after seeing my parents fragile relationship. I’ve drown myself into work and my side hussles.
My father was murdered when I was young so my mom was left without a provider after coming to this country without anyone else or any education and we struggled with money. Hence, money hungry work ethic
My dad (who grew up poor) always said that he’d rather be rich and unhappy over poor and unhappy — can’t really dispute that
Pro
Never fitting in- probably try too hard to make sure my team is happy.
Enthusiast
Wow. I feel like this hit me like a truck. Same 😪😥
Rising Star
Not having an affectionate and caring mother has made me cold and detached from most ppl. I cant take or leave anyone.
Rising Star
I appreciate what I hope were kind words BDM. Lol I love, I just dont have an issue cutting off toxicity as soon as its shown. Too many ppl deal with drama because of history or blood ties, and I simply dont. My original comment shouldve said can take or leave. Not cant.
Community Builder
Parents are extremely critical - I always worked for his approval. Now, I feel that I should win approvals of people that I am dating! (I should convince them to be with me).
And, I keep meeting the wrong people
Enthusiast
I was emotionally neglected as a child and built up the need to win approval from my parents and potential partners as well. Horrible cycle. Just know that you don’t have to do tap dances and backflips for ANYONE to see your worth. Your worth is a silent grace that radiates off of you - If someone can’t see it, that is THEIR problem.
Chief
I was a poor immigrant living in a white suburb in south Jersey. Got bullied all the time by those racist kids and their parents. Taught me to stand my ground and be stubborn.
Enthusiast
Idk where you live now, but I’m over the bridge in Delaware if you wanna be friends 😁
Enthusiast
Getting rejected when I was 12 made me never ask a girl out ever again
Also watching my parents struggle in poverty made me make sure I was always financially stable
Enthusiast
I remember being heartbroken and rejected when I was 15 and it hurt a lot. However, you just gotta try and understand that you’ll be rejected way more often than not. You’re on the right track though. Work on yourself and learn to be happy on your own, and the right person will come along if you just put yourself out there :)
Didn't receive love and guidance from parents - idk what I'm effing doing and when I have kids I'm going to be the most effing doting helpful mom. My kids gonna have an llc for their lemonade stand and have applied for all the scholarships and completed girl scouts 😳😳
Same 👏🏼
Unwanted at birth followed by years of abuse on both sides. Became scapegoat child of narcissistic parents and siblings. In hindsight, I lucked out. I did better than any of them because they taught me how not to be. Never trusted anyone until my wife. Hated being dependent on anyone especially having one boss so I started own business and became financially independent. Broke the pattern of abuse with my own family.
Thank you
Pro
That it didn’t matter who was really right or wrong because the rules were set by whoever held the cane. Above all, it taught me to hate bullies.
Grew up with single mom, abandoned by dad, struggled a lot. Made me work harder to never be broke. It also affected my personality, insecure, not confident so worked hard but always had that doubt in my mind “not good enough” so I didn’t live up to my maximum potential. Due to abandonment issues, settled for first guy that I fell in love with who turned out to be just like my dad maybe worse.
Yeah it sucks….but if you look on the bright side there were a lot of lessons learned this way I can help others not fall into the same pattern. Luckily I have boys who have a father in their life. Even though we’ll get divorced their father plays a significant role in their lives. I strive everyday to make them feel important, loved, wanted and remind them that our divorce is not their fault. I also let them know how amazing they are to not just me but to the world!
Rising Star
Having fought my depression/anxiety battles with minimal to no support/understanding is precisely the reason why I’m currently undergoing training for a mental health peer volunteer role.
Conversation Starter
I got bullied a lot and I permanently seek people's approval now
Same. I’m so dependent on getting approval from everyone around me at work and in my personal life. I know it’s not healthy but idk how to change.
Hmm childhood trauma: being made fun of and getting bullied; immigrant chubby kid not fitting in; moving around because of financial instability
Adult goals: work hard to be better than the average person and save $$ in case of a bad time
I think there’s a thread of low self-esteem and insecurity tied into the need to be better/best. The need for acceptance and people pleasing is always taking a toll on my mental health.
Rising Star
During my teenage years, there was a ton of trauma from my disabled brother, who was given a life expectancy of 20. There was a ton of stress around the situation on all fronts, but most notably are the times when he had life threatening seizures and the times that he'd go into schizophrenic episodes randomly and would literally attempt to kill me. This has really fractured our family - my parents got divorced and aren't on good terms, and the members of my immediate family are airways fighting - I am usually the only one on talking terms with everyone.
While I have a good amount of fringe friends and acquaintances, I find it really hard to get close to people. It's something I've worked on a lot, but I do struggle with sometimes. I also used to be very paranoid, would have a hard time regulating my emotions, couldn't set and didn't understand healthy boundaries, and lived with extreme guilt, but a combination of life experience and my brothers situation improving helped significantly in those areas.
I’m glad that your brothers situation improved and that things are better for you. My husband has two disabled brothers and the third one passed away. One of them is a schizophrenic and I’ve witnessed a lot of what you mentioned, it’s not easy at all. The entire family is dysfunctional. One of the reasons I stayed in my marriage was because I was his backbone. That’s a whole other story but seriously seek counseling. You need to address these traumatizing events so that you’re able to move on and live a healthy life.
Pro
I was on a reality show; now my performance reviews describe me as “cut throat”
Rising Star
Onyeka? 😳😍😍
Enthusiast
Mom was murdered, father overdosed shortly after. We were 4 year olds and were in the house 3 days before the neighbors called the police.
KPMG4 - huge respect and hats off to your adoptive parents. Lots of love to you !!
Chief
I was bullied a lot for my weight but also hypersexualized as a kid. I never received any male romantic attention. That turned me into a late bloomer adult who was dependent on male validation and used hookup culture to feel attractive/worthy