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1. The ability to graduate with no student loans
2. Living near a major city so I had somewhere to live while looking for a job
3. Making sure that I knew how to fail growing up. I wasn’t the best athlete but they never pressured me into doing more than I wanted to. I loved swimming, was decent but not the best and that was ok by them as long as I did my best (no need to get me into 5 am practices if it made me miserable)
That’s totally fair. My parents said that if I wanted to pursue music (something I was actually very good at) they would have paid for my schooling but ONLY instate programs or private school of o had enough scholarships to make it cost the same. I chose to study Econ and went to private school.
Best thing my parents did for my sister and I:
1. Always showed affection and attention for us
2. Made themselves available to listen
3. Balanced parent and friend role
4. READ TO US ALWAYS
5. Took us to bookstores and libraries weekly
6. Took us to museums almost every Friday
7. Nurtured our interests with art/science classes
8. Encouraged foreign language learning
9. Did NOT give us a curfew (We weren’t given free reign to ‘run the streets’, if we were truthful about details and who we’d be with they were happy to give us appropriate freedom. It helped me determine what was going to get approved before I even asked. Probably a huge reason many people I know were pot and pill heads in high school and I wasn’t.)
10. Didn’t give us everything, but were generous
11. Taught us to share and treat others as we wanted to be treated
12. Told us our jobs were school, encouraged excellence
Similar experience as SA1, wanted to add
1. my parents gave me trust and support to fall back on which gave me the confidence to explore (both physically and mentally) and grow my independence
2. they were as non-judgemental as they could be and everything could be discussed
Paid someone to take the SAT for me
I mean that’s Hollywood
Taught me about investing in stocks and real estate while I was still in HS. Rich dad poor dad was a good book for the basics and easy for a HS student to breeze through. I have plenty of friends who make a lot more than me, but thanks to those lessons I’ll be able to retire by 50 if I want
Great ideas. I bet even my middle schooler would love Rich Dad, Poor Dad. She has an american girl money book she has read 3 times when she was 9 and asks lots of questions.
What my family did for me is impeccable.
I come from a family background where my dad wasn't making enough when I was a kid. Everytime I asked for something, it was denied or delayed for an year or two, but it was fulfilled. I never knew that point in time the reason behind it. I used to commute to my school which was 12kms (7.4 miles) far on my cousin's bike which he had left for me. During summer, my skin used to burn not just because of sun, but because of pollution, dust as there was no proper approach road available. I used to think that my life would be like that for the rest of my life.
My mother, being a strong women used to be very frustrated because of less money to run the house. I, being notorious used to fail in 12 out of 13 subjects. She used to teach me after coming back from school, she taught me till my high school. She invested so much of her time on me, but I never really cared. She grew old, yet she concurred those complex mathematics and helped me understand topics. My mother never got pretty clothes so that she could get me things. At times when I demanded different colored jeans, I used to get them very next morning. By the time I gained my senses, it was late.
My dad, when he was serving my country, he used to be home once in 6 months for a week. Being in rural area, we hardly used to have 2-3 hours of electricity. My hero, my dad used to borrow car batteries from my neighbours so that I could study at night. He made sure that I do not lack in any aspects of my growing terms being it arts, studies, sports or my leisure demand. I always used to think, I could survive without him in this world. Now when I'm facing this tough world, it makes me think everyday the sacrifices he made for me, how tough he had to be for the world to get me things I wanted.
Things were never ever easy for me.
I got hold of myself. I started crushing all my examinations, believed in myself, because they believed in me. They always told me I could achieve what I want, when I want. They supported me through time, in conditions where others would have given up. They made me stronger and brought me where I'm today. I can't thank them enough every single time whenever I think about them.
like this if you read D4’s whole post
One older single dad I know whose daughter has done very well has taken the position that if he provided everything for her, she would have high expectations of herself, her career, her husband and so on and would be unlikely to settle for less than what she had in life. It seems to have worked for them. She is a successful nurse, married a cop, no debt, beautiful home and wealth accumulated and they are happy. They'll retire early according to her plan right now. They didn't live extravagantly, but she never had to worry about anything and has such a good head on her shoulders. She was independent early on in life, had a plan, lived the plan. This is counter to what I always thought... you should teach someone that they have to work for things so that they know how. It's made me question how much of a leg up and how much do you sacrifice for that leg up...do you give and when and for what. I want the kids to know how to hustle and be hungry, but also want to provide advantages like not saddling them with student debt.
That's been my view as well. That my job is to prepare them to live independent of me one day.
They taught me about finances, exposed me to new places & people, and taught me that the things you own aren't that important compared to what you experience. They also instilled the importance of helping others through volunteer work, social impact trips, etc.
We were given an allowance through childhood but we had to balance a checkbook and wrote checks to our parents in order to use it. My parents made me read Rich Dad Poor Dad in High School and then had me take an online class on credit cards. They also helped us establish credit scores in high school by opening up joint credit accounts and having us buy household items and groceries. When I turned 18, they opened up a retirement account and my gift was money in an account I couldn't touch. They also helped with college so I graduated debt free.
Despite being upper middle class, they placed more value on experiences and travel over tangible items. We thrift shopped, used coupons, and drove used cars until they were useless. In return, I visited most of the US, many countries and did all sorts of fun activities as a family before 18. This has stuck with me - I buy things that last and spend the rest on adventures! I have so many wonderful memories from my life and am so happy my parents chose to invest in that and instill this mindset in me.
Based on the discussion around loans I’m assuming you’re based in the US, so: Send them abroad early. I went to Germany for a year in high school, loved it and ended up doing college in Europe - wonderful experience, lots of international friends and no student loans
I have done the reverse and can only say the same
If I ever made a big mistake and I was honest with my parents they helped me figure out a game plan to resolve the issue instead of punishing me. They didn’t fix my problems for me, but I always had them there to guide me.
Yup and to build on this, my parents were always accepting of my mistakes. (While clarifying that repeated mistakes aren’t mistakes) To this day, I’m grateful and confident from knowing I have a strong support system, am more honest with my parents, and also willing to move past and learn from my own mistakes.
Made me learn a second language (spoke Chinese at home, sent me to Chinese school).
Believed in me and instilled a sense that I could accomplish anything I set my mind to.
Took me to a church where I made a lot of close older friends who mentored me and talked to me about things my parents didn’t know anything about (consulting industry, for example)
1. Gave me a sense of appreciation for what I have AND work ethic by expecting me to earn the things I wanted. This means chores as a little kid, part time job as a teenager, & job while I lived at home while going to school. This made me value what I earned and take care of it, as well as understand what the real world is like—You don’t get something for nothing.
My cousins, who were given any toy/gift/thing they screamed for since being a kid, grew up to be self entitled shits who still mooch off my aunt & uncle.
2. Ability to live at home in college - less student debt
3. Confidence that I can always figure things out / think critically on how to solve a problem or accomplish my goals. They didn’t fight my battles for me, but always asked “so what are the steps you need to take to get to where you want to”. They would offer guidance but it allowed me to develop skills to think for myself, rather than expect someone to solve it for me or tell me what to do. This is the biggest gift I can think of. So many people grow up being told exactly what to do that they don’t develop the skills to think for themselves
Financial stability (I.e no student loans), freedom to make my own mistakes and learn from them no matter how hard it was for my parents to watch because a. They always had my back if it got to that point and b. I've learned the most from my own mistakes and finally never restricting my dreams and instilling the fact that no dream is too big, if I said I wanted to be a dancer, dance classes right away, if I wanted to bake cakes, cake decorating set right away, I wasn't ever told something was silly or stupid, and I really appreciate that cuz now I have a lot of hobbies that keep me sane while working this job, and I still don't believe this job defines my career per say
Probably the best/worst thing they did was not set boundaries on what I could or couldn’t do. Not like run around punching people or being a dick but on what I’d shoot for. Led to some big Ls but growing up learning you can fail and be ok has helped me immensely. It also gave me a “eyes up” kind of approach to life that’s served be pretty well.
I think being able and willing to help/talk about anything also helped a lot.
Financial tips for kids attached as an image.
But on a separate serious note, make your middle childs experiences also a big deal. I know youll be excited about your first one being your first experience and your baby one being your last experience, but remember us middle kids!!
The middle child thing especially - we can likely still work on financial literacy.
Taught me be how to be resourceful, independent, and instilled a hard work ethic.
Also, more specifically, enrolled me into an accelerated track when I was in elementary school, which helped me take a lot of AP’s in high school. Made college a lot easier.
I grew up with two sisters. There are many things my parents did for me, I am particularly thankful for these:
1. Developed sense of freedom and independence.
2. Never made us feel that our gender could limit our options, instead always encouraged best performance at school, in behavior and how we treat others.
3. Made us believe that they are our safety net, if things went wrong inspite of our best efforts.
Helped us form goals but pushed us to achieve them ourselves.
Talked openly about finances and saving.
Lived near a major city.
Sent us to one of the top public schools in the country.
Focused on learning and work ethic over grades.
Cut us off financially as soon as possible, but paid for university so we didn’t start our career with debt.
Teach them about money. What it’s worth, how not to spend more than you have and live within a budget.
Ok here's another thing: redshirting. Not the Star Trek red shirt, but the other one.
Would you purposefully have a child during a certain month or hold them back so they were older than their classmates, irrespective of their maturity and ability to set them apart?
Agree with SC2, it helps in sports. And being good at sports, especially if a boy, can be a big boost to self esteem. My kids all happened to be at the older end of their age group and were generally very good athletes, one got a D1 scholarship. But I wouldn’t hold back just for that.
Put me in so many different classes: ballet, basketball, piano lessons, gymnastics, plays at camp and school — I became a serious basketball player and focused on that. My dad came to all my high school basketball games after my parents separated and I thought he was so lame, but am happy when I think about it now. He passed away when I was 21.
Don’t let your kids push you away. Be involved. They’ll thank you later. Life is short. :)