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Transactional. It’s an enormous, time wasting game, and everyone involved is a self important prick, but it’s sort of fun. The seller puts a bunch of documents in the deal room, but not the ones that would actually help. The seller’s specialists and corporate lawyers and bankers look through it all and cringe, but secretly resent the douche bag sellers, who aren’t particularly smart, but are going to make millions from the deal. Whichever side has more leverage churns out a form from an unrelated deal and industry and throws it over the wall to the other team and pretends it’s not horse shit. The buyer’s team mirrors the seller’s and looks through it all and bites their collective tongues about the shit show the seller is peddling. Lots of swirling and drama back and forth as the teams take turns lobbing the turd of an agreement back and forth usually at inconvenient times to fuck with the other side (associates on both sides cry, binge eat and complain on fishbowl). The corporate people on the same teams ignore their own specialists and set the turd on fire—somehow making the garbage worse. All of this is meaningless because the seller is in love with the buyer and won’t believe a word of diligence or caution—doesn’t own the IP—patent lawyers are uncool; had a data breach—who hasn’t?; sellers defrauded last buyers and stiffed the VC guys—misunderstood. Rinse, repeat, handwring. Both sides tell the insurance company nothing needs to go on the disclosure schedules. Everybody agrees to fix all the compliance issues after the deal is closed. Everybody forgets all about it. Buyer tires of toy minutes after it’s acquired and sticks it on the shelf because there’s a new, better shiny toy just out of reach right before Christmas. Everyone whines and complains about everything, but they are so much cooler than you.
Spot on! Add in unrealistic timelines, in-house lawyers who take the “first crack” at drafting to keep costs down but end up costing the company more when outside counsel needs to re-do everything, and bankers scheduling daily check-in calls 😂
Chief
It is transactional. It can be a form of litigation, similar to the way that there can be real estate litigation, but that isn’t the primary practice area