What do you do about mean girls? My daughter (11- going into 6th) keeps having this girl make her feel like sh** in group text. Should I show the girl's mom's these messages? Other than saying my daughter shouldnt be around this person, is there anything I should do?

I read the texts and heard the stories - this girl just is rude and insecure and clearly has a thing for my daughter.

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I have a daughter same age, same problems. Honestly what has been most effective is working with her to how to respond to this behavior(or not respond) and just work on her self worth. The one thing that has been effective for her is to just simply ask this person: why are you being mean to me? Why are you treating me this way? Bullies at this age don’t like to be called out. Teaching that assertiveness alone has really helped my daughter. Good luck- I know it hurts a mamas heart but all we can control is ours. ❤️

likeuplifting

I like this response. Definitely empower your daughter to stand up for herself (sadly, as an adult woman, I still deal with bullying and I’m not assertive because my mom taught me to “always be nice”).

Also, I would reach out to the school and the parents.

I recently read a horrible story about a kid who got bullied… so if this were my kid, I would do everything in my power to stop this.

Also, kudos to you, mom, for checking in and making sure your daughter is ok.

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Every parent should be made aware if their child is bullying or acting inappropriately on social media/texts.
It takes a village! It really does!

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I use BARK and found out my daughter’s friend was being bullied by a group of 6th grade girls. I sent it to the school social worker.

Another time, my daughter sent me a video that had been sent around school of a popular girl being surrounded by the other popular girls confronting her because she was sliding into another popular girl’s boyfriends DM’s. This was at recess, 7th grade.

I can tell you, parents say they want to know, but they don’t really want to know.

We talk every day about surrounding yourself with kind and generous of spirit people. I tell them, the only thing they can do is control themselves and stand up for themselves. Most of the time, you find entitled parents who are modeling this behavior. It’s sad and disturbing.

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Someone was mean to my son. Really mean. I wrote the school and the teachers and told them the school was failing to do their job in protecting their students. I threatened to bring lawsuits (honestly I don’t even know on what grounds)..I demanded the school to contact the student’s parents. Everything stopped! Several months later, my son and the kid became friends lol don’t allow anyone to make your daughter feel this way. Allow her to resolve but at this age, it’s totally okay for you to interfere and make it rifht too.

likehelpful

Please teach your daughter to stand up for herself! Role play situations and equip her with the words and phrases she can use. My parents did not teach me these skills and I was relentlessly bullied. It sucked.

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We have been doing this and other than saying why are you mean, some of the comebacks are also mean.

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I have told my daughter from day one of social interactions. When someone is mean to you, they are telling the world they are damaged.
You have to respectful however you don’t have to be their friend or try. You do not have to be damaged by them. Choose to remove yourself from situations involving them.
Everyone that mistreats you in your journey is giving you life lessons on how not to be.
She is so very accepting of herself and others as a 16 year old now and wants to work with people in a therapy role in the future.

Something about seeing others as multi layered and realizing their actions are a reflection of their story grants us a lens to see why the mean girl is expressing all the negative emotions.
And be grateful our hearts are happy and we can share our light and love.

likesmart

kill em with kindness.. unless someone touches her. then violence. but that's just my opinion lol im so sorry

likefunny

I didn't think I was a bully, but I was making fun of a kid on my bus when I was younger, probably around 5th grade. His mom told my mom about it and she sat me down for a talk. I felt horrible and NEVER did that kind of thing again. Sometimes talking to the parent does work. I'd be mortified if i saw this behavior in my own child and we would take the steps to stop it.

likesmarthelpful

At school I deal w kids who are being bullied or harassed in person or on media sites. It’s tough. Often I focus my work building assertiveness skills versus trying to convince them to block toxic peers or ‘stay away’. Kids have a hard time w this. When kids have assertiveness skills, they’re better equipped to handle these situations. IMO

Good for you for checking your daughters phone. I would notify parents for a couple reasons; many/most parents have no idea what their child/ren posts on social media or what they wrote in their texts w peers. This would give parents a heads up and allow them to get their child help for bullying. Parents can’t help their children navigate these relationships appropriately if they do t know what’s going on.

In our neighbor, when my boys were growing up, us adults would never hesitate to rat out another kid on the block. Did this happen w my kids? It sure did. I took every parent concern seriously. My kids knew there were eyes on them at all times as did all the neighborhood kids 👀. Different times for sure!

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I would let parents know before the school does.

And those saying mean girls happening and brushing it off is why we have jerk kids.

likesmart

I would not let my kid in the bedroom at night with their phones. Make rules so they don’t have it on after 8 pm or something. They can keep getting texts at 2 am and honestly it’s not good for them.

Also yes speak to their mom, make screenshots and send them to your phone and show them to her so she knows what’s going on. Call the school and they need to be aware. Also tell the kid she has the right to block her from her contacts and reassure them that they can always talk to you for anything they need.

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I would tell the other parent as well as letting her teachers know what is going on. I would want to know if my child was bullying another kid. When my daughter was in middle school the teachers kept tabs on these types of social situations (they even had a daily meeting to make sure they were on top of things and made classroom adjustments if needed). I would also let your daughter know that she did the right thing telling you and encourage her to keep open communication with you. My oldest had a group of bullies and they were relentless for a few weeks until she came to us and we put a stop to it. The girls were sending horrible text messages and calling her saying awful things. We started to screen shot everything and my husband put an app on her phone that recorded calls coming in, and also started to answer her phone at night and on the weekends. One Saturday these girls were having a get together and called. My husband answered and the lead girl said some very inappropriate things to my husband. Since it was recorded he immediately called her mother and played the recording for her. Never had a problem with any of the girls again.

I honestly wish they would rework the middle school structure somehow. Even though my daughter was not a bully she definitely thought she was a big deal and much older than she really was (as did most of the girls). I remember she was so cocky in 8th grade and the first day of high school her and all her friends thought that would continue, until the first day. We drove to the high school and she said "boy there are alot of teachers here". I laughed and told her those were students and she suddenly realized how small she really was. It also helped that the senior girls were over all that middle school crap and did not tolerate it happening to anyone.

likehelpful

I would set boundaries around texting and social media. 11 is too young for group texts, IMO. Make sure your daughter had a strong support system with actual good friends and explain there are just mean girls out there. Make sure she engages in health, self-esteem building activities. My daughter does running and swimming. She’s good at running and has won 5K races but she is terrible at swimming. Yet, she likes it and doesn’t quit because we’ve taught her truly rewarding activities take practice, hard work, and dedication. Group texts are never going to be rewarding. Likes on social media are never going to be rewarding.

likehelpful

VPTA1- yup, you just described assertiveness skills!

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Didn’t even see your reply but yep, agree with everything you said!!! I also take the phones at night and they have to charge on my nightstand at night. We also don’t let phones in bedrooms with the doors closed. My kids have a healthy relationship with their phones and are not glued to them. That is important to try to balance and monitor for us.

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I had this come up when hosting a sleepover for my 9yo. My daughter and her friend were on the receiving end of some really shitty texts, but of course didn't want to point fingers and make anyone defensive.
This is what I sent: Good morning. Seems there's some unfriendly chatter between the girls on tik tok and iMessage. Asked R and E to stand down from further chat and let things cool down. This what I received: Thank you for letting me know. Tik Tok has been removed and M is apologizing to the girls.

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Question - why haven’t you blocked the girl? Also, report the behavior to the school. There are federal laws against bullying to where the kid can be held accountable in school for cyber bullying and such. I also don’t see anything wrong with having a conversation with the other parent, but you will often find that the other parent is just as bad as the child. Best of luck because I deal with the same stuff with my daughters

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I do not agree w the statement that parents are as bad the child, at least based on my experience. I frequently call the perpetrators parents as part of my job (or principal does). More often than not, I find parents are crazy busy and literally had no idea but that they do indeed care. Many are appalled and ask for help. They do get involved. I’m not saying that this is the case for all parents but for most!

Also, most public schools are now out for the summer.

likesmart

Being “crazy busy” to the point that you aren’t monitoring your child nor teaching them any values is a humongous issue. That’s a huge issue. I have a friend like this. Her daughter is such a mean child that she scares others. But my friend is too busy trying to travel everywhere, date online and become a SES to do anything about it. She doesn’t even realize. And countless people have tried to address her daughters behavior. It’s about priorities.

I was bullied as a child and what helped me is to learn how to respond to this. Asking my attacker why she would behave that way, show her that it had no power over me. Once she thought she'd lost her grip, she left me alone.

likehelpful

I saw this the other day and just thought I'd share.

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I’d want to know if my girls were being bullies. Obviously the girl needs some help to deal with her insecurities. Do you know her parent(s) very well?

Also, I agree with the previous poster about building assertiveness skills. Continue to reinforce that it’s ok for her to tell someone what they say or do is not ok with her. Encourage her to stand up for others when she sees that girl be mean to them (that’s often easier than standing up for yourself and can help build the assertiveness muscle).

I’m sorry for your daughter and you. ❤️

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I would sit with her and teach her how to respond. Help her try to fix it instead of fixing for her. It’s very hard to watch this stuff happen but I always tell my 11 year old. Nasty kids grow up to be nasty women , and you have to learn how to deal With it.

likehelpful

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