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I mean, depends what the money is for. Is your SO an immigrant or minority or anything? Sometimes it’s different culturally. I wouldn’t be thrilled about giving money to like fund gambling expenses or parents who are being greedy/unreasonable/asking for stuff all the time. I’ve seen that with some friends where the parents are just deadbeats taking advantage. But my parents took care of me and sacrificed a lot for me my whole life. Like they put off buying a house so my sister and I could get grad degrees (which they helped pay for despite not being able to afford it). We’re first gen. It’s my job to take care of them in their old age and I would pitch a fit if my SO had an issue with that. I wouldn’t be anything without them. They also never ask and would never ask their kids for money, we just give it now sometimes because we can.
I think it’s a really good sign that they are supporting their family. Probably means that they will do the same for the family you build.
Simply giving doesn’t bother me, if they need it. If we’re going without something we need because that money is going to family for something they want (and not needs), I’d probably have an issue then.
I struggle with this. I am the SO who gives money to her Mom. My mother has issues and is irresponsible/horrible with money. It would make my husband mad that I gave her money because he knows how she is. She was always asking for more and more. So he and I came to a compromise. I give a set amount to Mom every month that hubs and I agreed to. Since we are now on the same page about it there is less conflict and less pressure to give in to my mother's demands. At the end of the day, I feel my priority is my family with my husband, but my Mom did alot for me when I was young so it doesn't feel right to not help at all, especially when we have the money.
It depends on the situation. I dated a guy whose parents treated him like an ATM - and this was when he was in full time grad school and not even working full time. But if it was a matter of a family members sincerely needing help - that’s what family is for. Although personally I think my parents would literally rather die than take money from me.
Chief
This is a thing that will vary family to family. And by family I mean the family you and your SO built.
I personally would expect that any money given to my in-laws would be run past me before it happens. We do not give large sums and have drawn that boundary explicitly with each other ahead of time because his parents have a history of asking for “loans” around the larger extended family that they never pay back. We do contribute to college funds for my nephews. If he ever gets niblings I’d be ok doing the same in a 529 account we control.
Depends. If he provides what they need, that’s great and a good sign. If he tells you the budget is tight and then offers to pay for their splurges, that’s a huge red flag and something you need to discuss.
I think it depends a lot on your own family’s financial situation. We have always helped my mother in law out financially. But a couple of years ago, we bought her a house. We are in a position where although we definitely notice that financial outlay, it doesn’t jeopardize our basic financial goals around retirement and paying for kids college. Earlier in our lives, I don’t think I would have been comfortable doing so because I would have seen it as taking $$$ that my kids need.