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I have a deep and abiding hatred of the billable hour and I get almost all my weekends free.
I wanted to be closer to the issues I cared about. I’m a former software engineer (from a long time ago) and I realized I wanted to actually build something instead of just dealing with fires all day in litigation.
I still remember what I said to myself: “I want to stop fighting fires and build better, more interesting houses.” Corny but it’s how I felt.
I also had this surreal moment where the best thing I ever wrote in my life — a giant appellate brief — got me a ton of fanfare at the firm but when the dust settled like 12 months later, what I actually won mattered *zero* in the grand scheme of things (we won, got the trial, then lost on a different issue on appeal). In that moment I felt like a hero, but when I put myself in context, I realized very little of what I was doing actually mattered.
It was like I had become a master of using chopsticks to do surgery: cool party trick I guess, but what’s the point?
I found more purpose once I went to in-house work. I also learned about a million times more about how companies work, performance management, how to deal with people, etc.
Thanks so much! Your “corny” quote actually resonates a lot. I did a ton of community development work before law school—I loved loved loved collaboratively creating something that mattered and directly improved people’s lives.
Now I put out fires..some of which are created by colleagues who are doing the most 24/7.
Thought it would be different. And while it is, it isn’t. Realized my issue isn’t with the environment, I don’t enjoy the legal practice.
AA1 - 10 YOE. went in house at year 4. Now back at firm and it’s actually much better the second time around. Just don’t want to do legal work anymore.
OP - somewhat. I worked prior to law school though so I think that had a bigger impact than anything on being able to assess other options, particularly outside of legal.
I was in government for 3 years and private practice for 5 1/2 years. I liked the hours from government. In private practice, I liked the work (for the most part), but I felt like I was missing out on the seeing the solution through that I had helped layout for the client. So far, I have gotten the best of both worlds — hours and getting to work with business to implement practical solutions.
I wanted to straddle the line between business and law. Love what I do now!
Pro
Winter of 2015-2016. Preparing for a late Feb 2016 federal trial on a commercial contract case. Zigzagging between Boston- san diego- chicago- for a trial in Ohio. 80 hour weeks. Cold as cold gets everywhere, even in san diego. Did thanksving there at the Del- had a good meal. Then, Waking up after a cancelled flight in detroit, sleeping there not knowing where I was when I woke up. Week before xmas. Holidays were done on my laptop. Opened presents xmas day - then got back on the computer, to continue doing depo designations. Then off to witness prep (before zoom was acceptable) in cities all over. Losing the trial after two weeks. Taking a night off. Sat in the hottub of the westin (by name only) getting drunk. Going home the next day, and starting on the next file. After all that - just finally had enough. Was too late to salvage a 6 year relationship. But today is better. Never again.
I couldn’t do the always on call thing anymore and the productivity expectations were killing me. That combo meant I literally had no time to rest-I was either insanely busy, worried someone would need me to work, or stressed my hours weren’t up to snuff. It took a huge toll on my mental health. At first my question was “do I hate being a lawyer” or “do I hate what I’m doing now?” Covid court closures helped answer that. I had about a year where I felt somewhat happy again and realized only after cases started moving again that litigation is absolutely mentally exhausting for me. I was happy because I wasn’t really litigating. When things picked back up, my panic attacks about fighting meaningless discovery battles returned, so it was a bit of a no brainer that I needed to leave. I found myself a commercial counsel role at a large public company and it’s a million times better. The expectations are reasonable, personal time is respected, and my role is to solve problems and not fight over meaningless manufactured disputes. Turns out, I find that incredibly fun and mentally stimulating. I actually find myself thinking about how happy I am in the middle of the day, which I never though I’d say about work. Plus no one expects you to answer phone calls in the middle of the night or drop everything on a weekend for a TRO that you’ve already told the client has no chance in hell of succeeding 👍🏻